Fat Bobby The Exclaim! Questionnaire

Fat Bobby is the keyboardist in retro-rock band Oneida, from Brooklyn NY. Their latest album, Anthem of the Moon, is out now on Jagjaguwar.

Current fixations:
Books by Dorothy Sayers; early American history.

Mind-altering work of art:
Stand on Zanzibar, novel by John Brunner.

Most memorable or inspirational gig and why?
Howard Jones, Madison Square Garden, 1985. Frozen Ghost opened. I was floored — the future was instantly revealed to me in a flash of pop brilliance and smoke machines.

What has been your career high and low?
High: Having a U.S. Top 10 hit with my composition "Breakfast at Tiffany's."
Low: Having said hit be a crappy version by a crappy band.

What should everyone shut up about?

I would drop everything to play a benefit for:
Laid-off corporate CEOs.

What trait do you like and dislike most about yourself?
I'm a huge liar. That goes for both like and dislike.

What would make you kick someone out of your band and/or bed, and have you?
Being taller, more muscular, or better looking than I. Hasn't happened yet.

When I think of Canada I think:
Is it too late to get citizenship? Are all those nice ladies (and gents) really citizens themselves? Screw this, I'm moving north!

What is your vital daily ritual?
Self-doubt, followed by six shots of Tequila and a shower.

How do you spoil yourself?
Same answer, please.

What was your most memorable day job?
I try to forget any job that involves an alarm clock. I think I delivered Chinese food for awhile, though. That was more afternoon/evening stuff. Things I remember, but might be making up: eating a lot of Chinese food, getting shitty tips, and getting seduced by a lot of older women. Yeah, come to think of it, that's all true.

If I wasn't playing music I would be:
Even more of a direction-less loser. Or the guy who claims to be in a band anyway. Or, most probably, both.

What is your greatest fear?
Death, hands down.

If you had a superpower, what would it be?
You mean another one? Hmmm… not one of those invisibility/flying/mind-reading retreads. How about something really spiff like the ability to remove the false tans of those vainglorious blowhards who spend time/money at tanning salons? That way, I'd be able to entertain myself while only having to worry about the most esoteric supervillains getting in my face. Or maybe I could control swarms of bees, bending them to my bidding. Of course, then I'd probably be a supervillain, since swarms of bees lend themselves to delusions of world domination, as we all know.

What makes you want to take it off and get it on?
Breathing, being awake, having my heart beat. The usual.

Music and sex: Is there a difference? Why?
Um, yes. Why? Well, that's how my organs are arranged, Chester.

Strangest brush with celebrity:
When I was on tour as a guitar tech for Orgy, an incredibly strange middle-aged man asked me to dance naked for him at a show in L.A. Turns out, it was Egyptian Lover! Electro hero of my life! Of course, I complied willingly. I think he thought I was a girl at first, though. He wasn't all that tickled when I finally took it all off.

Who would be your ideal dinner guest, living or dead, and what would you serve them?
I'd love to share a meal with the above-mentioned Dorothy Sayers. Since she's dead, I guess I'd have to serve her brains! Brains! Brains! (I bet you never heard that one before, huh? Heh heh.)

What does your mom wish you were doing instead?
Populating our world with babies. Within the holy bounds of matrimony, I mean.