Dinocroc vs. Supergator [Blu-Ray]

Roger Corman has cited Jaws as the turning point of American exploitation filmmaking ― not only had the major studios begun working in the disreputable genres that were once the independents' territory, but they had the resources to make them better. For years, I honestly wondered how Corman's New Horizons studio could stay in business (why would you settle for, say, Carnosaur 3: Primal Species when you could watch Jurassic Park?), but never underestimate the old schlockmeister's ability to reinvent himself. Along with spiritual cousins Dinoshark and Sharktopus, Dinocroc vs. Supergator is part of a new wave of self-consciously ridiculous Corman/Syfy Channel productions that, like the Corman cheapies of yore, are sold on the sheer ludicrousness of their titles. Sure, you can go out to a theatre to see your Thors, Iron Men and Fast Fives, but where else are you going to see a Dinocroc or a Supergator? Of course, nobody renting Dinocroc vs. Supergator honestly expects it to be good because, really, the only reason to watch it is because the very idea of watching something as patently terrible-sounding as Dinocroc vs. Supergator is hilarious. This, folks, is how Corman has been able to survive: by turning the act of renting one of his movies into an elaborate piece of ironic performance art. Criticism seems irrelevant in the face of a movie like this (especially since your humble correspondent has already strained to provide commentary on several of these interchangeable Sharktodinocrotopus things), but form dictates that you'd like to hear my opinion. Well, dear reader, the film opens with the Dinocroc and the Supergator escaping at the same time from the same Hawaiian research plant, so at least it has enough respect for the audience to open with a bang. The rest of the movie hits all the familiar beats (I wonder what will happen when those pretty ladies and that horny doofus stand next to a large body of water?), with the usual two-dimensional monster hunters and terrible special effects. The late David Carradine pops up every now and then as the millionaire owner of a genetic testing lab, but all of his scenes are shot in the same mansion, and he appears to be reading his lines from off-screen. Oh, there are also playful references to Corman films Wild Angels, The Intruder and She-Gods of Shark Reef; the extremely questionable assertion that, "Alligator and crocodile are mortal enemies ("I say we bring 'em together, make 'em fight"); and a final confrontation in which one of the titular monsters actually beats the other. I won't say which, because I don't want to spoil the surprise (and because I can't tell the Dinocroc from the Supergator). Blu-Ray extras include a commentary with Roger Corman and director Jim Wynorski (the affable hack behind dozens of New Horizons films). If you, like I, are occasionally touched by the fact that Corman is still shooting crappy monster movies in tropical locations after all these years, you'll be happy to learn that Wynorski is trying to sell Corman on a remake of Attack of the Crab Monsters.