Tales of the Dead

At a very young age, we are taught to never judge a book by its cover. Unfortunately as anybody who rides any form of public transportation or reviews horror films on a weekly basis knows, this false life lesson is meant to mislead people into believing everybody has something good within them despite appearances. When I glanced over "director" Kemal Yildirim's Tales of the Dead DVD cover, which features a ghoulish figure that appears to be photo-shopped from a haunted house advertisement, it was no surprise what I found within. Tales of the Dead is a poorly shot, written, edited and horribly acted horror anthology that's a pitiful excuse for a high school project, let alone a marketable title from any distribution company. Clocking in at what should seem like a mere 75 minutes, Tales of the Dead features five "grim stories of curses, horror and gore" (stated on the "grisly" DVD cover) and for nearly the first 20 minutes of the "film," viewers are treated to watching Yildirim and all his family members (who receive acting credits in the film, mind you) talking nonsense while smoking a hookah pipe without changing camera angles whatsoever. Although this may verify why racism will never go away, it will also make the five other viewers wish they rented the new Kristy Swanson/Kari Wuhrer horror film on-demand instead. The five stories include Craigslist actors walking around as zombies, getting their limbs amputated and killing all of the director's family members. Considering Tales of the Dead's information is not available on IMDB, it is safe to say that very few film buffs will ever discover the atrocity of this amateur horror flick. A behind-the-scenes featurette and trailer are provided by Chemical Burn Entertainment for the special features, which is appropriate since you will feel like you endured a chemical burn if you choose to sit through them.