"Still punk as fuck" I whisper, after getting excited for a new dish sponge
Which movie character is a great role model for men?
ever since i was a little kid i knew i wanted to be unemployed
This is a masterclass in photobombing.
I literally can’t stress it enough how bad this rebrand is. It definitively is the WORST rebrand in history for countless reasons
The Twitter domain has officially retired after 17 years — transitioning all URLs to the ‘X’ domain. Users are redirected to X if they use the outdated Twitter domain.
I’ll never forget this call I got when I worked at a bank this lady called in as the authorized user on her husband’s credit card…. BABY when she asked me what grindr was????!!… one of my lungs collapsed i took the longest pause she thought I hung up..
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"Give up pot smoking" is a very funny way to describe not being high for a one-hour interview. What a stupid man!
Bill Maher has responded to Steve-O, who said that he had to turn down a request to appear on the “Club Random” podcast because Maher refused to not smoke weed during the interview — despite Steve-O being 16 years sober. “That Steve-O guy was taking shots at me in the press
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For the rest of that kid’s life, he’s gonna be able to tell this story knowing full well no one will believe him, and then he’ll have the satisfaction of sharing the video.
A camper at #Dolphins WR Tyreek Hill’s camp crossed him up and made him fall 💀 pic.x.com/OB8uz57hO1
“Second album” is INSANE. Sis really been eating and paying her taxes off of one album for 20+ years.
Lauryn Hill Reveals Second Album Will Be Done ‘Soon’ ow.ly/K9OO105tbx3 #WeGotUs #SourceLove
Always knew P. Diddy was a piece of shit.
ppl love to call J Cole soft but he was the only rapper that put hands on Diddy 🤷♂️
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May 18
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Personally, I am opposed to everything getting worse yet somehow also more expensive
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It runs like shit, it's full of bots that post pornography in your replies, all the advertisers have left, and there are more Nazis than ever
Elon Musk fired 90% of Twitter without a single meaningful impact on product — and this is now barely discussed at all. I think about this often
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Kendrick wanted to make every diss to Drake a statement Euphoria - I can rap better than you 6:16 in LA - I can play better mind games than you Meet the Grahams - I can be more disrespectful than you Not Like Us - I can make better hits than you Masterclass in rap battle
The INTERNET is UNdefeated! This thread is so that all the B6 songs can be consolidated into one space! Someone just sent me the first country song! I must admit I’ve had a number of Bops stuck in my head. Drop your fav 👇🏾.
“Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Body” Sorry I had to…. 😂
and it’s unironically one of the best series endings of all time. “you look me in the eye, and you tell me you can’t do it” has stuck with me for DECADES
The sitcom Malcolm in the Middle ends with Malcolm's mom telling him that she made his childhood painful on purpose so that when he grows up to become president of the United States his memories of suffering will stop him from betraying the working class
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[warren zevon voice]
just saw Kristin Chenoweth at laguardia with the fakest service dog in the world
Brother, there are three different baseball teams named after socks.
As the WNBA gains more attention, it's time to confront an uncomfortable reality: It's kind of weird to name a sports team (or anything really) the Fever?
There’s a men’s basketball team in Utah named after a style of music that has never once been played in Utah
As the WNBA gains more attention, it's time to confront an uncomfortable reality: It's kind of weird to name a sports team (or anything really) the Fever?
“Must beat wolf team to play team with horse”
May 19
[flirting with the judge] so, is there a mr. demeanor
Is sexy one of those words that means something different in British like lift or chips
Prince William has been named UK's third sexiest man of 2024.
cutting my arm off BEFORE going hiking so that the 127 hours thing doesn't happen to me.
Yall 😭😭😭😭
Song of the summer just dropped!
I was talking to a girl I knew from high school. She married a Jewish guy, converted. She was going off on some “10/7 changed everything, gave my life purpose” shit and in that moment I realized a lot of this is about white people wanting to be oppressed so bad.
This has been up for 4 days and no community note the only thing this could mean is that's its actually real
Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk share intimate new photo:
35 seconds! That’s how long Trump froze when his teleprompter stopped scrolling at yesterday’s NRA convention. He can't think or speak without a teleprompter. All he could do was shake his head in frustration & grimace in embarrassment until it restarted.
No one should be jailed for simply using or possessing marijuana.
Waking up with two NBA game sevens on deck
Bruh walking like he on the team 😭
.@stephenasmith came READY for Game 7 at MSG 🗽 Pacers at Knicks | 3:30 ET on ABC 📺
and in that order
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May 20
Had a new experience tonight: on hour one of a six-hour flight, I got up to use the bathroom and when I came back the guy beside me was wearing my sweatshirt
Some random dinosaur 66 million years ago be like:
One of the coolest videos from the meteor yesterday in Portugal pic.x.com/jmGi89lgqj
Ffs. She wasn’t being COMPARED to a lettuce, she was in a race with a lettuce. And she lost. And it was INCREDIBLY funny.
Shit is so bad. That they have to openly admit to price gouging.
Target to lower prices on about 5,000 basic goods as inflation sends customers scrounging for deals apnews.com/article/target…
We must band together against the growing number of restaurants where fries do not come with the burgers but are instead a $3 - $8 side. There are limits to what the righteous consumer can take
So you agree, inflation is just a made up thing for companies to increase profits without doing any actual work.
Target is cutting prices on up to 5,000 items amidst inflation to lure back customers.. McDonald’s just announced the same thing last week.
My husband is out of town, but the cupboard doors are still open, so now I have to face some cold hard truths about myself
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Tom Hanks calling Chet Big Main tells me that Tom loves and accepts his ridiculous son for who he is.
Chet Hanks explaining the Drake/Kendrick beef to Tom Hanks
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Yeah what the fuck was this for then?
Filmmakers Launch AI Studio Late Night Labs With Help From Natasha Lyonne & Angel Manuel Soto deadline.com/2024/05/late-n…
Meanwhile in America:
GOOD NEWS: Singapore Airlines will pay staff a bonus worth eight months salary after record $5.1. billion profit
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Bombing for 8 minutes on purpose is still one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen
Norm Macdonald’s appearance at the Roast of Bob Saget was unlike anything ever seen before. Watch this legendary clip with additional footage.
May 21
apple could do the funniest thing ever and put that one U2 album as #1
Tell Shel Silverstein I found it
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I worked in a shipyard in Alaska once and because I sorta knew how to use Excel they all called me “Computer”
oh so google is like BROKEN broken
the clutch underneath my what
I’m ready to hit some balls again
I feel like people just come to the airport to cough
Scrappy Doo helped the CIA put crack in the hood
in conclusion, fuck scrappy doo. here's a photo of him shaking hands with ronald reagan.
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Can you imagine fighting for your life and you look at a wholesome Caribbean Aunty for help and she says “choke him …give him a choke”
White on White Violence.. with a Carribean Instigator! 🤣🤣
NBA games on TNT are like going over to your friend's house as a kid and NBA games on ESPN are like going over to your weird aunt and uncle's house who don't own a TV and go to sleep at 8 PM. Just completely different auras.
May 22
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One of my favorite live TV moments ever and the perfect display of their chemistry. The way Chuck stops mid sentence and says “come on.” The way Shaq and Kenny die laughing. The way Ernie takes the wheel without skipping a beat. This show is the best.
Kenny: [45 second sermon on the future of the NBA] Chuck:
End game.
So you don't like my jokes about ghosts having sex with owls? Well, boo-fucking-hoo.
all of them thanking the monkey is such a dumb joke but it takes me out every time 😭😭😭
I don’t know why Apple is charging me 7.99 , 3.99 and 10.99 and I will never know. frankly that is none of my business
holy shit, this rolling stone interview with kid rock is insane like everybody knows dudes an asshole, but it’s not just that; *he’s a fuckin hive of brain parasites* he’s legitimately fucking *nuts* link below
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Mr brain is completely rotted at this point
doctor asked me when my last pap smear was and i had to pull out my phone and google “ray liotta death” because i knew it was on the same day
(Exclusive)
The organ player is cold blooded…
life with no parole
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If I owe you an email, imagine what I owe myself
this might be the most wholesome update I've ever seen. 🥹
category is: things i need
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🤷🏻♂️
NIKKI HALEY says she will vote for Trump over Biden in November.
May 23
how do you get up in the morning and put your pants on
This was the coolest possible thing to say
“I no longer feel hunger.” Former competitive eating champion, Takeru Kobayashi, announced his retirement
the American economy summed up in two tweets.
No, but seriously
if a beer is 8 bucks it's a show if a beer is 14 bucks it's a concert
at what point does a show become a concert
Absurd
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Vampire Weekend (2008)
We have a leprosy outbreak in central Florida and the experts are telling people not to eat armadillos. Just in case you were wondering how it's going down here...
I’m crying laughing 😂😂😂😂
they made his bald ass head the “O”
Well, Tavaris started today's Wheel of Fortune episode (#7999) off with a bang not even 60 seconds in! What a treat being in the audience for this along with 70 other past contestants. The crew implied it was going to be censored when it aired! #WheelofFortune #RightInTheButt
drake: i think i made my point 😏 every pool party, pickleball tournament, potluck, corporate retreat, and farmers market for the rest of the summer:
