Sex, violence and swearing — those are the urges your boss wants you to suppress while you're on the clock. Even so, sometime after a couple hours of number crunching, data entry and mind-numbing customer service, you need to let off some steam, and what better way than with a spicy NSFW video. It's a social faux-pas, but there's an extra surge of excitement you get out of streaming something slightly naughty while your co-workers are around. Here are just a few of the dangly bits and killing sprees we caught while covertly shielding our computer screens from the killjoys.
Top 10 Canadian NSFW Music Videos of 2012:
10. Killer Mike
"Big Beast"
No matter how you slice it, there's implicitly something sinister about the "Killer" part of Killer Mike's stage name. The dude finally connects the dots for us on the clip for R.A.P. Music cut "Big Beast," where he takes an axe to some would-be robbers and rapists, and plays a part in the waist-up explosion of a highway-bound shotgun shooter. It's vigilante justice at its splateriest.
9. Of Montreal
"Sails Hermaphroditic"
Of Montreal's "Sails Hermaphroditic" video is more proof that underneath every team-building sports activity lurks a whole heap of sexual tension. A field-bound game blending Red Rover, football and baseball-bat beatings leads some of the players at the bottom of a pig pile to fantasize about some indoor nubile action. Interestingly, between the sexual tension of those skin-on-skin sports scrums and the imagined sensual neon wonderland, the video's least erotically charge moment comes with the sudden arrival of a group of bona fide cock rockers.
8. Drake
"Practice"
There's nothing explicitly NSFW about Drake's video for Take Care cut "Practice," but the low-budget, seemingly self-shot vid of model Kyra Chaos wriggling it in her messy room may have your co-workers convinced you're creeping girls on the company dime. The voyeuristic clip shows her doing some deep dips and hypnotically jiggling that back section as Drake drops those chorus commands to "back that ass up." Then the dude pops into the room for what we can only presume turned into a steamy session on that clothes-scattered duvet cover, but it tragically fades to black upon his entrance.
7. Father John Misty
"This Is Sally Hatchet"
You've got to hand it to Father John Misty (aka Josh Tillman), the guy knows how to ruin a pizza with style. In the glossy but gory clip for psych-soul Fear Fun number "This Is Sally Hatchet," the dude's regular shift at the local pie shop gets rudely interrupted by the pistol-packing Sally Hatchet, who's in the mood for some late-night target practice. But when not firing off rounds or doling out sexy dance moves in the back of the pizza parlour with Sally, our hero's getting his hand mangled by a pizza slicer and spurting human sauce all over a pentagram-adorned pie. Not to be rude, but we're going to pass on a second helping.
6. Frank Ocean
"Pyramids"
The back half of R&B crooner Frank Ocean's "Pyramids" centres on a stripper named Cleopatra, so it's not really that surprising that its accompanying video clip is a NSFW affair that partially takes place in a peeler bar. An ether-induced drippiness pervades the video, and has Ocean stumbling and giggling slow-mo through the strip club. One particularly booming backside envelopes a brass pole, while other topless dancers wriggle elsewhere on the catwalk. Self-admitted porn addict John Mayer sexes things up by proxy, even though he just wails away on his six-string.
5. El-P
"The Full Retard"
It's nothing new to force cute plush puppets into adult situations (see Meet the Feebles or Avenue Q), but thankfully El-P skimps out on the campy theatre aesthetics for his grimy "The Full Retard." The clip has him and an eye-patching-sporting squirrel getting into all sorts of mischief, with the felt furball pelting people with eggs, feeling up prostitutes and puking at a nightclub party. Rumour has it half the budget on the vid was spent on the dry-cleaning bill for the little fella.
4. Sigur Rós
"Fjögur Píanó"
Let's just cut the shit, this is on here because we get to see Transformers actor Shia LaBeouf's penis in it. The Valtari cut gets treated to an artistic clip full of serene visuals surrounding a tragic and confusing love story. But, like we said, it gets the NSFW tag because, well, Shia brings the beef to his beloved. Consider this just a teaser to his upcoming role in Nymphomaniac.
3. Amanda Palmer & the Grand Theft Orchestra
"Want It Back"
Theatrical rock wonder Amanda Palmer bared it all for her fans a few times this year. On top of helping out the Flaming Lips with a bathtub-bound performance (see entry No. 2), the musician also got her naked body all inked up for her own track, "Want It Back." The video features each and every lyric being scrawled somewhere, from city walls to her bandmate's forearms, but the video is bookended with shots of Palmer having her words sensually scrawled from head to toe, and everything in between. Eventually there's an inky eruption all over her skin-canvas. Oddly, it's somehow both messier and more low-key than her equally sexed-up party clip "Do It with a Rockstar."
2. The Flaming Lips
"The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face" (ft. Erykah Badu, Amanda Palmer)
The Flaming Lips caused some controversy with their Heady Fwends-promoting clip for "The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face." Erykah Badu, who sang on the cut, raised ire with Flaming Lips frontman Wayne Coyne over the clip, which showed her sister Nayrok writhing around in a bathtub, with her naked body getting covered in glitter, cum and blood. Coyne responded in kind by making a Mach 2 vid with Amanda Palmer wiggling around in a crystal clear pool of water, wearing nothing but her birthday suit. It's, well, just as naked, but the scrubbed-up clip lacks the eye-popping ooey-gooeyness of the original offender.
1. Sebastien Tellier
"Cochon Ville"
French pop player Sebastien Tellier, the guy who once gave us an album called Sexuality, delivered one of the most erotically charged NSFW videos of the year via "Cochon Ville." Who would have figured? What starts off as a simple performance clip from Tellier and his group of robe-adorned grand wizards for the My God Is Blue track soon reveals that the club they're playing is likely situated somewhere in the second circle of hell. A cast of carnal malefactors gleefully get it on in front of the performers, though one woman seems particularly ho-hum about her current round of from-behind butt play. Elsewhere, a perv snaps a Flying V beaver shot with his Polaroid, a woman soaks her silky breasts with a couple jugs of milk, and we can only assume the sight of one dude's sizable, silvery dong is causing the surrounding jaws to drop in awe. If, like Tellier, the whole scene causes you to spurt gold confetti out of your throbbing gennies, you should probably see a specialist ASAP.
Top 10 Canadian NSFW Music Videos of 2012:
10. Killer Mike
"Big Beast"
No matter how you slice it, there's implicitly something sinister about the "Killer" part of Killer Mike's stage name. The dude finally connects the dots for us on the clip for R.A.P. Music cut "Big Beast," where he takes an axe to some would-be robbers and rapists, and plays a part in the waist-up explosion of a highway-bound shotgun shooter. It's vigilante justice at its splateriest.
9. Of Montreal
"Sails Hermaphroditic"
Of Montreal's "Sails Hermaphroditic" video is more proof that underneath every team-building sports activity lurks a whole heap of sexual tension. A field-bound game blending Red Rover, football and baseball-bat beatings leads some of the players at the bottom of a pig pile to fantasize about some indoor nubile action. Interestingly, between the sexual tension of those skin-on-skin sports scrums and the imagined sensual neon wonderland, the video's least erotically charge moment comes with the sudden arrival of a group of bona fide cock rockers.
8. Drake
"Practice"
There's nothing explicitly NSFW about Drake's video for Take Care cut "Practice," but the low-budget, seemingly self-shot vid of model Kyra Chaos wriggling it in her messy room may have your co-workers convinced you're creeping girls on the company dime. The voyeuristic clip shows her doing some deep dips and hypnotically jiggling that back section as Drake drops those chorus commands to "back that ass up." Then the dude pops into the room for what we can only presume turned into a steamy session on that clothes-scattered duvet cover, but it tragically fades to black upon his entrance.
7. Father John Misty
"This Is Sally Hatchet"
You've got to hand it to Father John Misty (aka Josh Tillman), the guy knows how to ruin a pizza with style. In the glossy but gory clip for psych-soul Fear Fun number "This Is Sally Hatchet," the dude's regular shift at the local pie shop gets rudely interrupted by the pistol-packing Sally Hatchet, who's in the mood for some late-night target practice. But when not firing off rounds or doling out sexy dance moves in the back of the pizza parlour with Sally, our hero's getting his hand mangled by a pizza slicer and spurting human sauce all over a pentagram-adorned pie. Not to be rude, but we're going to pass on a second helping.
6. Frank Ocean
"Pyramids"
The back half of R&B crooner Frank Ocean's "Pyramids" centres on a stripper named Cleopatra, so it's not really that surprising that its accompanying video clip is a NSFW affair that partially takes place in a peeler bar. An ether-induced drippiness pervades the video, and has Ocean stumbling and giggling slow-mo through the strip club. One particularly booming backside envelopes a brass pole, while other topless dancers wriggle elsewhere on the catwalk. Self-admitted porn addict John Mayer sexes things up by proxy, even though he just wails away on his six-string.
5. El-P
"The Full Retard"
It's nothing new to force cute plush puppets into adult situations (see Meet the Feebles or Avenue Q), but thankfully El-P skimps out on the campy theatre aesthetics for his grimy "The Full Retard." The clip has him and an eye-patching-sporting squirrel getting into all sorts of mischief, with the felt furball pelting people with eggs, feeling up prostitutes and puking at a nightclub party. Rumour has it half the budget on the vid was spent on the dry-cleaning bill for the little fella.
4. Sigur Rós
"Fjögur Píanó"
Let's just cut the shit, this is on here because we get to see Transformers actor Shia LaBeouf's penis in it. The Valtari cut gets treated to an artistic clip full of serene visuals surrounding a tragic and confusing love story. But, like we said, it gets the NSFW tag because, well, Shia brings the beef to his beloved. Consider this just a teaser to his upcoming role in Nymphomaniac.
3. Amanda Palmer & the Grand Theft Orchestra
"Want It Back"
Theatrical rock wonder Amanda Palmer bared it all for her fans a few times this year. On top of helping out the Flaming Lips with a bathtub-bound performance (see entry No. 2), the musician also got her naked body all inked up for her own track, "Want It Back." The video features each and every lyric being scrawled somewhere, from city walls to her bandmate's forearms, but the video is bookended with shots of Palmer having her words sensually scrawled from head to toe, and everything in between. Eventually there's an inky eruption all over her skin-canvas. Oddly, it's somehow both messier and more low-key than her equally sexed-up party clip "Do It with a Rockstar."
2. The Flaming Lips
"The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face" (ft. Erykah Badu, Amanda Palmer)
The Flaming Lips caused some controversy with their Heady Fwends-promoting clip for "The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face." Erykah Badu, who sang on the cut, raised ire with Flaming Lips frontman Wayne Coyne over the clip, which showed her sister Nayrok writhing around in a bathtub, with her naked body getting covered in glitter, cum and blood. Coyne responded in kind by making a Mach 2 vid with Amanda Palmer wiggling around in a crystal clear pool of water, wearing nothing but her birthday suit. It's, well, just as naked, but the scrubbed-up clip lacks the eye-popping ooey-gooeyness of the original offender.
1. Sebastien Tellier
"Cochon Ville"
French pop player Sebastien Tellier, the guy who once gave us an album called Sexuality, delivered one of the most erotically charged NSFW videos of the year via "Cochon Ville." Who would have figured? What starts off as a simple performance clip from Tellier and his group of robe-adorned grand wizards for the My God Is Blue track soon reveals that the club they're playing is likely situated somewhere in the second circle of hell. A cast of carnal malefactors gleefully get it on in front of the performers, though one woman seems particularly ho-hum about her current round of from-behind butt play. Elsewhere, a perv snaps a Flying V beaver shot with his Polaroid, a woman soaks her silky breasts with a couple jugs of milk, and we can only assume the sight of one dude's sizable, silvery dong is causing the surrounding jaws to drop in awe. If, like Tellier, the whole scene causes you to spurt gold confetti out of your throbbing gennies, you should probably see a specialist ASAP.