Primeval

"Inspired by the true story of the most prolific serial killer in history” is how the studio advertised this thriller/horror, only to reveal in the trailer that they’re talking about a 25-foot crocodile named Gustave. In fact, on the film’s IMDB.com page one viewer even details how they paid to see the movie not expecting a croc. Regardless, Primeval is a pretty naff film, perhaps even more so because it tries to extend a helping hand and deliver a transparent political message. After a British doctor is turned into chow in South Africa, an American news team is sent to try and locate a legendary giant crocodile that’s feasting constantly on whoever crosses his path. Led by Prison Break’s Dominic Purcell, it’s a pretty paint-by-numbers scenario that tries to point out that the real danger is the restless war zone, and let’s not forget two of the most ridiculous chase sequences in movie history — where did these soldiers learn to shoot? And why can’t such a fast beast track down a smaller and much slower human any faster? There are even more questions raised. For example, who knew a civil war could birth a monster crocodile, or that said civil war’s more frightening than the killer croc? And who knew a film that is essentially nothing but "Anaconda with legs” could actually attempt to carry a political message throughout its entirety with a straight face? A round of applause for trying but Michael Katleman can hardly get a croc movie right and the distraction of the second narrative — one that is also a real life catastrophe — makes Primeval two films in one, which is certainly too much food for its belly. The featurette is heavy with the production crew, who talk about how they made Gustave. Designing a "Frankencroc,” compiled from the features of a bunch of different crocs, the staffers proudly admit the thing was entirely CGI. So basically what we learn is the entire movie was shot in front of a blue screen and that the only danger anybody was in was getting smothered by the inflatable croc they used as a stand in. Yikes! In the end, all Primeval does is make me realise that Anaconda was a hell of a movie. Plus: deleted scenes, commentary.