Ass Machine

With a name like Ass Machine, you'd better bloody well rock like demons or actually have constructed a mechanical device that convincingly mimics the functions of the human posterior. It's hard to tell just from the CD if these ex-Weeping Tile members have come up just such an ingenious invention, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say they fall short in both categories. The basic sound here is wanna-be L7 mock-metal with juvenile, vengeful lyrics that make the average G.G. Allin song seem clever. One example is "Shithead Narc," with its grade seven-level prison rape scenario that even the dimmest South Park fan wouldn't find humorous. More violent and dopey lyrics can be heard in the rural murder fantasy "Shot The Boy." The tired ass dis song, "Redneck Asshole," which can be filed in with the infinite '80s hardcore variations on this same stupid theme, has by far the weakest insult on the whole album, which is that the redneck in question's "asshole smells." Other not-so-classic cuts include the brain-dead space filler "Johnny's Smokin' Crack" and the just flat-out boring Spinal Tap-y "Necrophiliac Cannibal." In short, these songs aren't funny, they don't rock and the production is weak. If you're going to make fun of hardcore metal, first make sure you can play it, and second, make sure you're witty.