Selena Gomez and Post Malone Couldn't Save a Dismal Episode of 'Saturday Night Live'

May 14, 2022

Photo: Mary Ellen Matthews / NBC

BY Vish KhannaPublished May 15, 2022

Despite Post Malone going all-out musically (and appearing briefly in one sketch), Selena Gomez occasionally ratcheting up her monotone energy when necessary, and her legendary Only Murders in the Building co-star Steve Martin showing up in a remote, this week's Saturday Night Live sketches were uneven at best. Here's everything that happened.

The cold open

Kate McKinnon appeared as MSNBC correspondent Nicole Wallace to cover the Johnny Depp / Amber Heard trial. Kyle Mooney played a low key giddy Depp, answering questions about the allegation that Heard left feces in his bed, by a lawyer played by Aidy Bryant. The court cut to surveillance footage of Depp's staff, all curiously POC and played by Kenan Thompson, Ego Nwodim, Melissa Villaseñor and Chris Redd, debating who might deal with the "boo boo," and then this clumsy sketch wound its way to a limp conclusion.

The monologue

Selena Gomez excitedly discussed what hosting SNL meant to her as a lifelong fan, alluded to her child acting role on Barney, made some jokes about her Only Murders in the Building elderly co-stars, Steve Martin and Martin Short, and then told us that she was single and looking for love. This led to Kyle Mooney, James Austin Johnson and Punkie Johnson hitting on her before Gomez escaped this awkwardness and led the audience through a bit of the Barney song. Tenuously constructed, this was an oddly uneven warmup for the episode ahead.

The Bratz Dolls

Sarah Sherman played a young girl whose parents have just informed her they're getting divorced and wished she had someone to speak with about it other than her dolls. But then, her dolls came to life and were sassily played by Bowen Yang, Gomez, and Aidy Bryant, who then gave her questionable advice and made allusions to wanting to bang her dad. This was bad.

Old Enough! Longterm Boyfriends

Satirizing the popular Old Enough! show about kids who errands on their own, this remote's riff was about how helpless long term boyfriends are. Gomez and Mikey Day played a couple and she sent him to Sephora and the market and he struggled to complete very simple tasks, none of which was particularly funny.

A Peek at Pico

Melissa Villaseñor and Gomez played Vanessa and Sofia, the hosts of a morning talk show. Whenever anyone spoke, they cut them off prematurely, and came across as not-so-bright and that was essentially the whole of this half-written bit. What is happening tonight? Nothing so far has been good.

A Storm Within

Kenan Thompson played a director doing a pre-show disclaimer for an Irish-oriented play, letting the audience know that it featured a penis, the whole cast had COVID, and so unrehearsed understudies would be on stage instead. Cecily Strong and Gomez played two such rookie actors who ask for virtually every line, mangle Irish accents, and endure constant corrections and directions from Thompson's character. Bowen Yang almost salvaged this by playing the penis, but overall, this wasn't great.

American Inventors

In this remote, Gomez played the host of a docuseries called American Inventors, and this episode featured Archie Gizmo, who invented many now-common gags after he was inspired by the misfortunes endured by a woman he loved named Deena Beans (Aidy Bryant). Played by Steve Martin, Gizmo outlined how Beans and her gassy stomach, her getting attacked by poisonous snakes in a can of peanuts, and her being struck by lightning led him to invent things like the whoopee cushion, snakes in a can and the hand buzzer. Though it was nice to see Martin, this wasn't a particularly funny concept for him to sink his teeth into.

Post Malone

After emoting a bit on his own, Postie brought out Roddy Ricch, and the two delivered the brooding R&B song "Cooped Up" with erratic energy. It was somehow both very intense and somewhat tepid.

In a very post-Kanye performance, on the yet-to-be-released "Love/Hate Letter to Alcohol," Malone, shrouded in smoke machine smoke, was joined by Fleet Foxes' Robin Pecknold and backed by a vocal choir, wore a quilt, and was framed by two drummers who may have been playing Taiko drums, and he bellowed, "You're the reason that I got my ass kicked." Quite compelling, this performance.

Weekend Update

Colin Jost began with a digest joke about almost all of the bad news that happened over the past week, which Michael Che followed up on with a weak baby formula shortage jab. Che later made a funny joke about Vladimir Putin's erect penis, and Jost redeemed himself with a well-done bit about Pussy Riot and Doordash.

Even if you love Kyle Mooney, his Baby Yoda appearances are never welcome or satisfying, as he presents the character as a thuggish teen who speaks like a social media influencer. This one was a bit better just because of his run on Baby Groot, but still — hopefully this doesn't recur anymore.

After a few more solid jokes, Sarah Sherman appeared as a field correspondent, giving us a backstage tour of studio 8H but mostly just expanding upon her past and pointed desk jousting with Jost. We got her tour of Jost's evil dressing room, all of which was pretty funny.

The Three Daughters

In this fairytale, a dragon slayer played by Mikey Day is told he may marry one of the King's daughters. Kenan Thompson played the King and he presented Ego Nwodim, Gomez and Kate McKinnon to Day's Prince Edmund, but he is oddly disappointed when none of the daughters are weird. He just assumed one of the daughters would be weird. and had his heart set on McKinnon's Blondedillia, who turned out to not be as normal as she seemed.

By That Bitch House

In this remote, Gomez and Chris Redd played a couple who are visited by spirits trying to convince them that each are cheating on the other. A quasi-musical bit, the spirits were played by Punkie Johnson and Post Malone, who rapped sleuthing instructions at them, which was somewhat amusing.


Ego Nwodim and Bowen Yang played guidance counsellors who tried to convince a high school graduating class that modelling was the only viable career option for them after school. They brought out Gomez, who played a successful model, and then all of the students vogued, all of which felt like a throwaway 12:55 sketch idea that began 10 minutes too early.

Baby House Party

Gomez played a teen, hosting friends at her house while her parents are away, but her friends became obsessed with the baby monitor in her house. The babies, played by Bowen Yang and Sarah Sherman, were going buck wild and, with a baby cameo by Post Malone, this was a nice bit of anarchy.

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