Will POTUS ride the Sybian?
Russell Westbrook had me thinking I was next
The funniest Clippers thing of all time is happening which is James Harden is emphatically showing up for a tough playoff series and almost nobody else on the team is.
I’m losing my mind listening to congress say the reason behind the TikTok ban is the unregulated influence of a foreign country over American citizens, as I am served commercials to support the Israeli government on every conceivable platform.
Emily Blunt and Ryan Gosling on their special skills: R: “I learned that if you put ice in your hummus it’s a lot creamier!” E: “I can play the cello! It’s a little better than creamy hummus, isn’t it?” R: “Why’d you let me lead?” *silence* R: “WHY’D YOU LET ME SAY HUMMUS??”
April 27
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I'm best man at my buddy's second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone"?
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I love that Kristi Noem's entire defense is just naming other animals she killed. In two days, she's going to be like "Listen, I invented the penguin-guillotine and I'm goddamn proud of it."
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#CDNpoli Somebody didn’t pay their bot farm bill?
A friend is sitting in the 500s. Someone in his section heckled Ohtani about gambling and an usher came over and said “no gambling talk”. My friend inquired further and the usher said no yelling about gambling at all. Un/related: there is a 2-storey gambling ad in the outfield.
Moving it to top five right behind “Shaq thinks it takes ten or eleven hours to fly to the moon”
Chuck’s had it with the Pelicans 💀
When I realized who this must be about I started cracking up
I have no idea why but that slap/tap pass by Jokic felt European. I’ve never seen it before, I have no evidence to support my claim, but that felt Euro and I’ll die on this hill (mostly because I’m lazy and don’t want to move).
this really the craziest tweet in history
PSA TO THE NBA: NIKOLA JOKIC IS COMING OVER THIS YEAR. PICKED BY THE NUGGETS AT #41 IN 2014, HE WILL DOMINATE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE AND LAUGH.
April 28
At my da’s funeral in Ireland, my niece heard the priest raise his hands and say “join me in reciting—“ and with all the solemnity a 2 year old could muster, she bellowed a sad 🎶HAPPY BIRTHDAY🎶 over Irish people mumbling the Our Father. First and last time in a church.
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I hate the social media, highlight, revisionist history era. I lived the Darvin Ham era and he was in fact NOT a bucket
Darvin Ham was a BUCKET😳🔥 This the guy y’all hate on? pic.x.com/sUdKaae6tf
Anthony Edwards 🤝 Michael Jordan Father and son dunking on the Suns
yo wake up babe new Embiid edit just dropped
Just a friendly reminder Jaylen Brown now has 6 months left to get 5 rings before turning 28
Joel Embiid in the 4th: 1 Point 7 Turnovers 5 Fouls 0-5 FG
The plan: - 10 hours of NBA basketball - beach boys on the speaker - never put on a shirt - leave apartment for 10 minutes tops for iced coffee - randomly bust out pushups throughout the day - chip dinner
Charles Barkley apologizes to Beyonce's mom for trashing Galveston Immediately mocks Galveston again "That water is so dirty I'd rather go to San Antonio with those big ole' women"
Justice for Silvio
‘Sopranos’ star Drea de Matteo claims celebrities are against leftist Biden agenda, but are ‘petrified’ to speak out trib.al/y0w7oaF
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Comedy is when you tell people how cool being polite is
Colin Jost: "My grandpa voted for decency and decency is why we're all here tonight. Decency is how we're able to be here tonight. Decency is how we're able to make jokes about each other and one of us doesn't go to prison after..." #WHCA #WHCD #nerdprom
April 29
You can’t even ask what the deal is with something anymore. You can’t ask who these people are.
Jerry Seinfeld Says TV Comedy Is Being Killed By the ‘Extreme Left and P.C. Crap and People Worrying So Much About Offending Other People’ variety.com/2024/film/news…
I've been enjoying the grim death march that has been Seinfeld's promo tour of his pop-tart movie
Excited to announce I’ve been paid $5,000,000 for my new comedy special, “They Won’t Let You Do Comedy Anymore” for a big streamer. It’s shot at an opera house that sits 5,000 cheering fans. My opening bit will be about me being silenced. The rest will be how much I hate my wife
one of my Dad’s employees asked for their birthday off and my dad said “why? Did your wife get you a clown?” my Dad had to go to a sensitivity class and apologize to him in front of everyone.
Wishing I had done this actually, Stevie
1 ticket to Challengers please. No threesome for me, im just gonna jack off in the theater 👍
i understand that my body can't digest corn or whatever. that's fine. my issue is that i fucking chewed it. how the hell is it coming out back in the shape of corn. what are they not telling us
My wife’s stories are like Grateful Dead songs. I literally applaud when she gets back to the point.
i can think of 1 instance where a rape joke is funny
There are 0 instances when rape jokes are funny or acceptable. ZERO.
Opinion | Arm the puppies
“PLEASE DO NOT LAUNCH ANY ADDITIONAL SOLIDARITY ENCAMPMENTS AT CANADIAN UNIVERSITIES,” feds say
“Please do not launch any Gaza solidarity encampments at Canadian universities,” feds say
Started / Going
April 30
My favorite Montalban is probably Ricardo.
hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names
Linkedin cannot be real
a very small influencer married into a billionaire family and i am absolutely dying over her demanding this insta handle
Kendrick confusing Haley Joel Osment with Joel Osteen is so fucking funny, he didn’t even Google shit, just walked into the booth mad as hell lmaooo
euphoria youtu.be/NPqDIwWMtxg
Drake: you’re short. Kendrick: you fabricated your whole black persona to hide your insecurities and gain acceptance and steal our culture . No one respects you, Diddy slapped you, you’re afraid of Pusha and you’re not allowed to say nigga Aubrey #euphoria #kdot
Nah Kendrick diss burned so bad it got Suge fighting for Civil Rights from jail
Round 1 goes to @kendricklamar. But youngin let’s stop saying light skinned people aren’t black. Cause the police think otherwise. Black is Black. That creates division amongst ourselves, and I ain’t fuckin with that.
Kendrick just rapping. If you want to beat Drake you gonna have to do some damage. Aubrey still way up
New incredible John Carpenter quote just dropped
Latest newsletter is an interview with the legend John Carpenter on his new album, buying gifts for people, therapy, basketball, Diablo IV, Maestro, directing an episode of TV from his living room, whether he’s a “Nintendo guy,” and more last-donut-of-the-night.ghost.io/john-carpenter…
The story remains the same: conservative provinces deliberately breaking things and then weaponizing the public's anger over things being broken.
UCP plan seems obvious at this point. Defund cities to increase misery, blame it on the councils, restrict their ability to take recourse, tell voters that parties will fix everything, and if that fails, give yourself the power to remove councillors and revoke bylaws. #yeg #ableg
Here’s my takeaway from this: Dwayne Johnson being late supports union workers
Is this something the good guys do normally
Absolutely insane footage of the NYPD entering Columbia University. It’s endless.
i never really understood what “seething mad” meant until i saw ben stiller’s face here,,buddy STEAMING lmaooo
Tracy Morgan giving Tyrese Maxey the middle finger after his game tying shot
Respect to Maxey…but damn…I’m clearly getting too old for this shit…
May 1
Conan on the aftermath of his HOT ONES appearance. I about pissed my pants from laughing.
man lmfao
I can’t be the only one that thought Jose Canseco is dating Johnny Manziel
TRENDING: Former Cleveland Browns Johnny Manziel and Josie Canseco make romance Instagram official after dating buzz Josie Canseco is the daughter of former Oaklands A's Jose Canseco
If she’s behind the counter that’s bossman bro I dunno what to tell you
Watched a guy call a teenage girl “bossman” the other day just because she was behind the counter in a shop
It may sound crazy but this actually just happened.
Mike Lindell lookin like the guy who’s been hiding his zombie bite from the group
Meeting Mike Lindell at the Waukesha Trump Rally must've been what it was like to shake hands with the Apostle Paul before Christ took the stage at the sermon on the mound.
Caitlin Clark scored 3,321 more points than Doug Gottleib in college
The amount of work it takes to be consistent through her mechanical flaw is really impressive. If you were advising her, would you fix it in the offseason? @HoopConsultants
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I know there’s a lot going on right now but it feels kind of important that Boeing is doing a Michael Clayton in broad daylight
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May 2
I don't know who she is but she's iconic. A true queen.
YO 😂😂😂
Cheers to 35 🍻 (it's my birthday in Thailand) 🎈
What is up with these Gen X men
that might be unlikely
tbh, drake has the actor connections to get haley joel osment on the response to clear all this up and put kendrick in a tough position.
Mike Huckabee’s son hanged a dog. Sarah Palin’s son stood on one. Tomi Lahren kicks hers. Mitt Romney drove with his on the roof of his car. Ted Cruz abandoned his. Kristi Noem shot hers. In conclusion, Republicans are a bunch of dog-hating sociopaths.
these guys are the biggest marks in history
bill hader
the most beautiful girl ever
naming a child River then saying “row your own boat” is diabolical lmao
Jeff Goldblum refuses to leave money to his kids Charlie, 8, and River, 6: ‘Row your own boat’ trib.al/3uCFIDk
Trump being called "Von ShitzinPantz" in a Michael Cohen post has been introduced as a court exhibit by Trump's attorney, Todd Blanche. Now national and world media is covering Trump's new moniker of Von ShitzinPantz. Thank you Todd Blanche.
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