Here's What Critics Are Saying About the "Stale Excrement" That Is Morrissey's Novel

Today (September 24) marks the international release of cantankerous Smiths singer Morrissey's debut novel, List of the Lost, via Penguin. It's not out yet here in North America, but is it worth having it shipped overseas? To get a sense of what people are saying about the book, we've scoured the web and assembled some notable reviews.

First off, Michael Hann of the Guardian had some very damning things to say, as he wrote this:

Do not read this book; do not sully yourself with it, no matter how temptingly brief it seems. All those who shepherded it to print should hang their heads in shame, for it's hard to imagine anything this bad has been put between covers by anyone other than a vanity publisher. It is an unpolished turd of a book, the stale excrement of Morrissey's imagination.

Nico Hines of the Daily Beast wasn't any kinder, as he identified Mozzer's treatment of female characters are particularly problematic:

At times the writing is laughably clunky; the characters are thinly drawn; and the plot twists delivered so matter-of-factly that they prove more confusing than shocking. None of these issues are the most glaring problem with List of the Lost, however. That accolade goes to the extraordinary tone of misogyny that pervades the entire story.

FACT, meanwhile, made fun of the book's sex scene and called it "eye-wateringly bad." In particular, lots of readers have been making fun of the phrase "bulbous salutation" as a phallic euphemism, and Metro points out that it has already become something of a viral hashtag. Here are some of the highlights from Twitter:

I've invented a new punctuation mark for #NationalPunctuationDay. I've called it the #BulbousSalutation pic.twitter.com/v1WlXknhFX

— Larry Stephens (@lsggbg) September 24, 2015

"... and a bulbous salutation to you, Madam!" #BulbousSalutation #Morrissey pic.twitter.com/dDXfmjDOBi

— Mr. Robart (@FromRoy) September 24, 2015

Come with me and you'll be In a world of #BulbousSalutation

— NorthernLine (@NrthrnLine) September 24, 2015

Punctured bulbous salutation, on a hillside desolate. #BulbousSalutation

— TittyBiscuits. (@dawneywawney) September 24, 2015

"A very merry Christmas," chortled Father Christmas. "And bulbous salutations to you all," chorused the crowd. #BulbousSalutation

— Rick Burin (@rickburin) September 24, 2015

HOW do you barrel roll your breasts though? Like, do they have to twirl round each other in a double helix formation? #BulbousSalutation

— Elizabeth Cairns (@cairnage) September 24, 2015

#bulboussalutation pic.twitter.com/FVFOD23STC

— Jenny O (@Moominstrudel) September 24, 2015

@McMoop @fiatpanda @mattleys @jackseale l'm suing. #bulboussalutation pic.twitter.com/1IHwssPBDc

— Babbet fitzsimons (@Babbetfitzsimon) September 24, 2015

#BulbousSalutation pic.twitter.com/uinBSCQ47F

— Phlegm Clandango (@Cain_Unable) September 24, 2015

#BulbousSalutation pic.twitter.com/6gbypKZyHs

— Lorelei King (@LoreleiKing) September 24, 2015

And in the darkened underpass, I thought, "oh God, my #BulbousSalutation has come at last".

— Paul Mitchell (@mrmitchell78) September 24, 2015

Lastly, we'll leave you with what Moz himself said about the book [via True to You]. If you still want to read it after this, then we wish you luck.

The theme is demonology ... the left-handed path of black magic. It is about a sports relay team in 1970s America who accidentally kill a wretch who, in esoteric language, might be known as a Fetch ... a discarnate entity in physical form. He appears, though, as an omen of the immediate deaths of each member of the relay team. He is a life force of a devil incarnate, yet in his astral shell he is one phase removed from life. The wretch begins a banishing ritual of the four main characters, and therefore his own death at the beginning of the book is illusory.