May 4
Me when more than 2 women like my story on IG
May 5
Oh Buddy. You’ve done more than make them think about it. You’ve bonded them forever in a group text where one of them will share a wedding photo or promotion news and one of the others will say “i don’t know, SMELLS LIKE FAILURE.” And then they’ll all die laughing.
May 6
The masculine urge to buy an unopened unabomber package
Texas is 77% Christian. It has had 17 mass shootings in the last 10 years. Japan is 1% Christian. It has had 0 mass shootings in the last 10 years. Texas has 29.5 million citizens. Japan has 125.7 million citizens. It’s the guns. Don’t bring Jesus into this.
America doesn’t have a gun problem. We have a heart problem. America doesn’t need gun control. It needs Jesus. My thoughts and prayers are with the people of Allen, Texas.
This is my favorite thing I’ve seen in months.
Listen all y'all
kendall roy was only 39 when he wrote and performed l to the og
Shiv and Roman energy #Succession
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took him 74 years to become king when lebron needed just 18.
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Major “fight in the car” energy from all four of them.
What in the Etsy shop mess is this? All that colonization and blood diamond money and y’all are serving us Party City?
Years ago I was in a play and @TVsJonDore sent me flowers on opening night. When I saw the card I laughed hysterically. When the rest of the cast saw it they were MAD 😡 😂 #IYKYK
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It’s wild seeing that child sized Blues Clues chair go viral because I have one that I got from my aunt who was gonna toss it more than a decade ago and my cat just sleeps on it pretty much everyday as if he worked a double shift during Black Friday.
I once knew a guy who got more women to sleep with him than you could imagine, despite being average looking, on the short side and usually broke, so I asked him his secret. He said "I just am really nice, but not like in a way that I want anything in return."
Pete Davidson just dropped off pizza from Spumoni Gardens for striking Writer’s Guild members in Greenpoint
WHO Announces Public Health Emergency Over, Announces Public Health Permanent Hellscape Just Getting Started.
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any of you speak German who can translate this for me
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May 7
I love this content 😭😭😭
WHO WORE IT BETTER?!!!
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Still hitting notes from under the stage. A showman.
It’s time to retire 🤣
post the same actor in two roles that show their range
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wait this is so embarrassing
A breathtaking series of owns
my favorite wga strike sign as of late
Stopped by a very charming rural ice cream stand but this sign might be its most charming feature
I can’t read the sign, but I think it says “Put a brick through my window”
ok but she really was insane for this though
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May 8
Shaq TNT: "This series is over…They may win another game, but if they go back to Miami, bring one set of clothes" Charles Barkley: "They only playing 1 game" Shaq: "Huh?" Ernie Johnson: "They'd only play 1 game…" Shaq: "If you shut your fat face & listen…I'm talking about…
i’ve never laughed so hard at a “what?” in my life son look at Jokic’s face
Props to video guy in Anaheim. This is hilarious
Here u go. But I added myself in the picture if u don’t mind
Found this guy on insta that posts jam sessions with a little alien dude, now my favorite thing to ever come from the app
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“Yo bob is fye.” LMFAO 💀
Rewatching NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN for the billionth time and realized the only character to defeat Chigurh is:
KENDALL: i'm thinking we, uh fucking call out his bullshit, okay, fucking sarcasm bomb the shit out of jon's dial up-ass backwards fucking monday policy, and just uh carbload, do some fucking lasagna fuckfest shit yeah? GARFIELD: *nodding*
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Snoop Dogg blasting the streaming model and supporting the writers’ strike is my FAVORITE thing ever. 🐐
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thinking about david lynch’s reaction to his interviewer having a pet mouse
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Yes
So if women have period symptoms before, during, and after their period does that mean you all only get a week and a half of peace a month?
They look like the front of a party city costume pack
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Royalty wasn't meant to last past the invention of digital photography, looks like an iPhone pic of someone's grandparents at Medieval Times
May 9
SHAKIRA! LISTEN TO ME! HE'S TRYING TO RECRUIT YOU INTO SCIENTOLOGY! DON'T GO OUT WITH HIM! LISTEN TO ME! SHAKIRA!!
Tom Cruise is reportedly “extremely interested in Shakira” and sent her flowers after they hung out together at the F1 in Miami.
Rodney Dangerfield making love to his wife
this girl needs an oscar im sorry
The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (2023)
Ummmmmm, guys?????
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The title "Beetlejuice Beetlejuice" was right there.
Jenna Ortega will officially star in ‘BEETLEJUICE 2’ as the daughter of Winona Ryder’s Lydia Deetz. The film releases on September 6, 2024.
Disgusting. The studios are using every union-busting tactic in their arsenal
How train scene actually look like
Tucker’s audience trying to get Twitter to work on their cable remotes.
🚨 NEWS: Tucker Carlson will relaunch his show *on Twitter* with help from former Fox News staff. He will forgo at least $25 million owed to him by Fox Corp. in order to break non-compete clause. @PuckNews
finally. if i do not want to give my phone number someone, they will still be able to call me. you’ve done it again sir
this is the the best idea I have ever had in my life
SHSKDHDKDHDKDJKDDHDLHFDKFHDLNDLFLFJDHDLDKDHDLDDsjddhslbkdhsdlsjbdkjd
i haven't watched the good doctor but this clip is unintentionally hilarious
Tried carrying my eggs in multiple baskets and looked like a fucking idiot.
it's ok to listen to the band you're going to see on the way to the show but not on the way home. can't explain it but it's science
May 10
such a cruel fate, to have the gift of prophecy but only know how to communicate via playfully booping basketballs into trash cans. The corgi knows the horrors which await us but he cannot warn us. He can only boop
The TikTok corgi has now predicted all 4 games correctly in Lakers-Warriors… He has Golden State coming back from 3-1 down 👀 pic.x.com/nH2XQEtgyb
a lot of self-report happening...
Pete Davidson has the opportunity to do the funniest thing of all time
aw, what a sweet photo of frank and kendall.
It’s too big.
#BREAKING: Canada has unveiled a new design to the Canadian Passport. It will be rolled out this summer. It’s not red.
Canadians with new passport travelling this fall:
#BREAKING: Canada has unveiled a new design to the Canadian Passport. It will be rolled out this summer. It’s not red.
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May 11
Man, I wish I had more people who were not happy with me
Warner Bros. Discovery shareholders barely approved David Zazlav's $39 million pay package – a signal that they're not happy. thewrap.com/warner-bros-di…
I am excited to officially take on the role as CEO of Twitter. This has been in the works for months.
BREAKING: Elon Musk has chosen a new CEO of Twitter and plans to step down from the role within weeks, the entrepreneur says. trib.al/mNoT9W8
LinkedIn is truly the greatest mistake of god
Aaron Rodgers’ Jets’ debut will come on Monday Night Football, Sept. 11, at home against the Buffalo Bills.
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It's funny to watch people in the replies shouting "It's because they went woke!" or "It's because the new Mandalorian season sucked!" and you drill down into the article and see it's mostly because they lost the rights to show professional cricket league games in India.