thats a couch
Rick Ross says he’s currently sitting on 2,285 songs
In addition to the usual teeth cleaning pain, my wonderful dental hygienist heard “Runaway Train” come on and said “oh I haven’t heard the Goo Goo Dolls in years” and it was like 5 excruciating minutes before I could sputter “Soul Asylum”
My daughter asked me this morning what games I used to play on my tablet with when I was little. I told her my favourite thing to do was speaking into the fan to make me sound like a robot.
me: garlic bread is so good garlic bread: go raibh maith agat me: ah damn it this is gaelic bread
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
I love reading comments.
Dolphins announce Tua Tagovailoa has been ruled out with a Concussion after a hard hit to the head
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
free spirit is code for butt stuff
!!!! a very defensive Trump defends his relationship with Laura Loomer and says "she's a free spirit ... I don't know exactly what you're referring to"
Our lawyers are considering a notice for copyright infringement.
Imagine seeing such a casual headline writing off human life and being unable to connect the dots between the two? latimes.com/california/new…
covid dementia is so bad these scientists have been making the same discovery every six months for four years
Scientists fear Covid may be responsible for a coming wave of dementia. Here's how having Covid may have harmed your brain. trib.al/x00LkT3
feel like there’s not enough love for the Flight of the Conchords show on here but one of my favorite gags is Murray admitting to sending all his money to a Nigerian Prince from an email he received and it’s eventually revealed to be legit
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
September 14
IM TRAPPED… 😭😭 those are my stairs I mean how am I supposed to disrupt this
They’re setting up a show on my literal steps how am I supposed to leave once they start
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
“I hate immigrants. Time to become one myself!”
saying swifties won’t vote bc we won’t want to wait in line of all things is so funny that’s probably one of our top 3 skills
It’s great to see a real life Tammy 2 and Ron
Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck were spotted kissing and holding hands during brunch with kids, @PageSix reports.
Showering together
What’s something people romanticize but it’s actually horrible?
This shit looks like I should be able to select a raspberry fanta.
CarPlay looks interesting on the new Mini Countryman’s circular display
“The pedestrian came out of nowhere”
CarPlay looks interesting on the new Mini Countryman’s circular display
I would give up access to Ai forever for like a hot dog
I don’t understand why Trump and JD Vance hate immigrants when they’re both married to immigrants.
What is it with white people and bathing. Why do you guys hate it so much?
Daily showers are purely ‘performative’ and have no real health benefit, experts insist trib.al/ee63uAc
see, even Josh Allen has to ask sometimes
you guys will not believe who i just met
idk why doctors only give stickers to kids? like hello i was also brave today
People seem to be forgetting that you have to teach children things for them to know it
September 15
i’m sorry but the scholastic book fair did not inspire a love of reading it created my love of shopping
a character with no bad outfits
surely a ramp would be better
Ticketmaster makes 'huge step' for disabled music fans bbc.in/2MZCHWK
health in america is so bad cus here you’ll be making a salad thinking you’re doing good and then there’ll be a recall on the lettuce
The health benefit is so you don’t smell like shit, hope this helps
Daily showers are purely ‘performative’ and have no real health benefit, experts insist trib.al/ee63uAc
They work fast
Trump shitter
BREAKING: Trump sh**ter Ryan Routh reportedly donated at least 20 times to Democrats during the 2020 election.
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
the new Trump suspect is obviously nuts but this is also very funny
I hope this Trump assassination attempt doesn't break up Flight of the Conchords.
This is quickly becoming a worryingly specific pattern.
BREAKING: Robert F. Kennedy Jr. says he is being investigated by federal authorities for collecting the head from a decapitated whale carcass 20 years ago.
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
why would i want a president thats always getting shot at
I try to look information up for myself before asking others.
People born before 2000, what trivial skill do you have that no one uses anymore?
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
jean smart gagging hbo max here a bit i always wind up stanning the right people 🥰
Happy for shogun. The show that dared to ask questions like “what if we have good lighting?” and “what if you can see what’s happening? Even at night???”
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
September 16
INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE 2ND ROUND INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE ZOOM INTERVIEW WITH THE TEAM WITH THE VAMPIRE WE HAVE DECIDED TO PURSUE ANOTHER CANDIDATE BUT WILL KEEP YOU IN MIND IF FUTURE POSITIONS OPEN UP WITH THE VAMPIRE
absolutely spreadsheets
Would you rather make spreadsheets in someone else's office, or haul manure on your own farm?
lmaooooo hall of fame “this post has been deleted”
"Awful" and its the hardest poster ever
therapist: winona ryder as bjork isn’t real. she cant hurt you winona ryder as bjork:
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
proud parents of a scary daughter
I'll be honest I need to see the footage of her parking 😭
8-year-old Ohio girl drove to Target, went shopping: Police trib.al/wNVJbpb
so the 8 year old girl that drove to target hit a mailbox along the way, spent $400, and was sipping on a frappuccino when police arrived 😭 i have to stan!
Gwyneth Paltrow I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan
I’m already up at that time
Charli xcx tells fans to set their alarms for tomorrow at 9 am EST.
Giggling really hard
came across this stunning bumper sticker in the wild
(my dog from the back seat) hey you ran that grey light
falcons? eagles? what is this, a [seven or eight minutes pass] what is this, a bird store
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
This will always be funny 😂😂
So what I'm getting from this is Bob Odenkirk would have an Emmy if they ran Better Call Saul as a comedy
Jeremy Allen White wins Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series for ‘The Bear’. #Emmys
Hear me out: the Smiths with Rome
Morrissey claims Johnny Marr now owns “100 per cent trademark rights and Intellectual Property” of The Smiths name – and can tour as band without him nme.com/news/music/mor…
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
I—
at the concert when they went offstage for the encore the girl next to me turned to her friend and said “they’re gonna leave and trick us into thinking they’re not coming back but they will. it’s a tiktok trend”
sad i missed the emmy’s in order to attend a wedding that was held from 5pm to 11pm where we were not served dinner and no this wasn’t communicated on the invitation and the bride was surprised when most of the guests left early and yeah i’ve been shook about this all day?!
Matt Walsh is upset that critics told him to fuck off with his new racist movie so he tried to embarrass them by posting their emails to him but the emails are hilarious
1/ Many have asked how it's possible that our new film "Am I Racist?" hasn't been reviewed by a single mainstream critic, even with a 99% audience score, a “Verified Hot” rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and a top 5 box office debut. Here's what's happening behind the scenes. 🧵
Louisiana has voted Republican for over 20 years. How’s that working out? 50th in crime 49th economy 47th education 46th healthcare
Oh I remember this guy, he got his wish and made a fully libertarian town and it went so badly they had to flee because it was overrun by bears. No one was collecting the trash. Incredible stuff.
The FBI visited my house today for free speech acts they knew were not crimes. You can see the shame on their faces. This is the Democratic regime manifest.
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
Corporations are so funny because they’re going to innovate themselves out of an entire purchasing group. People who can’t work don’t buy things.
CHIPOTLE HAS NOW BEGAN TESTING BOWL AND SALAD MAKING ROBOTS IN ITS ACTUAL STORES AS LABOR COSTS CONTINUE TO INCREASE RAPIDLY $CMG pic.x.com/wAwPPtuEny
WHAT. DOES. ORACLE. DO???????
Larry Ellison of Oracle, $ORCL, has become the world's second-richest person, dethroning Jeff Bezos of Amazon, $AMZN.
european countries used to go to war for control over the spice trade in india
If your food requires you to put dirt spices all over it in order for it to be palatable, your food is not good.
September 17
do white people not understand that spices are just ingredients that when combined with other ingredients, create what we call food, and not some secret thing that is separate from food.
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
Algorithm: noticed u lingered on this pic of a frog for 14 seconds Me: I was refilling my vape Algorithm: got some more frogs for ya. frog freak. u like that
U Talkin' Hawk Tuah 2 Me?
Doing sexual harassment training at work... I already know how to do all of this
God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all
The ITYSL sketch I didn’t know I needed
I can watch an entire movie without being on my phone
People born before 2000, what trivial skill do you have that no one uses anymore?
Some kid at the career fair today gave me a resume that had his high school batting average (.350) on it.
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
When I get rich I’m building a liquor store on every block every corner in the white neighborhoods to keep them down bad like they try to do my ppl
The world’s largest online retailer and the richest YouTuber not paying minimum wage is genuinely insane
MrBeast & Amazon are being sued by contestants on his upcoming 'Beast Games' show • Failed to pay minimum wages and overtime • Failed to prevent sexual harassment • Participants weren't provided uninterrupted meal breaks and rest breaks “Several contestants ended up
I know we shouldn’t laugh about the Diddy stuff but this is still absolutely finishing me
And all we have is Taylor Swift.
Literally what is she saying I can’t understand anything
Tame Impala was right. The less I know, the better
Reading the NYTimes can restore your faith in God. Pagers explode without anyone detonating them. Bombs fall without anyone dropping them. Bullets pierce people without anyone shooting them. Subhanallah.
Here is the list of countries allowed to install explosives in small devices and distribute them to the public with the full support of the BBC and other media outlets. 1. Israel
Meanwhile in my dms
from DMs to I Do 💍
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
The real skeleton key for understanding the 60s is that the radio went from playing Oh Lolly Lollipop to Like a Rolling Stone in 4 years. Imagine what kind of effect that would have on your brain chemistry. It's amazing there weren't MORE assassinations
Bob Dylan said WHAT?!
Wish I enjoyed anything as much as Bob Dylan enjoys fucking with people
I have 7 minutes of this I’ll post to YouTube later.
September 18
Bob Dylan performs (probably for the first time in public) on a wrench, Darien Lake Performing Arts Center, NY, USA, 2024. 📸: Outlaw-b7w, Youtube. #BobDylan #Dylan 🔧
'Hello, I can't come to work today becasue i'm preparing a 10,000 word think piece on why Bob Dylan is smacking a WRENCH against a microphone'.
Wow!!!
first five shows!!! #SNL50
i actually think the timeline will be really normal when john mulaney hosts the pre election episode of snl with musical guest chappell roan.
Parasocial Olympics happening on Nov 2nd
John Mulaney is set to host SNL on November 2 with musical guest Chappell Roan.
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
mama that is one flower
Gwen Stefani announces fifth studio album, ‘Bouquet,’ out November 15th.
>make good product >too good >nobody buys new ones because they last so long >go bankrupt
Tupperware has filed for bankruptcy.
you ever see a tweet so fire it breaks the language barrier
la mayonesa es la reverb de los sándwiches
Teacher be trippin bruh🤦🏼♂️🤦🏼♂️
Just remembered this
White ppl will open their relationship just to date another white person like damn poly really did want a cracker
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
?
Matt Walsh: “Taking a sick day as an adult should be pretty embarrassing for you”
I have some bad news about people who work in offices
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
someone's been sending transphobic stuff to my business email and these recommended responses are killing me lmao
guy at the grocery store told me they'd been trying to move these forever. they tried just giving them away with purchases but customers were "dropping them in the parking lot"
@MrBeast trying to keep the shelves stocked with @Feastables Meanwhile… me grabbing every box I can. 🤣📦 They’re so good 🤤
Yes, but it's grocery stores owned by Loblaws.
can’t we have one thing in this country not owned by rogers
Leafs in Leafs in the regular the season playoffs
You should never have to zoom in on a crowd in Brazil
guess who’s back… let’s go kuntycats
my lawyer who was helping me handle my divorce case, has married my ex husband today
graphic design is illegal now i think
PayPal has introduced a new logo: New vs Old
Graphic designers now just open a blank document, make the font size 80, type the company name, and that’s the logo.
PayPal’s bland logo redesign was inevitable
😳😳😳 (via @damanr)
Adrian Wojnarowski broke endless stories over the course of his career, but his finest moment might have been when he responded to Josh Hawley's email in the summer of 2020.
Turning off Woj notifications 😢
FINAL: the other team scored more runs than us
This is Twitter in a nutshell because did I ask?
coworker: what did you get for lunch? me: soup coworker: I hate soup me: I don’t??
There was a frozen piece of salmon at the bottom of my fridge I tried to cook after seasoning but I'm realizing this is a mango
that’s a relief
One of the final messages from the crew of the Titan submersible before it imploded has been revealed during a hearing: “All good here.”
Kinda rubbing salt in the wounds to use a government submarine to film the wreckage of a libertarian submarine.
Footage of the OceanGate submarine wreckage has been released by the US Coast Guard pic.x.com/5Q4szq2NZC
I still don't think Diddy blowing up Kid Cudi's car with explosives got enough attention.
am I the only one who thought they were older?
Megan Thee Stallion (12) and Kendrick Lamar (11) are the most nominated Artists at this year’s BET Hip-Hop awards.
September 19
My colleague genuinely just asked me why there are parishes in Jamaica named after English towns. Lord he picked the wrong one cos the whole office has just been lectured about British colonisation. Everyone is now in silence
what has this year taught you?
FUN FACT: Not one bad thing Trump predicted when he lost in 2020 has come to pass. Not one.
I will pay top dollar to see Jagmeet Singh and Pierre Poilievre fight in the HOC parking lot
And the hits keep coming. Per Politico, an email address belonging to North Carolina Lt. Gov. Mark Robinson was registered on Ashley Madison, a website designed for married people seeking affairs. Party of Family Values at it again. politico.com/news/2024/09/1…
in many ways mark robinson is the most american politician of them all. a stone cold pervert with zero social awareness and an enormously undeserved ego. extremely racist in ways that don't even make sense. addicted to hardcore pornography. like it or not, he is our avatar
Mark Robinson literally did the 30 Rock bit
businessnc.com/upcoming-cnn-s…
mark robinson: hitler wasn’t a bad guy!! me, the nude africa forum moderator: mark let’s try to stay on topic, the title of this thread is “what is the best ass/butt”
Listen, maybe this is a normie opinion, but this guy is legit the biggest piece of shit in the world and should be nowhere near power, and if he loses in November, we should send him to the moon with a bag of water to never return.
Unearthed video: JD Vance says he wants Americans to pay more for groceries, clothes, and other basic necessities in order to combat “woke”: “We're gonna have to get a little uncomfortable. We’re maybe gonna have to be willing to pay a little bit more for certain consumer goods”
it’s insane how literally every single part of this story turned out to be completely fake on every level
Miss Sassy, the missing cat that sparked fear that pets in Ohio were in danger, has been found hiding in her owner's basement. trib.al/w2QTvnh
We tried to hand out “tone down the rhetoric” signs at the Trump rally yesterday.
Taylor Swift Breaks Political Silence To Throw Support Behind Restoring Shōgun To Throne Of Japan bit.ly/47wG1QK
There's only one person we'll never make fun of
There is such a deep trend of old people being incapable of passing the baton to the next generation that I have to imagine is some deep culturally denial of our mortality and it’s making everything suck
Lorne Michaels, who previously said he might leave ‘SNL’ after the show’s much-anticipated 50th season, is now saying he wants to hold on as long as he can: ‘This is kind of what I do and as long as I can keep doing it, I’ll keep doing it.’ trib.al/ExIrQOF
Tweet not found
The embedded tweet could not be found…
Loblaws launches for profit food bank thebeaverton.com/2024/09/loblaw…
