Halloween II

Not long after his "remake" of John Carpenter's groundbreaking slasher film, Rob Zombie made it clear that he would not fall into the trappings of the original's sequel-lust and make another. But here we are with Halloween II, a typical sequel that runs amok with Carpenter and Debra Hill's rather uncomplicated yet chilling tale (though in his defence, it's not nearly as off-track as the unexplainable Halloween III: Season of the Witch). Zombie picks up minutes after the end of Halloween: Lauri Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton) is in shock after being attacked by Michael Myers (Rob Zombie look-alike Tyler Mane), who is allegedly dead and en route to the morgue. Michael, of course, skips his date with the coroner and decides to retreat into exile to plot his next murder spree. Two years later, he resurfaces with a big knife, the ghost of his mother (played by Sherri Moon Zombie), his young self and a white horse ― all a figment of his imagination. And that's kind of the story, or non-story, if you will. Aside from the "pure evil" monster returning to finish the job, there isn't much to Zombie's plot. Perhaps this is why he litters it with irrelevant characters and maddening hallucinatory dream sequences that seem more like a way of writing his wife into the film than any effective plot device. Malcolm McDowell, whose Dr. Loomis becomes a soulless, money-grubbing fame whore, also seems like an afterthought. The disappointment in how Zombie ― one of horror's truest auteurs of late ― utilizes the original source material is endless, but none more so than how he mistreats his main character. Again, he keeps pushing the Michael Myers back-story to reveal a human side when what made us so frightened originally was seeing the empty killing machine that Carpenter first introduced us to keep going and going, Energizer-bunny style. (Also, I do believe Zombie's Michael utters a word at some point, which is a complete no-no!) Listening to Zombie's commentary almost fools me into thinking there actually is a story here. The guy can sell frozen burger patties as prime rib, but the celluloid doesn't lie: there's nothing on screen but buckets of brown blood splattered all over the tasteless ultra-violence. It's fun to hear him give the details on everything though. For instance, tales of how he cast the Geico Caveman in a bit part or that seven different people tried to shut them down while shooting at the strip joint is classic. The deleted scenes don't offer much, despite there being so many, but the bloopers do show the light side of making such a vicious film. Plus: audition footage, make-up test footage, Uncle Seymour Coffin's Stand-Up Routines, and Captain Clegg and the Night Creatures' music videos.