Man Arrested After Beating Meat at 'Love Lies Bleeding' Screening

A 33-year-old was taken into custody after a performing a different kind of phlebotomy on himself at a movie theatre in suburban Michigan

Photo courtesy of Sundance Institute

BY Megan LaPierrePublished Mar 15, 2024

Last night (March 14), a Detroit moviegoer was arrested for allegedly engaging in lewd behaviour during a screening of the new Kristen Stewart feature, Love Lies Bleeding.

A patron of the MRJ Southgate Cinema in the city's suburb of Southgate was taken into police custody following a showing of the neo-noir lesbian thriller directed by Rose Glass, which sees Stewart and Katy O'Brian respectively star a gym attendant and bodybuilder who fall in love, inject steroids, and do crime and stuff. I've heard on good authority that it's very hot — and apparently the 33-year-old man thought so too, with eyewitness reports saying that he masturbated during the movie until he fell asleep.

Twitter user @UglyXKorean posted a NSFW photo of the accused, sleeping in a theatre recliner with a one-hand grip on his meat. "Went to go see Love Lies Bleeding and this drunk guy jacked himself off to sleep," the witness captioned the photo, which shows an assortment of items — including two small bottles of liquor, a pack of Marlboros, a vape and his movie ticket — next to the man.

The Southgate Police Department aren't going as far as @UglyXKorean and haven't made any masturbatory accusations; instead, they said they arrested him for being intoxicated and refusing to leave the theatre [via TMZ]. After he was taken into custody, they found illegal substances on him and booked the sausage-massager for possession of narcotics, indecent exposure, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.

As per Variety, the investigation into the incident is ongoing, and the case is being submitted to the Wayne County Prosecutor's Office for review. It seems as though including the word "gush" in the headline for our review of the film now works in even more ways.

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