Thornspawn Blood of the Holy, Taint Thy Soul

No matter your thoughts on Scandinavian black metal, American black metal will almost make their Nordic cousins sound like a musical interpretation of Stephan Hawking in comparison. The utter evisceration of these two discs begins with the fact that they sound horrible. I don't know if the Yanks were trying to emulate the cold sounds (i.e. the tinny ear-shredding tones and cardboard drums) of Norse metal, but this is closer to the four-track recordings of your 15-year-old brother's garage band. The lack of talent is utterly breathtaking and wholly unbelievable. Listen to some of the monstrosities that Thornspawn try to pass off as solos and that live Usurper track, and try and convince yourself otherwise. It gets much worse, but I think what I've already spewed here is enough to get me a sound beating at the hands of these angry metaloids. (Necropolis)