Chrome Division

The (obviously) tertiary release from Motörhead-obsessed, black metal-overwhelmed outfit Chrome Division, 3rd Round Knockout finds Dimmu Borgir frontman Shagrath and crew striving to sound as tough, unrepentant and vicious as their apparent heroes. Once again, they fall decidedly flat, creating an album that comes across as the rock'n'roll version of Engrish: cute for its effort, hilariously ridiculous for what it actually delivers and occasionally inappropriate due to what it strings together. A sad melange of hard, not heavy, the album's ten songs reek of meat-headed modern hardcore rubbing awkwardly against '80s hair metal; it's a sickening image of Hatebreed collaborating with one of those asinine bands from The Decline of the Western Civilization: The Metal Years ― on some forgettable Black Label Society track, to boot. Already boring by the mid-point in first track "Bulldogs Unleashed" ― a situation even the incessant guitar wankery can't resolve ― there's little improvement throughout its 45 minutes of tough guy affectations, half-tempo tunes and intention over execution. "Join the Ride" is enough to give any motorcycle enthusiast club reason to sell their iron horses. To be fair, technically able and sonically crisp on 3rd Round Knockout, Chrome Division are good at what they do. Still, what they do is so dated and embarrassing one can't imagine who would be tasteless enough to try appreciating it.