My Bloody Valentine 3D

A tragic mining accident finds worker Harry Warden trapped underground with a group of co-workers. In order to survive, he uses a pickaxe to his advantage/their detriment before falling into a coma. Rescued, he awakens on Valentine's Day and brutally massacres 22 more people before being killed himself. Ten years later, his miner's mask is seen around the edges of town and people are showing up with that familiar hole through their head and heart ripped out. Has Warden returned? That's the basic premise behind My Bloody Valentine 3D, a remake of the 1981 Canadian cult classic that sticks surprisingly close to the original. In terms of subject matter, that is. Otherwise, while the miner's gear is still delightfully creepy, deserving to be held in the same esteem of Jason Voorhees' goalie or Michael Myers' defiled William Shatner masks, that's about as far as this lemon comes to fruition. The stiff acting from kind-of-recognize-them actors is almost as laughable as the 3D effects, which are discarded before they are fully embraced. Honestly, if this is "the best 3D horror film ever made," as the jacket asserts, there's some sad competition. The moments chosen to exploit the medium are abysmal, given that Lussier falls back on the predictable shit pointing or jumping at you during tense moments, à la 1982's Friday The 13th Part III. And, as simple math tells us, that was almost three decades ago — probably the last 3D horror flick at that. Sure, My Bloody Valentine 3D looks great and has a couple of jarring moments, plus the obligatory twist ending, but revisit or not, it's another calculated Hollywood commingling of half-baked and overdone ideas.