Crucified Barbara In Distortion We Trust

There’s this common misconception that the equation "Sweden + Rock Band = Cool” is unfailing. Maybe in some instances, but with cock rock quartet Crucified Barbara it would seem as though we’re stuck multiplying zeroes. One would imagine that the snotty Mötley Crüe attitude of "Losing the Game” or tongue-in-cheek toying with Pantera on "I Need a Cowboy from Hell” might be endearing but sadly this band take their delivery far too seriously to be enjoyable or even entertaining. They stink up their own album by trying so hard to prove themselves — to be primal and nasty enough to cut the mustard — that virtually all of these 12 tracks feel tainted. Even the take on Motörhead’s "Killed By Death” has little going for it, it’s such a flat clone. Maybe once the band relax enough to realise the potential in their witty lyrics, searing rock’n’roll guitar riffs and boundless energy will they actually produce something inspiring but for now, we may trust in distortion but not once it’s been Crucified. (Liquor and Poker)