¡Forward, Russia!

Dear ¡FR! Sorry our blind date didn’t go so well. I don’t know what our friends were thinking setting us up. I knew there’d be trouble when you showed up in your "quick, rip me to mp3” glitter and gloss, and all I had was my battered, old Discman. You certainly were an animated conversationalist, obviously passionate about… well, I confess, I wasn’t listening too closely, distracted by your flapping gestures and overflowing tear ducts. Sorry I ducked out through the bathroom window while you were explaining "A Shadow is a Shadow is a Shadow” but your whole "Spanish Triangles” theory sounded like it was going to take the rest of the evening. Still, I don’t think you’d be a bad catch for someone else. I have a friend who just got out of a relationship with Muse who might go gaga over you. And I know a girl who kind of likes Radiohead but finds Thom Yorke a little too restrained. You two would be perfect for each other. I’ll see what I can set up.