I haven't been able to banish this from my mind since I first saw it, so I may as well post it again. Good morning.
I don’t know what you did last night, but I spent 90 minutes debating a guy with the morals of an alley cat.
Bartender last night was a fucking asshole. Anybody recognize this guy?
Gilda Radner would have turned 78 years old today. I often think of the sketch. The night she died, Steve Martin tossed his monologue and with a heavy heart paid tribute to her with their classic: Dancing in the Dark.
Wait until you find out who was mayor of Calgary from 2010 to 2021.
We all know Calgary is a world class city, but now the rest of the world is catching on! Calgary now ranks as the 5th most livable large city on earth for its high quality of life and available opportunities. This according to the Economist Intelligence Unit (EIU) as unveiled
so…if wages don’t go up…and housing prices keep rising….and we get jailed for being homeless…..who’s gonna pay the landlords’ rents……..? what’s the plan here
Documents exchange.
Trump plane is at Dulles, parked next to the Russian embassy staff plane.
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me when my friend is explaining the rules of the board game
The multiple Bidens theory is funny if only because that means they bring out the bad one sometimes for whatever reason
Biden responds to criticism about his debate performance
crazy how the only generation that will have the option to retire just fucking won't.
Whats the second hand for
Every Jessica Walter and Martin Mull interaction on Arrested Development was perfect. Gene Parmesan forever. RIP to the both of them.
Not a single fucking Martin Mull tribute mentions Mr. Mom. RIP, Mr. Richardson. We're gonna wire it 220, 221, whatever it takes.
RIP Martin Mull. Truly one the finest comedic minds to ever grace this world. Please, please watch his HBO special, History of White People In America. It’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in my life.
Martin Mull as Gene Parmesan was such a rememberable character in Arrested Development that it’s hard to believe that he was only in one episode of the original series
Martin Mull, the comic musician and actor who started with 1970s TV series “Fernwood Tonight” and went on to appear as Colonel Mustard in “Clue” and on “Arrested Development” and “Roseanne,” died Thursday. He was 80. variety.com/2024/film/news…
June 29
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goddamn how old is that dog?
Carrie Fisher photographed by Brian Griffin on the set of Return Of The Jedi, 1982
Dear god... this is how we get Tim Robinson his Oscar
"Music is a beautiful art, if not the greatest through out all the arts. It's the kind of beauty that lives in time and space." –Maestro Bernard Herrmann, born on this day in 1911
I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects
we are so fucking cooked holy shit
why use many word when few word do trick?
to smithereens has to be the worst way to get blown.
not true
No kid remembers their best day in front of the TV.
they hated her because she told the truth
Just watched a TikTok where Travis Kelce said he found out over the summer that it was “Alice in Wonderland” not “Alison Wonderland”
I just watched se7en. you’re telling me people have been quoting the line “what’s in the box” for literally thirty years when THAT’S WHAT WAS IN THE BOX?????
Person: I can’t afford a house America: You are under arrest
So commie maybe?
carly rae jepsen is a communist
Do you think members of the Kennedy family blame minor things on the Kennedy Curse? Like a delicious looking turkey sandwich is dry and they're just like "When will this nightmare be ovah"
We already tried that and they killed him
I’m so serious when I say the president of the United States should be 45 years old and HOT AS FUCK
some of y’all don’t hate Biden enough and some of y’all frankly hate Biden too much. as opposed to me, who hates Biden the perfect amount and for the correct reasons
Hilarious that @WestJet will cancel hundreds of flights, leave people stranded, and offer them no customer service (as usual these days) and think people will blame it on workers and the union. That’s on you, babes.
After less than a year from when Poilievre took the microphone on a WestJet flight prompting a review of in-flight rules, the airline stranded passengers for Canada Day weekend because they don't pay their mechanics enough and then tried to blame the government. Common sense.
I mean, look at the damage he did to Calgary. It’s only the fifth most livable city in the world — something a certain Danielle Smith was just crowing about!
“The consequences to the whole province of getting somebody like Premier Nenshi would make Rachel Notley’s damage look like small potatoes.” #abpoli calgaryherald.com/opinion/column…
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Everything this man does to try and prove how “unbothered” he is, just further proves how bothered he is 💀
Drake eating the fried rice at New Ho King 🥡🥢 This is the restaurant and the fried rice Kendrick Lamar mentioned in his Drake diss “euphoria” 👀
June 30
Won’t say his name like Voldemort. Certified Boogeyman indeed 😭
Drake seems to allege that Spotify backdoored streams for "for that one song from that one guy" 🤔 (via Trainwrecks' Kick chat)
Coming to every baseball stadium 😆
Kendrick Lamar's "Not Like Us" being played by an organist. 🎹🎵 pic.x.com/YHBMtJN7Zu
So… waiting for flight at JFK. I hear music. It’s “Rappers Delight.” The sound gets louder and nearer. I look and see someone being pushed in a wheelchair, carrying a boombox on their lap. The wheelchair approaches. It’s Tracy Morgan, grinning from ear to ear. And off he goes.
interweightcial
Mixed weight relationships I hate it here
Jah Wick (2025)
Keanu Reeves on the set of his new movie called “The Last Bumbaclot”
When college admins start expelling frat boy rapists from campus as fast and furiously as they did anti-genocide protestors sitting in tents, then maybe it’d be easier to pretend that it was somehow about campus safety.
There’s a whole world out there we don’t understand
Zach Bryan brought the Hawk Tuah girl on stage to say her infamous words 😂 pic.x.com/xy9uLiUMh6
are you just now finding out
With the 55th in the 2024 NBA draft. The Los Angeles Lakers select……. Bronny James. 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲. Just had a moment!
The WHAT
The Philadelphia 76ers are the favorites to win the Marcus Morris Sr. sweepstakes, per @BovadaOfficial Philadelphia 76ers +165 Boston Celtics +190 Golden State Warriors +210 LA Lakers +270 Cleveland Cavaliers +300 Dallas Mavericks +315 Miami Heat +350 Phoenix Suns +370
July 1
At the end of the day, we are all Americans. Sure, we have differences on policy. One side wants to give everyone healthcare and good wages. The other wants to create a white Christian ethnostate where the president can legally assassinate anyone at will. But we are not enemies.
July 4, 1776 - we declare independence from a king July 1, 2024 - the Supreme Court decides the president can basically be a king
was informed my rent is increasing in October so i asked why and they said “we increase the rent every year because the cost of living goes up every year.” my brother in christ YOU ARE THE COST OF LIVING
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Again you should be encouraging celebs to fly commercial not taking their pics for cheap online dunks
Nadal in economy class from Mallorca to Barcelona 🤣
childish gambino wiped his cringe era off the internet and tries to gaslight us into thinking he’s always been cool. no sir, i was on tumblr in 2011 you will not get away with it
*taps the sign*
BREAKING: Biden says he will 'respect the limits of power,' after Supreme Court immunity ruling apnews.com/article/biden-…
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The greatest democracy the world has ever seen ended in the name of a reality TV game show host because one political party went insane from a black guy being elected President.
Americans should have the entire week off for the 4th this year as a kind of “going out of business” blow-out
Supreme Court Overturns 'Right v. Wrong' theonion.com/supreme-court-…
Do you think I can ask my law school for a refund because like there is no law anymore lol
In retrospect maybe it was bad to have nine unelected officials who decide our most important laws behind closed doors with total immunity and a lifetime appointment while gladly and openly taking bribes.
“But if we expand the court what happens when the other side wins” they already won you dumbass motherfucker
Ah, time to open some emails from the people who let this happen whose big plan is to have me send them money
Republicans: The President can kill people and take bribes. Democrats: You gotta hauk tua vote on that thang!
I am still waiting for a single republican to explain to me why trump needs Presidential Immunity if he is not a criminal.
- so, wait, back in 2024 did you have any indication that the U.S. was descending into authoritarianism? - yeah, we'd usually get two or three warnings every week or so
If you're 42 years old or older, the most important election of your lifetime was 2000. If you're 26-42, the most important election of your lifetime was 2016. If you're under 26, but old enough to vote, you haven't fucked up yet, but are about to.
July 2
Me: Is the red one cherry or strawberry? Morpheus: That honestly should not matter right now.
Belongs on a beat hoe
Does mustard belong on cheeseburgers?
Glad to see the stranger danger anthem is spreading. KDot protecting the youth
Yikes. Kids vibing to Kendrick Lamar's "Not Like Us"
of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centres around them being eaten
Look like a LeBron Party City costume ad.
First look at Bronny in Lakers’ threads 🧵
"I've left the cult of science" she declared on her livestream sent over high-speed internet while speaking into a sound amplification device, staring at a laptop computer, and drinking from a vessel designed to keep hot and cold liquids at their original temperature.
Candace Owens: “I'm not a flat earther. I'm not a round earther. Actually, what I am is I am somebody who has left the cult of science.”
Cop in front of me ordered a hazelnut cold brew and the barista said “look at you fancy” and he got really mad and said “no, I am not” lol
Care to mention that he’ll be at a NATO summit, Bob?
Trudeau no longer going to Calgary Stampede, as some Liberal MPs call for his resignation theglobeandmail.com/politics/artic…
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all of conservative legal theory in a single headline
My mom asked what my office does for faxing since we're completely remote, so I had to tell her we're actually located in 2024
(Sisyphus checking his todo list) oh nice only one task. Should be a light day
My partner is sending me slides from orientation at her new job and it's all like - No more than 80 hours per week! - 4 days guaranteed off per month! - Shifts are capped at 28 hours!
July 3
tim curry throughout his life telling anyone who'd listen that the biggest mistake he ever made in his career was cheating on his gorgeous co-star, the one woman who "got away" -- and that woman being miss piggy -- is why tim curry is the best actor of his generation
when we die we should all get a list of people who had crushes on us.
this is so much better than having glaciers on earth
This is pretty stunning AI spaghetti art... Like modern/abstract art, AI art will be a thing, and creative pieces will be displayed in museums. I can't wait for AI song to win a Grammy
She rapping about climate change
Glo lost me when she said it was 95 degrees at 7PM, hell nah ma
she never misses
Finding out "rizz" was apparently cause they couldn't spell charisma was funny
Gen Z & Gen Alpha keep creating all these acronyms cause they can’t read 🕊️
HR now getting slick.
Being white is the closest thing to having actual superpowers in this world.
the Hawk Tuah girl talks about quitting her job and is currently working on a show and podcast after gaining fame overnight… 💀 x.com/nbasanji/statu…
Out of the blue, I just remembered that I went to middle school with a guy named "Wayne Bruce" and he used to get mad when people called him "Man Bat."
Um, just found out that for $75 I can put a plaque with anything I want written on it on a bench on Roosevelt Island for 20 years and I think $75 is exactly the amount I'm willing to spend on a good bit.
Why are rich people so terrible at being rich? Sunak, Musk, Trump, that guy who has placenta infusions or whatever. Terrible. I’d be fucking amazing at it. Just floating around in my pool, sipping mojitos and not causing any trouble. What a waste.
some girl just crashed into me and we both didn’t know what to do so we called our dads and we’re just standing here holding our phones together so our dads can talk to each other 🧍🏻♀️
When your campaign is going well:
So every 250 years we have to defeat a mad king.
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Have thought on this all day
y’all complaining about this beef being played out like drake didn’t disturb kendrick’s peace and family. that man has every right to drag this for as long as he wants to.
Kendrick Lamar swings at an owl piñata in first look at “Not Like Us” video: “No ovhoes were harmed during the making of the video”
"See guys? No kids."
Drake released a website where you can tour his entire house pic.x.com/RtpoNRF27j
inside out if it was filmed inside my head
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July 4
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Happy Independence Day, America
yelling "this is it! The one thatll kill us all" every time i hear a firework to freak out my 8 big stupid ass dogs in my horrible apartment
A John Wick movie where he goes around assassinating people whose fireworks are upsetting the local dogs.
me when someone at work is telling me about something their child has done
Sign me up for Walk-A-Fella Records walk club.
THEY DONE CAUGHT JAY Z IN A WALKING CLUB ?!?! 😭
this guys denzel impression is insane
toronto is the type of city where the most viable way to save a beloved historic movie theatre is to have guillermo del toro tweet at the mayor
kendrick diabolical ass got Whitney crip walkin on drake grave lmaoo
On Juneteenth and the 4th. He said you not Black or American.
kendrick dropping a music video on independence day to call a canadian a pedophile is the most american shit ive seen all day
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Not Like Us isnt letting up. Video is gonna give it new life. HBCU/CFB football season is gonna give it new life. And don't let em drop a Black Hippy rmx. But this is how shit used to be. Hit records used to last for months. Streaming era fried everyone's attention spans
Not only did they recreate the second part of the Family Matters video in this shot, he had Dark Lane Demo Drake sneak behind him and get blasted away 😂😂 Cinematography dissing >>>
Kendrick Lamar’s whole music video was just him fucking with Drake. He was doing pushups, destroying an owl piñata, crip walking with Whitney, and ends it off with a shot of an owl in a cage, I know Drake mad as hell LMFAO
the symbolism is crazy, because all a caged bird gone do is sing 😂😂😂
Kendrick is a madman.
DENVER (AP) — To save West Coast spotted owls, US officials plan to use trained shooters to kill hundreds of thousands of barred owls.
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Life as a Kendrick Lamar fan these days
