For many people, Christmas is a time of year that brings many feelings of horror. Come December, shopping malls become a life-threatening environment akin to the one in Dawn of the Dead, where ordinary consumers transform into flesh-thirsty monsters that ravage everything in order to get what they want (i.e., Hatchimals).
Neighbourhoods transform with garish lighting displays, blow-up characters from the movie Trolls and any combination of hellish decorations acquired from the local Home Depot. Children transform into toy-hungry, sullen demon beasts. And then, of course, there is the never-ending supply of "ugly" and "ironic" Christmas sweaters, which have really just become an inadvertent way of making Drake super uncool. Everywhere you turn is a reminder that you cannot escape the clutches of Santa Claus and his commercial stranglehold on the season.
One way to fight all of the Christmas horror is to kick back and watch some homicidal maniac spoil the holiday by slaughtering everyone with an axe. For horror fans, it's the most wonderful time of the year. In amongst all of the low-budget, harebrained turkeys, there is a decent selection of Christmas horror flicks to soothe you after the hours of visiting loved ones.
And while there is no end to all of the shitty Christmas-affiliated horror schlock out there, here is a spot-on guide to viewing horror flicks this holiday season. And most importantly, remember: there is only one good film titled Krampus.
12 Days of Christmas Horror Flicks:
Day 1: Jack Frost (1997)
Tagline: He's chillin' and killin'.
Notable celebrity appearance: Shannon Elizabeth
You can only imagine the number of times parents have believed they were putting on the Michael Keaton comedy of the same name, only to watch the scene where a man melts and then proceeds to genetically mutate with some snow and turn away in disgust. But this Jack Frost is the original, predating the family comedy by one whole year.
The premise is simple: convicted serial killer is about to be executed, is saved by an accident, but then becomes "the world's most pissed off snow cone" after he's struck by liquid from a truck carrying specialized genetic materials. He then seeks revenge on the cop who put him away, snuffing out everyone in his way using a variety of creative methods (i.e., shooting icicles from his hands). The writers room clearly spent all their time cooking up one-liners instead of any real plot, but that shouldn't be much of a surprise.
Day 2: Santa's Slay (2005)
Tagline: He's making a list... pray you're not on it.
Notable celebrity appearances: Fran Drescher, James Caan, Robert Culp, Chris Kattan, Dave Thomas, Saul Rubinek, Emilie de Ravin
Whoever said professional wrestlers can't act were right. In the case of Santa's Slay, it's ripped baldie Bill Goldberg. But the colourfully aggressive one-liners the screenwriter fed him hardly called for a Shakesperean-trained veteran of the stage. Nope, Goldberg is perfect as Santa Claus, the evil demon who for 1,000 years was forced to bring the Day of Joy to children after losing a bet to an angel in a curling match.
Basically, this film is simply a vehicle for a musclehead to exude his brawn and put a murderous, merciless and child-hating spin on a beloved character such as Saint Nick. Again, it's chock full of one-liners, relentlessly so, but coming from every single character, it's a device that helps the script achieve its comedic effect. And yes, it's actually quite funny, especially the opening scene, which must have cost half the film's budget to stage.
Day 3: Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)
Tagline: You thought you didn't believe in Santa Claus anymore...
Notable celebrity appearance: None whatsoever
One popular theme in these films is portraying Santa Claus as a force far unlike the rosy-cheeked plumpo that we see at the mall. This Finnish-Norwegian-Swedish-French production plays with the Santa folklore and imagines a scenario of capturing Kris Kringle up at the North Pole (a.k.a. Finland) and selling him for profit. Of course, it's not that simple, and about a thousand or so things hinder the plan.
Rare Exports isn't a straight horror flick. It's also part fantasy, thriller and black comedy, but it's pretty dark in places and puts a real old-school twist on the man we assume exists just to bring children toys one night every year.
Day 4: Krampus (2015)
Tagline: You don't want to be on his list.
Notable celebrity appearances: Adam Scott, Toni Collette, David Koechner, Allison Tolman
Krampus, of course, is not Santa Claus, but his horned and hoofed nemesis that goes around punishing the kids on the naughty list. As IMDb points out, there are quite a few films about the character too, so don't be fooled: the 2015 feature with Adam Scott and Toni Collette is the shit. That should come as no surprise to anyone who's seen director Michael Dougherty's previous film, 2007's enjoyable Trick 'r Treat.
It's family, not Krampus per se, that proves to be the biggest threat in the film. When a dysfunctional one gathers on Christmas Eve, one kid is so distressed that he tears up his letter to Santa. This in turn summons the evil demon and its horde of evildoing monsters, which appear in the guise of everything from gingerbread people to a jack-in-the-box. There is no mercy for the children, which is a nice touch, and just as the ending seems like it's copping out, a nice twist comes in to end on a nice cliffhanger.
Day 5: Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
Tagline: You've made it through Halloween, now try and survive Christmas.
Notable celebrity appearances: None whatsoever
Referring to the socially inept Billy Chapman, a running question throughout this popular slasher film is "What the hell's wrong with that kid?" Well, for one thing, Santa Claus murdered his parents on the side of the road, right in front of his five-year-old eyes. And so Billy grows up in a nun-led orphanage deathly afraid of Santa until he turns 18 and decides to face his fear by running amok in a Santa suit.
Like many slashers from this period, Silent Night, Deadly Night is a pretty straightforward "mentally unstable young man who suffered a traumatic experience as a child kills everyone" deal. The kicker is that it all goes down on Christmas and the killer looks ridiculous in his costume as he yells out "PUNISH!!!" and "NAUGHTY!!!" at his victims. It's a little overrated, but that scene with the deer antlers will stay with you forever, that's a guarantee.
Day 6: Christmas Evil (1980)
Tagline: Who's been naughty?
Notable celebrity appearances: Jeffrey DeMunn, Brandon Maggart (a.k.a. Fiona Apple's dad), Patricia Richardson
Another slasher with another mentally unstable man on the kill thanks to another traumatic experience with Santa as a child. But Christmas Evil, which came four years before Silent Night, Deadly Night, is a completely different kind of film. Over the years it has developed a cult following, thanks to a re-release by Troma and a DVD commentary by super fan John Waters.
It's pretty easy to see why this has become such a genre favourite. From the opening scene, where as a young boy main character Harry witnesses his mother do some dirty deeds with Santa (his father in disguise), it only gets weirder and creepier. That moment rightfully fucks Harry up; flash forward 33 years and Harry dons a Santa suit to begin offing those who wrong do him. With such hammy kill scenes, a disorienting score and truly zany ending, Christmas Evil deserves its place as a holiday cult classic.
Day 7: Tales from the Crypt: "And All Through the House" (1989)
Tagline: Be very careful what you axe for, for Christmas.
Notable celebrity appearances: Larry Drake, Mary Ellen Trainor, John Kassir, Marshall Bell
Okay, one more maniac in a Santa suit. Taken from the show's first season, this is actually a remake of a chapter with the same name from the 1972 film, Tales from the Crypt. Even though the original stars Joan Collins, skip it — it doesn't hold a candle to this version, which was directed by Robert Zemeckis (Back to the Future, Forrest Gump) and stars Trainor (the shrink from Lethal Weapon) as a devious woman who murders her asshole of a husband played by Bell (Kuato from Total Recall) on Christmas Eve to join her lover. Of course, they have a young daughter upstairs waiting for Santa, who eventually arrives as an armed and dangerous, homicidal escapee (a brilliant Drake, the baddie from Darkman and Dr. Giggles) from the local mental asylum.
What unfolds is a tense game of cat and mouse, underpinned by the fact that this woman has just committed a crime and is hesitant to call the police. It's a little surprising that this tale was never fleshed out and turned into a feature, but sadly Drake passed away earlier this year.
Day 8: The Children (2008)
Tagline: You brought them into this world. Now… they will take you out.
Notable celebrity appearances: None on this side of the pond
There is nothing scarier in a horror flick than when children become the killers. Think Village of the Damned. Think Children of the Corn before it turns to supernatural bullshit. Think The Brood. Think The Omen. Well, The Children is perhaps the creepiest of the bunch simply because the violence all seems so accidental at first.
As a family converges for Christmas, these supposedly innocent, young children, one by one, begin to show signs of illness. But as the kiddies become physically sicker, so do their minds, and they soon turn into evil little shits hellbent on offing the grown-ups. Unlike most of these films, the violence is subtle yet tense, the gore is minimal yet effective and an unsettling feeling will hit you forevermore whenever you hear a child cough.
Day 9: Cuento de navidad (2005)
Tagline: N/A
Notable celebrity appearances: Ivana Baquero
Here is more proof that you shouldn't mess with kids. Cuento de navidad or The Christmas Tale, revolves around a gang of preteens somewhere in Spain who discover a woman's body in a hole dressed in a Santa suit. They soon discover that the woman is injured but alive, and also a fugitive carrying millions on her. Knowing this, the kids then try to extort the money from her in a blackmail scheme. But nothing goes according to plan.
Cuento de navidad wasn't theatrical but a made-for-TV entry for a Spanish horror series, which is surprising since it's better than most theatrical horrors released in the last decade (Lions Gate released it here as part of its 6 Films to Keep You Awake collection). Chalk that up to director Paco Plaza, who would go on to bigger things creating the very popular REC franchise. Some comparisons have been made to The Goonies, but it's hard to not believe that the Duffer Brothers came across this little import before writing Stranger Things. The '80s referencing, from the walkie talkies and BMX bikes, to the kids' obsession with films of the moment (Karate Kid plays a huge role, especially at the end) feels like a big influence. Also worth noting, the one and only female adolescent is played by actress Ivana Baquero, who would go on to star in the lead role of Pan's Labyrinth.
Day 10: Elves (1989)
Tagline: They don't work for Santa anymore!
Notable celebrity appearances: Dan Haggerty, Deanna Lund
If Troll 2 ever had a soulmate, it's this film. Instead of telling you any more about it, let these select quotes from the movie do the talking:
"Virgin? Ew!"
"When there is no more room in hell, the elves will walk the earth."
"It was a fucking little ninja troll!"
"The Nazis experimented with elves as assassination teams."
"The elf mates with the virgin on Christmas Eve to produce the master race. And it will eventually rule the world."
"Gramps is a Nazi!"
"Your grandfather is your grandfather AND your father!"
"I will pay the price for what I have done. I impregnated my own daughter to produce an offspring that would be suitable to the elf."
"The Fourth Reich?"
"Shh… It's snowing."
Day 11: Gremlins (1984)
Tagline: They didn't obey the rules.
Notable celebrity appearances: Hoyt Axton, Phoebe Cates, Howie Mandel's voice, Corey Feldman, Judge Reinhold, Jonathan Banks, Steven Spielberg
While it's sometimes hard to consider Gremlins a horror film — maybe because of the Spielberg production cred — when compared to other mini-monster flicks like Critters and Munchies, it can be. However, there is no denying it is definitely a Christmas film, and one of the best out there. You know the plot: man buys son exotic pet that can't be fed after midnight, can't get wet and can't be exposed to sunlight. Son fucks up and does all of that, pet spawns nasty gremlins, gremlins grow into ravenous hellraisers and basically destroy an entire town.
Worth noting: Gremlins is not exactly a kids movie. So wait until your child is at least partially desensitized to violence, adult language and bad behaviour before you unleash this classic on their young and innocent eyeballs.
Day 12: Black Christmas (1974)
Tagline: If this movie doesn't make your skin crawl... It's on TOO TIGHT.
Notable celebrity appearances: Margot Kidder, Olivia Hussey, Andrea Martin, Keir Dullea, John Saxon, Art Hindle, Nick Mancuso
Save the best for Christmas Day. And not only is Black Christmas the best, it's also the archetype for all Christmas horror flicks and widely considered to be the prototype for the slasher genre. Allegedly based on the "Babysitter" urban legend, writer A. Roy Moore and director Bob Clark (Porky's, A Christmas Story) flipped it to the setting of a sorority house Christmas party. Black Christmas laid the groundwork for so many horrors after it, but the reason why it's still so compelling 40 years on is because of the endless ambiguity that surges throughout the film. Who is the killer? What does he want? Where is he? It's a complete mystery up until the spine-tingling climax — and even afterwards it leaves you in a blur of dread and bewilderment.
And pardon the Canadian pride, but the fact that Black Christmas was said to also be based on a crime that occurred in Quebec, shot in Toronto and features a cast of homegrown future stars like Margot Kidder, Art Hindle and Andrea Martin, makes it that more special.
Oh, and if you have absolutely nothing else to watch — like, absolutely nothing — give the 2006 remake a try. It is an atrocious bastardization of the original, stripping all of the suspense and threat in order to tell a piss-poor backstory. That said, it might be the most preposterous remake ever, slightly ahead of Nicolas Cage's The Wicker Man.
New Year's Day Bonus: Terror Train (1980)
Tagline: Don't waste money on a return fare. You won't be coming back!
Notable celebrity appearances: Jamie Lee Curtis, Ben Johnson, Vanity, Hart Bochner, David "Fucking" Copperfield
In case you're home alone on New Year's Eve, consider this a bonus. Directed by Roger Spottiswoode, the man who gave us Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot and Turner & Hooch, Terror Train is another Canadian cult classic. Riffing on that ever-popular "kid is tormented and then comes back for revenge" theme, this one uses a claustrophobic and controlled setting of a locomotive (an actual CP train) to allow the Groucho-masked predator to conduct business.
In 1980, Jamie Lee Curtis was the most popular actor in horror, and so having the original Scream Queen aboard (get it?) was integral. Terror Train isn't the strongest in Curtis's oeuvre — Halloween, The Fog and Prom Night all pre-date it — and recycles a lot of the horror tropes even at the time, but it's still a fun, seasonal whodunit that sure beats watching this fucking thing.
Neighbourhoods transform with garish lighting displays, blow-up characters from the movie Trolls and any combination of hellish decorations acquired from the local Home Depot. Children transform into toy-hungry, sullen demon beasts. And then, of course, there is the never-ending supply of "ugly" and "ironic" Christmas sweaters, which have really just become an inadvertent way of making Drake super uncool. Everywhere you turn is a reminder that you cannot escape the clutches of Santa Claus and his commercial stranglehold on the season.
One way to fight all of the Christmas horror is to kick back and watch some homicidal maniac spoil the holiday by slaughtering everyone with an axe. For horror fans, it's the most wonderful time of the year. In amongst all of the low-budget, harebrained turkeys, there is a decent selection of Christmas horror flicks to soothe you after the hours of visiting loved ones.
And while there is no end to all of the shitty Christmas-affiliated horror schlock out there, here is a spot-on guide to viewing horror flicks this holiday season. And most importantly, remember: there is only one good film titled Krampus.
12 Days of Christmas Horror Flicks:
Day 1: Jack Frost (1997)
Tagline: He's chillin' and killin'.
Notable celebrity appearance: Shannon Elizabeth
You can only imagine the number of times parents have believed they were putting on the Michael Keaton comedy of the same name, only to watch the scene where a man melts and then proceeds to genetically mutate with some snow and turn away in disgust. But this Jack Frost is the original, predating the family comedy by one whole year.
The premise is simple: convicted serial killer is about to be executed, is saved by an accident, but then becomes "the world's most pissed off snow cone" after he's struck by liquid from a truck carrying specialized genetic materials. He then seeks revenge on the cop who put him away, snuffing out everyone in his way using a variety of creative methods (i.e., shooting icicles from his hands). The writers room clearly spent all their time cooking up one-liners instead of any real plot, but that shouldn't be much of a surprise.
Day 2: Santa's Slay (2005)
Tagline: He's making a list... pray you're not on it.
Notable celebrity appearances: Fran Drescher, James Caan, Robert Culp, Chris Kattan, Dave Thomas, Saul Rubinek, Emilie de Ravin
Whoever said professional wrestlers can't act were right. In the case of Santa's Slay, it's ripped baldie Bill Goldberg. But the colourfully aggressive one-liners the screenwriter fed him hardly called for a Shakesperean-trained veteran of the stage. Nope, Goldberg is perfect as Santa Claus, the evil demon who for 1,000 years was forced to bring the Day of Joy to children after losing a bet to an angel in a curling match.
Basically, this film is simply a vehicle for a musclehead to exude his brawn and put a murderous, merciless and child-hating spin on a beloved character such as Saint Nick. Again, it's chock full of one-liners, relentlessly so, but coming from every single character, it's a device that helps the script achieve its comedic effect. And yes, it's actually quite funny, especially the opening scene, which must have cost half the film's budget to stage.
Day 3: Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)
Tagline: You thought you didn't believe in Santa Claus anymore...
Notable celebrity appearance: None whatsoever
One popular theme in these films is portraying Santa Claus as a force far unlike the rosy-cheeked plumpo that we see at the mall. This Finnish-Norwegian-Swedish-French production plays with the Santa folklore and imagines a scenario of capturing Kris Kringle up at the North Pole (a.k.a. Finland) and selling him for profit. Of course, it's not that simple, and about a thousand or so things hinder the plan.
Rare Exports isn't a straight horror flick. It's also part fantasy, thriller and black comedy, but it's pretty dark in places and puts a real old-school twist on the man we assume exists just to bring children toys one night every year.
Day 4: Krampus (2015)
Tagline: You don't want to be on his list.
Notable celebrity appearances: Adam Scott, Toni Collette, David Koechner, Allison Tolman
Krampus, of course, is not Santa Claus, but his horned and hoofed nemesis that goes around punishing the kids on the naughty list. As IMDb points out, there are quite a few films about the character too, so don't be fooled: the 2015 feature with Adam Scott and Toni Collette is the shit. That should come as no surprise to anyone who's seen director Michael Dougherty's previous film, 2007's enjoyable Trick 'r Treat.
It's family, not Krampus per se, that proves to be the biggest threat in the film. When a dysfunctional one gathers on Christmas Eve, one kid is so distressed that he tears up his letter to Santa. This in turn summons the evil demon and its horde of evildoing monsters, which appear in the guise of everything from gingerbread people to a jack-in-the-box. There is no mercy for the children, which is a nice touch, and just as the ending seems like it's copping out, a nice twist comes in to end on a nice cliffhanger.
Day 5: Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
Tagline: You've made it through Halloween, now try and survive Christmas.
Notable celebrity appearances: None whatsoever
Referring to the socially inept Billy Chapman, a running question throughout this popular slasher film is "What the hell's wrong with that kid?" Well, for one thing, Santa Claus murdered his parents on the side of the road, right in front of his five-year-old eyes. And so Billy grows up in a nun-led orphanage deathly afraid of Santa until he turns 18 and decides to face his fear by running amok in a Santa suit.
Like many slashers from this period, Silent Night, Deadly Night is a pretty straightforward "mentally unstable young man who suffered a traumatic experience as a child kills everyone" deal. The kicker is that it all goes down on Christmas and the killer looks ridiculous in his costume as he yells out "PUNISH!!!" and "NAUGHTY!!!" at his victims. It's a little overrated, but that scene with the deer antlers will stay with you forever, that's a guarantee.
Day 6: Christmas Evil (1980)
Tagline: Who's been naughty?
Notable celebrity appearances: Jeffrey DeMunn, Brandon Maggart (a.k.a. Fiona Apple's dad), Patricia Richardson
Another slasher with another mentally unstable man on the kill thanks to another traumatic experience with Santa as a child. But Christmas Evil, which came four years before Silent Night, Deadly Night, is a completely different kind of film. Over the years it has developed a cult following, thanks to a re-release by Troma and a DVD commentary by super fan John Waters.
It's pretty easy to see why this has become such a genre favourite. From the opening scene, where as a young boy main character Harry witnesses his mother do some dirty deeds with Santa (his father in disguise), it only gets weirder and creepier. That moment rightfully fucks Harry up; flash forward 33 years and Harry dons a Santa suit to begin offing those who wrong do him. With such hammy kill scenes, a disorienting score and truly zany ending, Christmas Evil deserves its place as a holiday cult classic.
Day 7: Tales from the Crypt: "And All Through the House" (1989)
Tagline: Be very careful what you axe for, for Christmas.
Notable celebrity appearances: Larry Drake, Mary Ellen Trainor, John Kassir, Marshall Bell
Okay, one more maniac in a Santa suit. Taken from the show's first season, this is actually a remake of a chapter with the same name from the 1972 film, Tales from the Crypt. Even though the original stars Joan Collins, skip it — it doesn't hold a candle to this version, which was directed by Robert Zemeckis (Back to the Future, Forrest Gump) and stars Trainor (the shrink from Lethal Weapon) as a devious woman who murders her asshole of a husband played by Bell (Kuato from Total Recall) on Christmas Eve to join her lover. Of course, they have a young daughter upstairs waiting for Santa, who eventually arrives as an armed and dangerous, homicidal escapee (a brilliant Drake, the baddie from Darkman and Dr. Giggles) from the local mental asylum.
What unfolds is a tense game of cat and mouse, underpinned by the fact that this woman has just committed a crime and is hesitant to call the police. It's a little surprising that this tale was never fleshed out and turned into a feature, but sadly Drake passed away earlier this year.
Day 8: The Children (2008)
Tagline: You brought them into this world. Now… they will take you out.
Notable celebrity appearances: None on this side of the pond
There is nothing scarier in a horror flick than when children become the killers. Think Village of the Damned. Think Children of the Corn before it turns to supernatural bullshit. Think The Brood. Think The Omen. Well, The Children is perhaps the creepiest of the bunch simply because the violence all seems so accidental at first.
As a family converges for Christmas, these supposedly innocent, young children, one by one, begin to show signs of illness. But as the kiddies become physically sicker, so do their minds, and they soon turn into evil little shits hellbent on offing the grown-ups. Unlike most of these films, the violence is subtle yet tense, the gore is minimal yet effective and an unsettling feeling will hit you forevermore whenever you hear a child cough.
Day 9: Cuento de navidad (2005)
Tagline: N/A
Notable celebrity appearances: Ivana Baquero
Here is more proof that you shouldn't mess with kids. Cuento de navidad or The Christmas Tale, revolves around a gang of preteens somewhere in Spain who discover a woman's body in a hole dressed in a Santa suit. They soon discover that the woman is injured but alive, and also a fugitive carrying millions on her. Knowing this, the kids then try to extort the money from her in a blackmail scheme. But nothing goes according to plan.
Cuento de navidad wasn't theatrical but a made-for-TV entry for a Spanish horror series, which is surprising since it's better than most theatrical horrors released in the last decade (Lions Gate released it here as part of its 6 Films to Keep You Awake collection). Chalk that up to director Paco Plaza, who would go on to bigger things creating the very popular REC franchise. Some comparisons have been made to The Goonies, but it's hard to not believe that the Duffer Brothers came across this little import before writing Stranger Things. The '80s referencing, from the walkie talkies and BMX bikes, to the kids' obsession with films of the moment (Karate Kid plays a huge role, especially at the end) feels like a big influence. Also worth noting, the one and only female adolescent is played by actress Ivana Baquero, who would go on to star in the lead role of Pan's Labyrinth.
Day 10: Elves (1989)
Tagline: They don't work for Santa anymore!
Notable celebrity appearances: Dan Haggerty, Deanna Lund
If Troll 2 ever had a soulmate, it's this film. Instead of telling you any more about it, let these select quotes from the movie do the talking:
"Virgin? Ew!"
"When there is no more room in hell, the elves will walk the earth."
"It was a fucking little ninja troll!"
"The Nazis experimented with elves as assassination teams."
"The elf mates with the virgin on Christmas Eve to produce the master race. And it will eventually rule the world."
"Gramps is a Nazi!"
"Your grandfather is your grandfather AND your father!"
"I will pay the price for what I have done. I impregnated my own daughter to produce an offspring that would be suitable to the elf."
"The Fourth Reich?"
"Shh… It's snowing."
Day 11: Gremlins (1984)
Tagline: They didn't obey the rules.
Notable celebrity appearances: Hoyt Axton, Phoebe Cates, Howie Mandel's voice, Corey Feldman, Judge Reinhold, Jonathan Banks, Steven Spielberg
While it's sometimes hard to consider Gremlins a horror film — maybe because of the Spielberg production cred — when compared to other mini-monster flicks like Critters and Munchies, it can be. However, there is no denying it is definitely a Christmas film, and one of the best out there. You know the plot: man buys son exotic pet that can't be fed after midnight, can't get wet and can't be exposed to sunlight. Son fucks up and does all of that, pet spawns nasty gremlins, gremlins grow into ravenous hellraisers and basically destroy an entire town.
Worth noting: Gremlins is not exactly a kids movie. So wait until your child is at least partially desensitized to violence, adult language and bad behaviour before you unleash this classic on their young and innocent eyeballs.
Day 12: Black Christmas (1974)
Tagline: If this movie doesn't make your skin crawl... It's on TOO TIGHT.
Notable celebrity appearances: Margot Kidder, Olivia Hussey, Andrea Martin, Keir Dullea, John Saxon, Art Hindle, Nick Mancuso
Save the best for Christmas Day. And not only is Black Christmas the best, it's also the archetype for all Christmas horror flicks and widely considered to be the prototype for the slasher genre. Allegedly based on the "Babysitter" urban legend, writer A. Roy Moore and director Bob Clark (Porky's, A Christmas Story) flipped it to the setting of a sorority house Christmas party. Black Christmas laid the groundwork for so many horrors after it, but the reason why it's still so compelling 40 years on is because of the endless ambiguity that surges throughout the film. Who is the killer? What does he want? Where is he? It's a complete mystery up until the spine-tingling climax — and even afterwards it leaves you in a blur of dread and bewilderment.
And pardon the Canadian pride, but the fact that Black Christmas was said to also be based on a crime that occurred in Quebec, shot in Toronto and features a cast of homegrown future stars like Margot Kidder, Art Hindle and Andrea Martin, makes it that more special.
Oh, and if you have absolutely nothing else to watch — like, absolutely nothing — give the 2006 remake a try. It is an atrocious bastardization of the original, stripping all of the suspense and threat in order to tell a piss-poor backstory. That said, it might be the most preposterous remake ever, slightly ahead of Nicolas Cage's The Wicker Man.
New Year's Day Bonus: Terror Train (1980)
Tagline: Don't waste money on a return fare. You won't be coming back!
Notable celebrity appearances: Jamie Lee Curtis, Ben Johnson, Vanity, Hart Bochner, David "Fucking" Copperfield
In case you're home alone on New Year's Eve, consider this a bonus. Directed by Roger Spottiswoode, the man who gave us Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot and Turner & Hooch, Terror Train is another Canadian cult classic. Riffing on that ever-popular "kid is tormented and then comes back for revenge" theme, this one uses a claustrophobic and controlled setting of a locomotive (an actual CP train) to allow the Groucho-masked predator to conduct business.
In 1980, Jamie Lee Curtis was the most popular actor in horror, and so having the original Scream Queen aboard (get it?) was integral. Terror Train isn't the strongest in Curtis's oeuvre — Halloween, The Fog and Prom Night all pre-date it — and recycles a lot of the horror tropes even at the time, but it's still a fun, seasonal whodunit that sure beats watching this fucking thing.
