Prom [Blu-ray]

In the opening scene of Disney's latest misguided and deluded ode to capturing the spirit of the twitter generation, Prom, Nova Prescott (Friday Night Lights' Aimee Teegarden) babbles on in voiceover about how prom is a time for every different type of person – popular, jock-ish, brain-ish, dorky, etc. –to come together and celebrate. She goes on to suggest that it's a way for all past problems to be shed for one night of harmonic, Xanadu, communist idealism. Now, from what I recall, prom wasn't anything like this; instead being an excuse for young couples to bang – and, since I'm from a small farming community, get pregnant – in a cheap motel after taking horse tranquilizers and drunk driving in bad rental outfits. The only people that went, and were welcome, were the jock and popular types that weren't quite discerning enough to question why such an event had any relevance. But, since this is Disney, the after-prom motel romps, excess intoxication and unseemly reality that teenagers are vicious, hormonal sociopaths are eschewed for an abundance of pop music and kooky montages. There's a bit of a struggle – in order to stay true to the screenwriting rule of necessary conflict – wherein the prom decorations are ruined, leaving Nova to work with motorcycle riding bad boy Jesse (Thomas McDonell) after school to ensure that prom goes off without a hitch. The drama revolves around whether or not these two comely, vapid teens will, um, "dance" together at the titular event. In the periphery are students with incidental problems, like getting into a college far away from their significant other, representing all of the races without individuating them for fear of racial claims. And, again, since this is Disney, there are no homosexuals, because who wants to deal with that issue during a grotesque performance of heteronormative superficiality? Beyond being borderline incoherent and unrealistic to the point of Dadaist subversion, Prom's biggest issue is that it's abhorrently vapid and predictably numbing. It's like a giant, manipulative marketing plea to ensure that everyone remain passive consumers incapable of questioning even the most absurd of social customs and enterprises. Movies like Prom preach accepting difference while themselves being little more than a protracted advertisement for adapting to the status quo. The Blu-Ray includes multiple music videos from folks like Alistair Weekend and Moon, even though the actual film features music by Pains of Being Pure at Heart and Band of Horses. There's also the usual "behind the scenes" puff piece and a blooper reel where the teens take turns sticking their tongues out at the camera. They're so crazy that way!