In theory, it'd be a much nicer world if everyone could just get along. But wouldn't that be so boring? At least on a smaller scale, it's fun to get all popcorn.gif and watch artists get petty, catty and bitchy with one another in a public sphere. Does that make our lives sad? Maybe don't answer that.
Either way, there was plenty of steamy protein getting grilled up in 2014, with beef coming in all shapes and sizes. Some wasn't as fun as others — it'd be chill if people like Eminem would stop threatening women with physical violence, for example — but there was enough idiocy coming from the likes of Mark Kozelek, Billy Corgan and Tom Morello to keep us chuckling throughout the year.
For better or worse, here are the spatula-shaped words that flipped beef in 2014. All quotations herein are, of course, [sic].
Don't forget to head over to our 2014 in Lists section to see more of our Year-End coverage.
Top 10 Beefs of 2014:
10. U2 vs. Tyler, the Creator and other iPhone users:
In the fall, U2 delivered their Songs of Innocence LP via some not-so-innocent means, forcing it down their fans' throats via a gross Apple cross-promotion that saw it appear on everyone's Apple device.
Well intentioned or not, the album's rollout was compared to a computer virus by thousands of people who didn't ever want it on their phones.
Particularly pissed off was loudmouthed Odd Future ringleader Tyler, the Creator, who let off a tirade of angry tweets. "FUCK BONO," he wrote. He also said the album's appearance on his phone was "LEGIT LIKE WAKING UP WITH A PIMPLE OR LIKE A HERPE."
9. The Black Lips vs. Gene Simmons:
Atlanta garage punks the Black Lips have always had plenty of stunts up their sleeves, though often they've involved peeing into each other's mouths and other such unsavoury acts onstage. This year, they took things a step further and ambushed Kiss tongue-wagger Gene Simmons during a live video interview.
Simmons was appearing on HuffPost Live a mere week after expressing sympathy for ousted Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling. In response, the Black Lips video'd into the show. Wearing crude Kiss makeup, they called him out. "Mr. Simmons! We're here to tell you that the day of misogynistic, sexist rock'n'roll is over!" they said. "We call for the complete and utter surrender of the Kiss Army. Lay down your guitars! Do you accept our terms of surrender?"
Simmons attempted to deflate the ambush with insults, saying, "I want to compliment your mom for the wonderful way that she designed the decoration on the basement she lets you live in. I think it's very attractive. I hope you get to leave your mom's basement soon." Sorry Gene, but if there's one thing garage bands don't have a problem with, it's hanging out in basements.
8. Tom Morello vs. a Seattle restaurant:
When he's not penning protest anthems and/or raging against the machine, guitar experimenter and nu-metal icon Tom Morello just wants to eat a damn meal with his friends. Is that so much to ask?
When the 5 Point Cafe in Seattle turned him away because they were at capacity, Morello put them on blast on Twitter, calling them "super rude & anti-worker."
The restaurant was quick to bounce back, pointing out that they "try to pay more than any other small restaurant" and also give employees health insurance, paid sick days, time off, retirement and profit share. Rubbing it in further, they said, "rock stars don't get special treatment at The 5 Point. We couldn't give less of a shit. Sorry."
Fortunately, Morello let the whole thing fizzle out, though we wouldn't have been surprised if he staged a march and/or threw a benefit concert. The things we do on an empty stomach...
7. Drake vs. Macklemore:
Drake talks a tough talk on occasion, but let's be honest — dude's a polite Canadian and, well, a softie at that. And while he's had a few wars of words in the past, Drake's more of a people pleaser than anything else. That said, he didn't dance around Macklemore's goofy Grammy backpedalling earlier this year. The Seattle-based blondie beat out Kendrick Lamar, Drake, Kanye and Jay Z at the Grammys for the guidance counsellor rap of his album The Heist, then Instagrammed a pic of a text message he sent to Kendrick.
Drake called bullshit on the whole stunt, telling Rolling Stone, "It felt cheap. It didn't feel genuine. Why do that? Why feel guilt? You think those guys would pay homage to you if they won?" His insights didn't end there, as he said, "This is how the world works: He made a brand of music that appealed to more people than me, Hov, Kanye and Kendrick. Whether people wanna say it's racial, or whether it's just the fact that he tapped into something we can't tap into. That's just how the cards fall. Own your shit."
6. Thurston Moore vs. Jezebel:
You may recall that former married couple/Sonic Youth bandmates Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon broke up, thereby ending their reign as indie rock's most powerful power couple. When the feminist-friendly website Jezebel detailed the extra-marital affairs Moore had that effectively ended his marriage, he took them to task on Facebook: "Jezebel is gender fascism. By not having any real critical facility to understand, in their case, men in relationship to women (presumably them) they opt to promote hate by imperialist blather. By couching it in feminism is a distinct lack of class, but i'm sure they're having a bit of online fun and when they grow up maybe they'll glean the complexities of real life and love." Nobly standing up for himself or revealing himself as a bit of a mens' rights activist? You decide.
5. Iggy Azalea vs. Snoop Dogg and Eminem:
Speaking of dudes being shitty to women, Iggy Azalea faced some uncalled-for scrutiny from two rap elders. First, there was Snoop Dogg, who compared her to Marlon Wayans' character from White Chicks. When she called him out on Twitter, he kinda freaked out, posting an image of Nicki Minaj on Instagram and calling her a "cunt."
Iggy responded with her own Snoop jokes on Twitter, adding, "its like the guy that asks for your number and then says you ugly and a bitch when you say no..." Best of all, however, she won that one by actually dressing up as Marlon Wayans' White Chicks character for Halloween.
In the lead-up to his Shady XV compilation, Eminem did his share of shitty things (including a tasteless threat to beat Lana Del Rey in his "Shady Cypher"). In the song "Vegas," Em appeared to make reference to raping Iggy Azalea.
The female rapper again took to Twitter to respond to the unprovoked nastiness. "im bored of the old men threatening young women as entertainment trend and much more interested in the young women getting $ trend. zzzz," she wrote, adding, "its especially akward because my 14 year old brother is the biggest eminem fan and now the artist he admired says he wants to rape me. nice!"
4. Arcade Fire vs. deadmau5 and Laura Jane Grace:
Though their Reflektor LP was a product of 2013, dramatic indie group Arcade Fire still managed to ruffle some feathers in 2014. First, they pissed off loud-mouthed EDM dude deadmau5 by throwing shade at Coachella. The group gave props to "all the bands playing instruments this weekend" on one weekend of the California fest, then goofed around with some Daft Punk impersonators the next.
It doesn't take much to send deadmau5 into an online rant, and this certainly worked on him. "A computer is a tool, not an instrument," he tweeted, adding, "if i wanna watch real artists perform, id pick the opera before wasting a fucking minute of my life with arcade fire."
Arguing about taste is one thing, but the group were criticized by Against Me!'s Laura Jane Grace for their "We Exist" video soon after. The group hired heterosexual British actor Andrew Garfield (aka the guy from the most recent, failed Spider-Man reboot) to play a trans person, asking the band why they didn't hire a trans actor instead of Spider-Man. Hard to argue with that, though the group were quick to defend themselves.
3. Ariel Pink vs. Grimes:
Pop weirdo Ariel Pink acted like, well, the wrong kind of weirdo in the lead-up to releasing his new album, pom pom. The artist revealed that he was writing songs for Madonna, and suggested that he was going to save her career from the perceived downward trajectory its been on.
"She can't just have her Avicii, her producers or whatever, come up with a new techno jam for her to gyrate to and pretend that she's twenty years old," he told Faster Louder. "They actually need songs. I'm partly responsible for that return-to-values thing."
While Madonna's camp denied that Ariel Pink would be allowed anywhere near her new album, the artist's comments were still enough to prompt a response from Grimes, who tweeted, "Ariel pinks delusional misogyny is emblematic of the kind of bullshit everyone woman in this industry faces daily."
Pink responded by saying Grimes was "completely stupid and retarded to believe any of it," adding, "I'm not a misogynist. Maybe she's angry that I'm the male version of her, who was at 4AD before her."
2. Eurythmics' Annie Lennox vs. Beyoncé:
Everyone knows that coming up against pop goddess Beyoncé runs you the risk of being swarmed to death by her vicious fandom the Beyhive. Still, Eurythmics frontwoman Annie Lennox had the courage (or audacity, depending on who you ask) to voice some concerns about Mrs. Carter after her performance at the MTV Video Music Awards.
Bey blasted the word "FEMINIST" in all caps onstage, which spurred Lennox to tell Pride Source that she wasn't so keen on Beyoncé's idea of feminism. "I would call that 'feminist lite.' L-I-T-E," she said, adding, "I see a lot of it as them taking the word hostage and using it to promote themselves, but I don't think they necessarily represent wholeheartedly the depths of feminism — no, I don't. I think for many it's very convenient and it looks great and it looks radical, but I have some issues with it."
Beyoncé didn't respond to the claims, though all reports indicated that the next day, she woke up like this (flawless).
1. Mark Kozelek vs. the War on Drugs and Meredith Graves:
Sun Kil Moon dude Mark Kozelek got particularly salty at an Ottawa music festival when he could hear the War on Drugs' moderately loud rock while playing his incredibly hushed folk songs onstage. Kozelek launched into a huge rant.
Kozelek kept the beef going and, inspired by the reaction he got, turned it into a song called "War on Drugs: Suck My Cock," a song with such hokey and topical lyrics that it sounded like a sadder, less humorous Flight of the Conchords jam.
The War on Drugs responded to Kozelek's idea of being his backing band when he performed in San Francisco, but Kozelek changed his mind and backed down from the offer. As the band's Adam Granduciel told Swedish blog Songs for Whoever, "He's such a fucking child. And then the song is just idiotic, he's just a fucking idiot. I don't have time for idiots."
Perfect Pussy frontwoman Meredith Graves opted to enter the arena in response to Kozelek's track, penning a Pitchfork op-ed called "Sun Kil Moon Yells at Cloud: 'War on Drugs: Suck My Cock' and the Language of Male Violence." Here's a particularly potent excerpt where she sticks it to the man:
In no way does Mark Kozelek actually want his cock sucked by the members of the War on Drugs. What he wants is to make them feel violated, to make them feel submissive. "Suck my cock" is an order, not a request. "Suck my cock" is, when used by the wrong person, the language of physical force, the language of rape. He wants the world to know that he thinks TWOD sucks cock, implying that sucking cock is a bad thing. Who sucks cock? Not straight dudes like Mark Kozelek, but women and gay men. Which one of these groups is he using as an insult?
Kozelek has yet to respond, though it's unlikely that he'll stop writing these bitter comedy folk songs any time soon — in April, he's releasing a Sun Kil Moon 10-inch with a song called "Cry Me a River Williamsburg Sleeve Tattoo Blues" on it.
To see more of our Year-End coverage, head over to our 2014 in Lists section.
Either way, there was plenty of steamy protein getting grilled up in 2014, with beef coming in all shapes and sizes. Some wasn't as fun as others — it'd be chill if people like Eminem would stop threatening women with physical violence, for example — but there was enough idiocy coming from the likes of Mark Kozelek, Billy Corgan and Tom Morello to keep us chuckling throughout the year.
For better or worse, here are the spatula-shaped words that flipped beef in 2014. All quotations herein are, of course, [sic].
Don't forget to head over to our 2014 in Lists section to see more of our Year-End coverage.
Top 10 Beefs of 2014:
10. U2 vs. Tyler, the Creator and other iPhone users:
In the fall, U2 delivered their Songs of Innocence LP via some not-so-innocent means, forcing it down their fans' throats via a gross Apple cross-promotion that saw it appear on everyone's Apple device.
Well intentioned or not, the album's rollout was compared to a computer virus by thousands of people who didn't ever want it on their phones.
Particularly pissed off was loudmouthed Odd Future ringleader Tyler, the Creator, who let off a tirade of angry tweets. "FUCK BONO," he wrote. He also said the album's appearance on his phone was "LEGIT LIKE WAKING UP WITH A PIMPLE OR LIKE A HERPE."
9. The Black Lips vs. Gene Simmons:
Atlanta garage punks the Black Lips have always had plenty of stunts up their sleeves, though often they've involved peeing into each other's mouths and other such unsavoury acts onstage. This year, they took things a step further and ambushed Kiss tongue-wagger Gene Simmons during a live video interview.
Simmons was appearing on HuffPost Live a mere week after expressing sympathy for ousted Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling. In response, the Black Lips video'd into the show. Wearing crude Kiss makeup, they called him out. "Mr. Simmons! We're here to tell you that the day of misogynistic, sexist rock'n'roll is over!" they said. "We call for the complete and utter surrender of the Kiss Army. Lay down your guitars! Do you accept our terms of surrender?"
Simmons attempted to deflate the ambush with insults, saying, "I want to compliment your mom for the wonderful way that she designed the decoration on the basement she lets you live in. I think it's very attractive. I hope you get to leave your mom's basement soon." Sorry Gene, but if there's one thing garage bands don't have a problem with, it's hanging out in basements.
8. Tom Morello vs. a Seattle restaurant:
When he's not penning protest anthems and/or raging against the machine, guitar experimenter and nu-metal icon Tom Morello just wants to eat a damn meal with his friends. Is that so much to ask?
When the 5 Point Cafe in Seattle turned him away because they were at capacity, Morello put them on blast on Twitter, calling them "super rude & anti-worker."
The restaurant was quick to bounce back, pointing out that they "try to pay more than any other small restaurant" and also give employees health insurance, paid sick days, time off, retirement and profit share. Rubbing it in further, they said, "rock stars don't get special treatment at The 5 Point. We couldn't give less of a shit. Sorry."
Fortunately, Morello let the whole thing fizzle out, though we wouldn't have been surprised if he staged a march and/or threw a benefit concert. The things we do on an empty stomach...
7. Drake vs. Macklemore:
Drake talks a tough talk on occasion, but let's be honest — dude's a polite Canadian and, well, a softie at that. And while he's had a few wars of words in the past, Drake's more of a people pleaser than anything else. That said, he didn't dance around Macklemore's goofy Grammy backpedalling earlier this year. The Seattle-based blondie beat out Kendrick Lamar, Drake, Kanye and Jay Z at the Grammys for the guidance counsellor rap of his album The Heist, then Instagrammed a pic of a text message he sent to Kendrick.
Drake called bullshit on the whole stunt, telling Rolling Stone, "It felt cheap. It didn't feel genuine. Why do that? Why feel guilt? You think those guys would pay homage to you if they won?" His insights didn't end there, as he said, "This is how the world works: He made a brand of music that appealed to more people than me, Hov, Kanye and Kendrick. Whether people wanna say it's racial, or whether it's just the fact that he tapped into something we can't tap into. That's just how the cards fall. Own your shit."
6. Thurston Moore vs. Jezebel:
You may recall that former married couple/Sonic Youth bandmates Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon broke up, thereby ending their reign as indie rock's most powerful power couple. When the feminist-friendly website Jezebel detailed the extra-marital affairs Moore had that effectively ended his marriage, he took them to task on Facebook: "Jezebel is gender fascism. By not having any real critical facility to understand, in their case, men in relationship to women (presumably them) they opt to promote hate by imperialist blather. By couching it in feminism is a distinct lack of class, but i'm sure they're having a bit of online fun and when they grow up maybe they'll glean the complexities of real life and love." Nobly standing up for himself or revealing himself as a bit of a mens' rights activist? You decide.
5. Iggy Azalea vs. Snoop Dogg and Eminem:
Speaking of dudes being shitty to women, Iggy Azalea faced some uncalled-for scrutiny from two rap elders. First, there was Snoop Dogg, who compared her to Marlon Wayans' character from White Chicks. When she called him out on Twitter, he kinda freaked out, posting an image of Nicki Minaj on Instagram and calling her a "cunt."
Iggy responded with her own Snoop jokes on Twitter, adding, "its like the guy that asks for your number and then says you ugly and a bitch when you say no..." Best of all, however, she won that one by actually dressing up as Marlon Wayans' White Chicks character for Halloween.
In the lead-up to his Shady XV compilation, Eminem did his share of shitty things (including a tasteless threat to beat Lana Del Rey in his "Shady Cypher"). In the song "Vegas," Em appeared to make reference to raping Iggy Azalea.
The female rapper again took to Twitter to respond to the unprovoked nastiness. "im bored of the old men threatening young women as entertainment trend and much more interested in the young women getting $ trend. zzzz," she wrote, adding, "its especially akward because my 14 year old brother is the biggest eminem fan and now the artist he admired says he wants to rape me. nice!"
4. Arcade Fire vs. deadmau5 and Laura Jane Grace:
Though their Reflektor LP was a product of 2013, dramatic indie group Arcade Fire still managed to ruffle some feathers in 2014. First, they pissed off loud-mouthed EDM dude deadmau5 by throwing shade at Coachella. The group gave props to "all the bands playing instruments this weekend" on one weekend of the California fest, then goofed around with some Daft Punk impersonators the next.
It doesn't take much to send deadmau5 into an online rant, and this certainly worked on him. "A computer is a tool, not an instrument," he tweeted, adding, "if i wanna watch real artists perform, id pick the opera before wasting a fucking minute of my life with arcade fire."
Arguing about taste is one thing, but the group were criticized by Against Me!'s Laura Jane Grace for their "We Exist" video soon after. The group hired heterosexual British actor Andrew Garfield (aka the guy from the most recent, failed Spider-Man reboot) to play a trans person, asking the band why they didn't hire a trans actor instead of Spider-Man. Hard to argue with that, though the group were quick to defend themselves.
3. Ariel Pink vs. Grimes:
Pop weirdo Ariel Pink acted like, well, the wrong kind of weirdo in the lead-up to releasing his new album, pom pom. The artist revealed that he was writing songs for Madonna, and suggested that he was going to save her career from the perceived downward trajectory its been on.
"She can't just have her Avicii, her producers or whatever, come up with a new techno jam for her to gyrate to and pretend that she's twenty years old," he told Faster Louder. "They actually need songs. I'm partly responsible for that return-to-values thing."
While Madonna's camp denied that Ariel Pink would be allowed anywhere near her new album, the artist's comments were still enough to prompt a response from Grimes, who tweeted, "Ariel pinks delusional misogyny is emblematic of the kind of bullshit everyone woman in this industry faces daily."
Pink responded by saying Grimes was "completely stupid and retarded to believe any of it," adding, "I'm not a misogynist. Maybe she's angry that I'm the male version of her, who was at 4AD before her."
2. Eurythmics' Annie Lennox vs. Beyoncé:
Everyone knows that coming up against pop goddess Beyoncé runs you the risk of being swarmed to death by her vicious fandom the Beyhive. Still, Eurythmics frontwoman Annie Lennox had the courage (or audacity, depending on who you ask) to voice some concerns about Mrs. Carter after her performance at the MTV Video Music Awards.
Bey blasted the word "FEMINIST" in all caps onstage, which spurred Lennox to tell Pride Source that she wasn't so keen on Beyoncé's idea of feminism. "I would call that 'feminist lite.' L-I-T-E," she said, adding, "I see a lot of it as them taking the word hostage and using it to promote themselves, but I don't think they necessarily represent wholeheartedly the depths of feminism — no, I don't. I think for many it's very convenient and it looks great and it looks radical, but I have some issues with it."
Beyoncé didn't respond to the claims, though all reports indicated that the next day, she woke up like this (flawless).
1. Mark Kozelek vs. the War on Drugs and Meredith Graves:
Sun Kil Moon dude Mark Kozelek got particularly salty at an Ottawa music festival when he could hear the War on Drugs' moderately loud rock while playing his incredibly hushed folk songs onstage. Kozelek launched into a huge rant.
Kozelek kept the beef going and, inspired by the reaction he got, turned it into a song called "War on Drugs: Suck My Cock," a song with such hokey and topical lyrics that it sounded like a sadder, less humorous Flight of the Conchords jam.
The War on Drugs responded to Kozelek's idea of being his backing band when he performed in San Francisco, but Kozelek changed his mind and backed down from the offer. As the band's Adam Granduciel told Swedish blog Songs for Whoever, "He's such a fucking child. And then the song is just idiotic, he's just a fucking idiot. I don't have time for idiots."
Perfect Pussy frontwoman Meredith Graves opted to enter the arena in response to Kozelek's track, penning a Pitchfork op-ed called "Sun Kil Moon Yells at Cloud: 'War on Drugs: Suck My Cock' and the Language of Male Violence." Here's a particularly potent excerpt where she sticks it to the man:
In no way does Mark Kozelek actually want his cock sucked by the members of the War on Drugs. What he wants is to make them feel violated, to make them feel submissive. "Suck my cock" is an order, not a request. "Suck my cock" is, when used by the wrong person, the language of physical force, the language of rape. He wants the world to know that he thinks TWOD sucks cock, implying that sucking cock is a bad thing. Who sucks cock? Not straight dudes like Mark Kozelek, but women and gay men. Which one of these groups is he using as an insult?
Kozelek has yet to respond, though it's unlikely that he'll stop writing these bitter comedy folk songs any time soon — in April, he's releasing a Sun Kil Moon 10-inch with a song called "Cry Me a River Williamsburg Sleeve Tattoo Blues" on it.
To see more of our Year-End coverage, head over to our 2014 in Lists section.