Seeing if the music is pleasing a guest, the Batman fails his COVID test, there are no boneless birds in a nest, virtual school rules should give it a rest and much more from this week in funny tweets.<br>
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<strong>August 28</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">that's years of evolutionary adaptation due to the lack of pockets in most women's clothes <a href="https://t.co/1icBkmF2kT">https://t.co/1icBkmF2kT</a></p>
— wachirakeith chittsawangdee (@ElChicoPocoLoco) <a href="https://twitter.com/ElChicoPocoLoco/status/1299539025028673539?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 29, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">think about this a lot. <a href="https://t.co/yYXaO5r8I5">pic.twitter.com/yYXaO5r8I5</a></p>
— brain genius (@Millerheighife) <a href="https://twitter.com/Millerheighife/status/1299519349917495297?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 29, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I don't want to be that person but it's 485 miles, lol <a href="https://t.co/AFH5kociwh">https://t.co/AFH5kociwh</a></p>
— Patricia A Cameron (@COBlackpacker) <a href="https://twitter.com/COBlackpacker/status/1299441358151847942?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Conservatives: shut up and dribble!<br>
<br>
NBA: no<br>
<br>
Obama: shut up and dribble a ball with "BLM" written on it</p>
— L Ron Mexico (@LRonMexico) <a href="https://twitter.com/LRonMexico/status/1299494339958263809?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>August 29</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">i loled <a href="https://t.co/zGkWFfOz7L">pic.twitter.com/zGkWFfOz7L</a></p>
— mindy🌷 #DSA4USPS (@mindyisser) <a href="https://twitter.com/mindyisser/status/1299830610932969476?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 29, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">One HUGE downside of Zoom I have not heard appropriately acknowledged is that there is no way to exchange covert glances with one other person about the nonsense some other person is spouting and that is like 50% of how I communicate.</p>
— Rebecca Metz (@TheRebeccaMetz) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheRebeccaMetz/status/1299869241156362240?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">a lot of people really hate looting but love museums and that's interesting to me</p>
— if bein wong's a crime, i'm servin forever (@allmydads) <a href="https://twitter.com/allmydads/status/1299846410775359488?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 29, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Anyone had an ex with a weird fetish? My ex had one, he used to dress up in his own clothes and act like a massive cunt.</p>
— Its Leisa, not Lisa (@leisaisntdrunk) <a href="https://twitter.com/leisaisntdrunk/status/1299805154867318788?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 29, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">😭😭 i cant even believe ppl are telling their kids and then taking pics of them crying. <a href="https://t.co/KE4zyBdCVH">https://t.co/KE4zyBdCVH</a></p>
— Good Twin (@MelaninMiyagi) <a href="https://twitter.com/MelaninMiyagi/status/1299886619114307584?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>August 30</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">If you get bitten by a shark, bite it back. You'll still probably die but the shark will be like "lol what"</p>
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) <a href="https://twitter.com/DrakeGatsby/status/1300213964710785037?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">In case people forgot how the Republicans accepted Obama in 2008: <a href="https://t.co/9OGAgIpqCS">https://t.co/9OGAgIpqCS</a> <a href="https://t.co/U0qxikEgl2">pic.twitter.com/U0qxikEgl2</a></p>
— Lia (@lialozanooo) <a href="https://twitter.com/lialozanooo/status/1300267754843406337?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 31, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">GIRL, YOU ASKED ME! <a href="https://t.co/UBNFldJq21">pic.twitter.com/UBNFldJq21</a></p>
— Chris says Bravo Lima Mike🍍 (@seneca) <a href="https://twitter.com/seneca/status/1300240502466531328?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 31, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">ya, can i get <a href="https://t.co/3eLVmb6Ovq">pic.twitter.com/3eLVmb6Ovq</a></p>
— ꧁𝕸𝖆𝖉𝖎𝖒𝖔𝖎𝖘𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖊꧂ (@drivingmemadi) <a href="https://twitter.com/drivingmemadi/status/1300195146991046656?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">we had bread in the 90s <a href="https://t.co/u4u8KLYlru">https://t.co/u4u8KLYlru</a></p>
— Jill Krajewski (@JillKrajewski) <a href="https://twitter.com/JillKrajewski/status/1300178221103747075?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>August 31</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Certified freak, *seven* days a week? This is why we must unionize</p>
— drew janda (@drewjanda) <a href="https://twitter.com/drewjanda/status/1300599664962461696?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I be at Trader Joe's with no list just vibes</p>
— Virgo Szn ♍️ (@___inCANdescent) <a href="https://twitter.com/___inCANdescent/status/1300492996975173633?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 31, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">What if <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/WAP?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#WAP</a> by <a href="https://twitter.com/iamcardib?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@iamcardib</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/theestallion?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@theestallion</a> was done by an <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/80s?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#80s</a> R&amp;B artist? <a href="https://t.co/3x8o38eWLh">pic.twitter.com/3x8o38eWLh</a></p>
— Jay Diggs (@jaydiggsmusic) <a href="https://twitter.com/jaydiggsmusic/status/1300472746527412224?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 31, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">a beautiful himbo angel, look at him 🥰 he's reading an empty book sleeve, an inspiration to himbos everywhere <a href="https://t.co/gFr4jfn5VV">https://t.co/gFr4jfn5VV</a></p>
— ladies.ladies.ladies.ladies (@VaVaGloom) <a href="https://twitter.com/VaVaGloom/status/1300514012698996737?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 31, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I appreciate that this was done for scale but it looks like she just ate all the meat on those bones and had to have a bit of a lie-down <a href="https://t.co/9O2elQ97eP">https://t.co/9O2elQ97eP</a></p>
— Oops! Grandma Taters Killed God (@FleshlessArt) <a href="https://twitter.com/FleshlessArt/status/1300485867220463617?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 31, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>September 1</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">day 1 of class <a href="https://t.co/gjl8g2D6yH">pic.twitter.com/gjl8g2D6yH</a></p>
— ur grandma mia (@itsmiameera) <a href="https://twitter.com/itsmiameera/status/1301013845708861441?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">My school literally put up a rule where we are NOT allowed to eat while online.<br>
<br>
I AM IN MY OWN FUCKING HOUSE.</p>
— bookish 🇭🇹 (@aROSEthatGREW) <a href="https://twitter.com/aROSEthatGREW/status/1300796229367013379?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">As per my last engraved tablet <a href="https://t.co/ajB2E0ktWp">pic.twitter.com/ajB2E0ktWp</a></p>
— Lethality Jane (@LethalityJane) <a href="https://twitter.com/LethalityJane/status/1300832788875280388?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Losing my fucking mind at these apartment listing photos <a href="https://t.co/9NydqvWsKZ">pic.twitter.com/9NydqvWsKZ</a></p>
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) <a href="https://twitter.com/caitiedelaney/status/1300696872240033792?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">*me slumping over after brief, terrible sex* "that's what it would be like with the other guys" <a href="https://t.co/GJDykfcdBS">https://t.co/GJDykfcdBS</a></p>
— Sam Adler-Bell (@SamAdlerBell) <a href="https://twitter.com/SamAdlerBell/status/1300935321031503872?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">At the end of Ratatouille, the food critic, Anton Ego, ends up funding a small bistro for Remy to cook in.<br>
<br>
The avg lifespan for a rat (ie THE HEAD CHEF) is 1.8 years.<br>
<br>
This is an absolute shit investment.</p>
— Das Skoogeth (@Skoog) <a href="https://twitter.com/Skoog/status/1300791291299627011?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">RIP the Ossington. made a lot of friends there. had a lot of laughs. left my computer there lots.<br>
<br>
excited for the future of the space, whether it be a cannabis store that's forced to rebrand following a cultural appropriation scandal, or a store selling $45 potted succulents.</p>
— john (@johnsemley3000) <a href="https://twitter.com/johnsemley3000/status/1300851720818483201?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Some clumsy goof must've tripped and spilled some blue paint on this sign. <a href="https://t.co/9WrhMaLZ48">pic.twitter.com/9WrhMaLZ48</a></p>
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) <a href="https://twitter.com/pattonoswalt/status/1300864133563179009?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>September 2</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">This might be the most New York shit I've ever seen...down to the hit out of no where lol <a href="https://t.co/toz8GCoYkp">pic.twitter.com/toz8GCoYkp</a></p>
— THE ONE ABOVE ALL (@MRCRUZv3) <a href="https://twitter.com/MRCRUZv3/status/1301188432664891393?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">the height of social media was like 2008 when you'd post "I hate everyone to the bitter end, nothing turns out right, there's no end in sight, I hate my life" (mad about geometry homework) and your aunt would comment "you need to call me" and you'd reply "lol it's song lyrics"</p>
— 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗯 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗼𝗻 (@calebsaysthings) <a href="https://twitter.com/calebsaysthings/status/1301382743654195200?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 3, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">my boss will probably tell me to delete this in the morning but yes what he said lol <a href="https://t.co/MIMO7OuHsR">https://t.co/MIMO7OuHsR</a></p>
— Looney Tunes (@WBLooneyTunes) <a href="https://twitter.com/WBLooneyTunes/status/1301375017515712513?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 3, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">She shut my mans up so quick 😂 <a href="https://t.co/HWXBhnl0D7">pic.twitter.com/HWXBhnl0D7</a></p>
— Young Simba (@Mufaa6) <a href="https://twitter.com/Mufaa6/status/1301199778370387969?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">My man managed to misspell both "Marie" and "Antoinette" <a href="https://t.co/Ac24BDVmVW">pic.twitter.com/Ac24BDVmVW</a></p>
— Max Steele (@maxasteele) <a href="https://twitter.com/maxasteele/status/1301277394322546691?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Me making sure everyone enjoys the song I put on <a href="https://t.co/uilMSTxDSp">https://t.co/uilMSTxDSp</a></p>
— AM 🧻 (@Abdulmir19) <a href="https://twitter.com/Abdulmir19/status/1301137927804801025?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">this is every trump bot account <a href="https://t.co/C4oE7UWp2U">pic.twitter.com/C4oE7UWp2U</a></p>
— kylie brakeman 🌹 (@deadeyebrakeman) <a href="https://twitter.com/deadeyebrakeman/status/1301196903229480960?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">WHY ISN'T THE MEDIA TALKING ABOUT THIS 👇 <a href="https://t.co/nVnwZFGWM3">pic.twitter.com/nVnwZFGWM3</a></p>
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) <a href="https://twitter.com/MikeDrucker/status/1301154013166153729?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Anyone else rip their mask off when they get in to the car like they've just finished a disappointing surgery on Grey's Anatomy</p>
— Sophia Cadogan (@sophiacadogan) <a href="https://twitter.com/sophiacadogan/status/1301066615879020544?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> September 3

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Sometimes we walk into a room full of white and Indigenous folk and shout, 'HEY, YOU GUYS START RECONCILING MORE,' and they do. They totally start reconciling more seriouser.</p>
— Walking Eagle News (@TheEagleist) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheEagleist/status/1301545945340030977?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 3, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Credit where credit's due; that's fucking amazing. <a href="https://t.co/R3XI7VKbk5">https://t.co/R3XI7VKbk5</a></p>
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) <a href="https://twitter.com/robdelaney/status/1301603729431556096?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 3, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">of course a top would say this <a href="https://t.co/8JYVhxhKDe">https://t.co/8JYVhxhKDe</a></p>
— giabuchi lastrassi (@jaboukie) <a href="https://twitter.com/jaboukie/status/1301530063519862790?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 3, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">always one step ahead of the game <a href="https://t.co/yHEXZogLYx">pic.twitter.com/yHEXZogLYx</a></p>
— eli? no. elus ✨ (@jazz_inmypants) <a href="https://twitter.com/jazz_inmypants/status/1301540999483842565?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 3, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">makes sense, batman mask covers all the wrong parts <a href="https://t.co/H8GKO63Lk8">https://t.co/H8GKO63Lk8</a></p>
— ben mekler (@benmekler) <a href="https://twitter.com/benmekler/status/1301593909731106816?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 3, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Batman has Covid? Wow, this whole thing has kinda come full circle for bats.</p>
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) <a href="https://twitter.com/juliussharpe/status/1301660831352930304?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 3, 2020</a></blockquote>
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Vish Khanna

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: September 3, 2020

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