Night of the Living Dead 3-D

Whether or not you’re a fan of this genre, there’s no denying that George Romero’s original flesh-eating freak fest has been whored around inexorably. The film has spawned sequels, remakes, parodies, parodies of remakes, sequels of its parodies and don’t be surprised if a parody of the remake of its sequel is in the works. So that has to be it, right? There can’t possible be another reason to churn out yet another mind-numbing zombie movie (gulp), right? Director Jeff Broadstreet and company found an exception. Two simple letters: 3-D. Yes, 3-D, that fabulous format that reached its zenith in 1953, and was all but dead by 1955, save for the occasional ’80s desperation sequel. Four sets of 3-D glasses can be found in a plastic bag once the DVD is opened. Putting them on feels like being pecked repeatedly on the cheek by that saggy old aunt of yours — the bridge of you nose will get itchy, images will get blurry and you’ll wonder why you’re doing this to yourself. As for a story, there is no point, dear reader. I’m doing you a favour by sparing the plot because it will make you dumber knowing it. Just know that cut-rate actors get eaten and that crazy old Sid Haig guy from Rob Zombie flicks is in it. The special features? As previously stated it does come with four pairs of 3-D glasses. And, yeah. The only thing that will horrify you about Night of the Living Dead 3-D is the fact that this genre won’t die. It can’t die. So long as the straight-to-DVD market milks whatever profit it can scrounge they’ll keep coming; the they being the zombie flicks, not the zombies themselves. Although, after so much tasteless schlock and headache inducing 3-D visuals, you’ll wonder which is worse to cope with: zombies or movies about them? If only movies had brains to shoot out.