Morrissey is out and Crow is in, scolding a raccoon for unforgivable sin, seeing Chicago in Hamilton, for Elon Musk, what coulda been and much more from this week in funny tweets. 
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July 20

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no idea what the shit is wrong with my brother but he's forever a legend for this one <a href="https://t.co/HYwuYSUDWn">pic.twitter.com/HYwuYSUDWn</a>
— kyle (@sosagoth) <a href="https://twitter.com/sosagoth/status/1152612040638382090?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 20, 2019</a></blockquote>
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July 21

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me: [googling] what do leg bleeding raccoon bite 
 
google: elevate and apply pressure 
 
me: [lifting raccoon real high] apologize or else
— rocket (@tweetsbyrocket) <a href="https://twitter.com/tweetsbyrocket/status/1153051403172089856?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 21, 2019</a></blockquote>
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<a href="https://t.co/2pqBetFBTv">pic.twitter.com/2pqBetFBTv</a>
— Satisfying Daily (@SatisfyingDaily) <a href="https://twitter.com/SatisfyingDaily/status/1153032000338636800?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 21, 2019</a></blockquote>
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July 22

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octopus: [gun in each hand] 
 
cat: you're one short buddy
— rocket (@tweetsbyrocket) <a href="https://twitter.com/tweetsbyrocket/status/1153307139760373760?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 22, 2019</a></blockquote>
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Dude Rorschach is my favourite superhero i just wish his mask didnt have a picture of my parents fighting on it
— Raptors (@Raptors__) <a href="https://twitter.com/Raptors__/status/1153154615363473408?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 22, 2019</a></blockquote>
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look honey, I know I promised I could get us tickets to see Hamilton in Chicago, but I got us the next best thing: tickets to see Chicago in Hamilton
— ℳatt (@matttomic) <a href="https://twitter.com/matttomic/status/1153447972694384640?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 22, 2019</a></blockquote>
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Driving up that hill <a href="https://t.co/9IJrH9R5KK">pic.twitter.com/9IJrH9R5KK</a>
— Eric Emm (@ericemm) <a href="https://twitter.com/ericemm/status/1153360889040580608?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 22, 2019</a></blockquote>
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July 23

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
Elon Musk is what Tony Stark would've been without Pepper Pots
— average joe (@jazz_inmypants) <a href="https://twitter.com/jazz_inmypants/status/1153645764305981441?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 23, 2019</a></blockquote>
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July 24

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I don't normally post political tweets but this emu playing with a sprinkler is very important. <a href="https://t.co/Pei8ZhaeZ8">pic.twitter.com/Pei8ZhaeZ8</a>
— Paul Bronks (@SlenderSherbet) <a href="https://twitter.com/SlenderSherbet/status/1154079359864623111?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 24, 2019</a></blockquote>
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July 25

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when the yoga teacher tells u to take ur time coming to a seated position at the top of ur mat <a href="https://t.co/PgCaYYa5MJ">pic.twitter.com/PgCaYYa5MJ</a>
— frankie (@frankiegreek) <a href="https://twitter.com/frankiegreek/status/1154460046622777344?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 25, 2019</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
There s a sticker on my food that says "ready to eat". no I'm ready to eat. it should say ready to be eaten
— Harrison 9⃣ (@harriweinreb) <a href="https://twitter.com/harriweinreb/status/1154549352754364416?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 26, 2019</a></blockquote>
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PETER PAN: we meet again, Captain Hook 
 
CAPTAIN HOOK: well well well-- wait u guys call me Hook? 
 
PETER PAN: yeah 
 
CAPTAIN HOOK: because of the hand? 
 
PETER PAN: ...i'm sorr- 
 
CAPTAIN HOOK: wow ok hey my dads dead too why not call me captain dead dad
— average joe (@jazz_inmypants) <a href="https://twitter.com/jazz_inmypants/status/1154404348128092162?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 25, 2019</a></blockquote>
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July 26

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for the past 3 years ive stopped buying a daily starbucks latte. ihave saved so much money that i can now afford to be buried in a casket. no more just throwing my rotting bones into the dirt for this guy. put me in some pine baby. thank u Financial Times. making thos dreams real
— TORMABLAIEFDHZSJKLNBDSFEJKL PICKASDFJKLFDSNMKOFDSJ (@Tormny_Pickeals) <a href="https://twitter.com/Tormny_Pickeals/status/1154755894003081218?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 26, 2019</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
why is every reddit relationships question like "i [F29] love my fiance [M34], except whenever we fight, he takes a dump in the living room, then makes me refer to his dump as 'Mr. Hoskins' and apologize to it. am i overreacting? our wedding is in 6 hours"
— Gabrielle Moss (@Gaby_Moss) <a href="https://twitter.com/Gaby_Moss/status/1154737833598435328?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 26, 2019</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
toddler car seats and gamer chairs... are the same <a href="https://t.co/pt1a1cmD9z">pic.twitter.com/pt1a1cmD9z</a>
— jamison ⚓️ (@jhermann) <a href="https://twitter.com/jhermann/status/1154798485054611456?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 26, 2019</a></blockquote>
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James Keast

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: July 26, 2019

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