Stealth

Like a bad '80s horror flick or Flava Flav and Brigitte Neilson, Stealth is a guilty pleasure. With a budget of $130 million, Rob Cohen, the dubious auteur behind XXX and The Fast and the Furious, is of the Michael Bay school of directing: more action, more sexiness and more coolness, all at speeds likely to cause seizures. The irony is the incredible amount of ingenuity and resources that went into the stunning CG effort, which is why it's as rich visually as it is bankrupt emotionally. Full of shots that have never been done before, Stealth makes Top Gun look like a documentary on the Wright Brothers. Jamie Foxx isn't the lead, as the marketing suggests, although his freestyle comedy moments are much funnier than anything the hack writers came up with. Josh Lucas and Jessica Biel are the other two pilots, would you believe that they're falling in love? Awful. Lucas's broad grin gets annoying fast; he's the weak link. Jessica Biel plays a stereotypical "strong modern woman" who's bound to break that glass ceiling but can't help making references to her C-cup and frolicking in a bikini. A new unmanned-plane, which is crudely similar to Hal from 2001, becomes evil, downloads a few badass MP3s and starts wreaking havoc. The three human pilots are called to the rescue and a convoluted message about the dangers of trusting machinery is butchered gracelessly. The whopping four hours of extras offer a fascinating look at the immense technical effort behind the film. In the documentary "Harnessing Speed," Cohen's lack of intelligence and flaky demeanour will draw unintended laughs. When he babbles pretentiously for minutes about selling speed, and the cinematic qualities of speed it's clear he's no Orson Welles, but has made a career providing exactly what Hollywood wants. (Sony)