If you think your band's breakup was bad, you have nothing on Nashville's Llorona, a hardcore band that had to fire their frontman for an absolutely bonkers reason. Get ready to read a sentence containing a string of words you've never heard together before: their vocalist was secretly dosing their bassist with estrogen in an attempt to steal his girl.
According to an Instagram Story made by the band, their frontman Diego admitted his scheme drunkenly over text message. He was able to dose their bassist by sneaking the estrogen into pre-workout powder he frequently gifted him. His "stupid caveman mindset that makes zero sense" led him to believe the estrogen would make his bandmate appear more feminine, therefore giving him the chance to swoop in on his fiancée, whom he admitted to being obsessed with.
"This tampering has caused confusion and thousands of dollars in medical bills in the past months trying to figure out what's wrong," the story reads, with the band adding that "many more disgusting details have been left out for the sake of privacy and general censorship."
Llorona shared the screenshots of Diego admitting his plans, as to avoid getting mixed up in "the he said she said." Their bassist also took to their story, stating nothing seemed out of the ordinary as Diego frequently got free pre-workout from his job, and had access to hormones because of his gym practices.
"I have had physical changes from the hormones besides stomach ulcers, weight loss, and muscle fatigue that I will not get into, as well as notable mental changes. I will also be getting the last batch of pre-workout he gave me tested for estrogen," the unnamed bassist wrote.
This certainly knocks Witchrot off the podium for craziest band dissolution after they broke up due to infidelity and their drummer dying (before getting back together and admitting the drummer is, in fact, alive and well). Metal and hardcore bands are a different beast — one we admire for what it's worth, albeit fearfully.
All of this said, if your band's statement ends up on Know Your Meme, does it mean you've made it?