I Know Who Killed Me

I don't know who would enjoy I Know Who Killed Me, but I do know that you won't get back the 106 minutes that this movie will steal from your life. In fact, I think it might be more pleasant to be the victim of the film's fictional crime than to have to sit through this DVD. Aubrey Fleming (Lindsay Lohan) is a smart, creative student with a picture perfect small town life and a promising scholastic career ahead of her. One night Aubrey disappears and is found several weeks later in a ditch, missing a couple limbs and claiming that she is actually Dakota Moss, a troubled girl from the big city. Aubrey's parents and doctors work hard to help her through her post-traumatic psychotic break, while police search for clues to identify her kidnapper. But all is not as it seems... and the truth is more idiotic than you can imagine. Don't be tricked into watching I Know Who Killed Me by the allure of Lindsay Lohan’s strip scene, which has all the eroticism of a coked-out manatee awkwardly violating a greased pole. Even worse than the Rated-PG "dance” scene is the convoluted and illogical twist that explains why Lohan’s character seems to have a split personality after her kidnapping/dismemberment ordeal. The DVD extras are pretty sparse, including an alternate opening that adds absolutely nothing to the story, an alternate ending that seems to imply that the whole movie was actually a story written by the Lohan character, an extended strip dance scene designed to lure in unwitting males, and a blooper reel for people who like to watch actors flub lines. If you do find yourself unable to resist the chance of seeing a famous actress doing a strip tease you have many more pleasant options that will satisfy your desire, including: Keira Knightly, Salma Hayek, Demi Moore, Natalie Portman, Jessica Alba, and Jamie Lee Curtis. Save yourself some mental anguish and stay away from I Know Who Killed Me, because if you "Knew Who Killed You While Watching This Film” you'd probably come back from the dead to thank them.