Jonas Akerland

"God bless you, Mickey Rourke!" Crystal methamphetamine. Speed-freaks. The cook. Bleached-out celluloid. Masturbating monkeys. Don't answer the phone. Dilated pupils. Green dog. Circus Liquor. Sniff. Beat-down. Rob Halford, porn clerk. King Kong Bundy. Score by Billy Corgan. 666: the number of the Beast. Ron Jeremy. Unrequited love. $450. Animated golden showers. Starring Eric Roberts as the Man. Very sketchy. Very black. But funny. Sniff. ChiPs gone bad. Debbie "the dyke" Harry kicks ass, literally. Spider Mike loses the package. Patrick Fugit's zits. Britney Murphy's tits. Mena Suvari's teeth. I wanna rock and roll all night and party ev-er-y day! Bondage. Paranoia, paranoia, everybody's trying to get me. Just say you never met me. The stripper pole. A white cowboy hat. Sniff. A Volvo. Three days in the life of Jason Schwartzman. No sleep. No sleep. No sleep. Director Jonas "Smack My Bitch Up" Akerland: Q. "What can we expect?" A. "A lot of noise." Kaboom! "Goddamn, Mickey!"