200th Issue Celebration The Exclaim! Questionnaire

200th Issue Celebration The Exclaim! Questionnaire
Exclaim! celebrates our 200th issue ever with this retrospective of the best Questionnaire answers in our history, which in this case is technically only 113 issues. (This feature debuted, with Buck 65, in September 1999.) It was called 20 Questions then and we'd do two at a time, head-to-head. We've changed interrogative tack a few times, but the heart remains the same. See you again for #300, in February 2019.

What are you up to?
Right now I've got my cock in my hand. [Tricky, July 2003]
Right now I'm having a coffee latté and a large spliff. [Sinead O'Connor, October 2005]
I am up to my neck in shitty stories about my past degradative exploits, and really sick of it as only a reformed and newly respected pillar of society can be. [Iggy Pop, April 2007]
I'm healing the people. [GZA, November 2008]
I'm the Interplanetary correspondent for Fox News. [Gwar's Oderus Ungerus, August 2009]

Why do you live where you do?
I've lived in the same house in Detroit my whole life. I don't know why. [The White Stripes's Jack White, April 2003]
I live in Los Angeles because my wife told me to. [Lou Barlow, April 2004]
If I stand in the bottom of my garden at high tide I can throw a rock in the sea. [Billy Bragg, April 2006]
I live in a trailer park in Malibu and it's heaven. [Minnie Driver, September 2007]
Chance combined with laziness. [Buck 65, June 2009]
I live in Riverside, California and I live here because I grew up on the south side of Chicago. Period. [Chali 2na, July 2009]

Name something you consider a mind-altering work of art:
Aguirre, the Wrath of God
by Werner Herzog, but secondly, my penis. [Kenny, of Kenny Vs. Spenny, December 2007]

What has been your most memorable or inspirational gig and why?
One we didn't play. We got trapped in the backstage room by steaming hot water spraying from a broken pipe. We had to stand on couches while the room filled with hot brownish water. Luckily, they had already stocked the room with our rider. [The Donnas, March 2001]
Getting kicked off the Grand Ole Opry before actually getting to play there. [Neko Case, September 2002]
The Damned in NYC in '91 with all the line-ups combined, even the versions that broke up. Whoever quit would just walk off stage and their replacement would come out. [Ian Blurton, July 2004]
Being inspirational is not my gig. [Rick Mercer, December 2006]

What have been your career highs and lows?
Low: Sloan breaking up. High: Sloan getting back together. [Sloan's Jay Ferguson, October 2001]
I was named one of the 50 most loathsome New Yorkers by New York Press Magazine. [David Cross, May 2004]
Low: Warner stealing changeofheart.com for their stupid dating show. [Ian Blurton, July 2004]
Getting arrested was not a high. [Peewee Herman, December 2004]
I don't take the word career that seriously. [Bad Religion's Greg Graffin, July 2006]
My career low was opening for Rihanna in Ottawa and getting booed off-stage while insulting the crowd at the same time. [Cadence Weapon, March 2008]

What's the meanest thing ever said to you before, during or after a gig?
Before a gig: "Don't do it!" During the gig: "Stop doing it!" And after the gig: "Is that all?" [Kermit the Frog, November 2003]
Oh my God, it's those guys from BASEketball." [South Park's Trey Parker, June 2005]
"I really liked [a certain song], it's a shame you had to ruin it with your voice." [J. Mascis, May 2007]
Show us your tits" and that I need to lose 20 lbs. [Sarah Silverman, November 2007]
A director recently said: "Tell the little girl to slap him in the face and call him fatso." [Seán Cullen, December 2008]

What should everyone shut up about?
Pine nuts. They taste like ass. [Neko Case, September 2002]
Themselves. [kd lang, February 2008]

What traits do you most like and most dislike about yourself?
I love the fact that I've managed to generate myself an extraordinary amount of cash. It allows me to interrupt people. [Oasis's Noel Gallagher, November 2006]
I don't like to do negative things. If I have to go break a nigga's jaw? I'm not happy I had to do that. [RZA, February 2007]
I don't like that I black out when I get drunk. [Distillers' Brody Dalle, April 2009]

What are your feelings on piracy, internet or otherwise?
Anything that takes power from record companies means we're gonna start hearing good music. [Tricky, July 2003]
I'm a fan of downloading and the open-source ethos that it harbours for the future. [Sonic Youth's Lee Ranaldo, June 2004]
I stole so therefore I will be stolen from. [k-os, February 2005]
I have only piracy to thank for the fact that I can show up at a concert in Caracas and have every kid have made a handmade Metric t-shirt and know all the lyrics. [Metric's Emily Haines, October 2006]
It's a touchy situation because I was kind of advocating downloads but I didn't know it was going to cripple the business, yo. [RZA, February 2007]

What's your idea of a perfect Sunday?
Sundays aren't much fun. Everyone singin' and ringing bells and shit. It's fuckin' terrible. [Motorhead's Lemmy Kilmister, October 2008]

What advice should you have taken, but did not?
Don't masturbate five times in one day. [Rufus Wainright, October 2003]
Look at it for what it really is, not what you want it to be. [Isaac Hayes, December 2003]
I wish someone had given me advice - I'm still looking for it. [Rob Zombie, August 2005]
"Don't fookin' join your brother's band." [Oasis's Noel Gallagher, November 2006]
My mum told me that I shouldn't hang around with girls because they'll only break my heart. [Billy Bragg, April 2006]
Play the guitar, chicks dig it." [Kid Koala, September 2009]
"Don't hang out with those boys." [Merge Records' Laura Ballance, October 2009]

What would make you kick someone out of your band and/or bed, and have you?
If you are not funny, I will not sleep with you, nor can you play in my band. [Neko Case, September 2002]
I think I'd be the one who'd get kicked out! [Nardwuar the Human Serviette, February 2004]
I used to kick 'em out of my bed all the time. It's just part of my personality. Out! With the band, they'd have to break the unwritten code. Which is convenient, because it;s unwritten. [Iggy Pop, April 2007]
If they wet it or barfed in it. [Megadeth's Dave Mustaine, June 2007]
If they stabbed me. And only then if the wound was deep. [Seán Cullen, December 2008]

What do you think of when you think of Canada?
Husky stations, especially the one in Regina that sells carrot juice. [Sarah Harmer, October 2000]
Please save me from my rabid, bloodthirsty President who will surely eat of my flesh and drink of my blood. [Neko Case, September 2002]
Damn, I have to go through that fucking border. [No Use For A Name, October 2002]
Tommy Hunter and Anne Murray fucking, with Lloyd Robertson drunk doing commentary. [Hugh Dillon, December 2002]
Mostly I think of Montreal and Vancouver. I don't really think too much about the in-between part. [David Cross, May 2004]
The singer, Helen Murray. No, Anne Murray - don't tell Helen Murray I said that. [Peewee Herman, December 2004]
Being 12 years old, sending postcards out to tourist boards in different provinces asking for information on attractions the province had to offer. [Neil Diamond, December 2005]
I'm not allowed in Canada. [Ghostface Killah, May 2006]
Flannel. Rye. Workmanship. [Cadence Weapon, March 2008]
People support music way more; they've got a way better attitude in general. [Gwar's Oderus Ungerus, August 2009]

What was your most memorable day job?
As many shitting things you can think of to buy, that's as many shitty things as I've sold. [Leslie Feist, September 2000]
Playing accordion in a samba band for giant dancing puppets. [Veda Hille, May 2001]
Stealing. [Tricky, July 2003]
I was a kiss-a-gram girl in a French maid outfit. [Sinead O'Connor, October 2005]
I never had a day job. I've been DJing since before I hit puberty. [A-Trak, March 2006]
Driving a tank in the British army. [Billy Bragg, April 2006]
Working as a "pool attendant" in a hotel. I can't swim. [Buck 65, June 2009]

How do you spoil yourself?
Since I don't take drugs anymore, I have a real weakness for guitars and sunglasses. [Oasis's Noel Gallagher, November 2006]
A New Yorker magazine and a bag of peanuts with shells. I'm a simple girl. [Zooey Deschanel, April 2008]
I collect action figures. My wife gets mad at me, like "my husband plays with dolls." I feel bad, but she's right. [Chali 2na, July 2009]

If I wasn't playing music I would be...
Playing pro baseball, or on the radio. [Buck 65, September 1999, the first-ever Exclaim! Questionnaire]
Fucked. [Ian Blurton, July 2004]
A political problem for somebody. [Iggy Pop, April 2007]
A therapist. I'm good at staring at people until they talk about themselves. [J Mascis, May 2007]
A plumber in a porno movie. [King Khan, November 2009]

What do you fear most?
Success. So I have little to fear. [Julie Doiron, August 2001]
Complacency. Once you run out of things to strive for, you're pretty much old. [Dashboard Confessional, August 2003]
There's a secret fear in me that I should be afraid of more things that I am. [Bad Religion's Greg Graffin, July 2006]
Maple syrup on my arms. [Zooey Deschanel, April 2008]

What has been your strangest celebrity encounter?
My mom taught Jodie Foster how to dance when she was pregnant with me. [Joel Plaskett, July 2001]
A fan once mistook me for Marilyn Manson. We have a similar complexion. [Kermit the Frog, November 2003]
When I first got into Scientology, I had to confront me. That was kind of strange. [Isaac Hayes, December 2003]
II was at an Academy Awards party once, the year after I wore the dress, and Jennifer Lopez came up and shoved me and walked away. Fucking bitch. [South Park's Trey Parker, June 2005]
I got hit on by Ethan Hawke, but so has everyone else. [Metric's Emily Haines, October 2006]
Drinking with Kiefer Sutherland who took all of his clothes off, jumped behind the bar and started serving. [Beth Orton, February 2006]
Taking a leak between Jon Bon Jovi and James Carville. And I'll give it to the Ragin' Cajun. [Rick Mercer, December 2006]
Bruce Willis nearly killed me [surfing]. He took off on a wave and landed on my head. [Minnie Driver, September 2007]
One time somebody was walking down the street with their fingertip on my shoulder saying, "I'm walking down the street with Cee-Lo Green. I'm touchin' him, I'm touchin' him right now." [Cee-Lo Green, May 2008]
When I got asked to sing on Bob Dylan's [Desire] record. I thought he was asking for me specifically, [but] he had just said to the producer to get him a girl singer. [Emmylou Harris, June 2008]
Gene Simmons touches my face every time I see him and I just can't take it anymore. [Distillers' Brody Dalle, April 2009]

Who would be your ideal dinner guest, living or dead, and what would you serve them?
I'm on a global quest to find the world's greatest milkshake and I'd have one with Ted Williams. [Buck 65, June 2009]

What does your mom wish you were doing instead?
My mom wishes I was on the cover of Exclaim! Oh Susanna's mom gets to see her on the cover, waddaya got against my mom? [Ron Hawkins, March 2001]
As one of her 3,934 children, she sometimes has trouble remembering which one I am. [Kermit the Frog, November 2003]
Don't talk about my fucking mother. [Will Oldham, March 2004]
She wants me to have a job with some phone company, with a really low afro, and be leasing a Honda Civic. [k-os, February 2005]
Calling her more often. [Bad Religion's Greg Graffin, July 2006]
A proper job. I don't know what that means but she's always saying "When are you gonna get a proper job?" [Billy Bragg, April 2006]

What song would you like to have played at your funeral?
All of Górecki's "Symphony #3." Wen I die that is actually what will happen - it's in my will. [Matthew Good, August 2007]
"Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye" by Leonard Cohen. [AC Newman, February 2009]
"Please Don't Talk About Me When I'm Gone" by Leon Redbone. [Buck 65, June 2009]
"Movin' Right Along" by Kermit and Fozzie. Kermit was a pretty enlightened amphibian. [Kid Koala, September 2009]

Given the opportunity to choose, how would you like to die?
In the high desert, alone, baking to a crisp in the sun. [Sonic Youth's Lee Ranaldo, June 2004]
I'd like to be electrocuted by my own guitar amp. [Ian Blurton, July 2004]
Eaten by a wild animal. [Lou Barlow, April 2004]
For the right cause. [Ghostface Killah, May 2006]
Overdose, preferably heroin. [Oasis's Noel Gallagher, November 2006]