September 23
It's ok @warriors, in a few months @realDonaldTrump probably won't be able to visit the White House either
— Robin Lopez (@rolopez42) September 23, 2017
trump managed to divide the entire country but unite cavs and warriors twitter. incredible.
— Austin (@garooya) September 23, 2017
To: Trump
— El Magobits (@megobits) September 23, 2017
From: Sports pic.twitter.com/Sj1YFxAjXr
September 24
Hmm I'd say that not helping the American citizens of Puerto Rico with every possible American resource is more disrespectful to the flag
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) September 24, 2017
Thinking NFL players are 'protesting the flag' is like thinking Rosa Parks was protesting public transportation
— POSITIVE BRUINS FAN (@jeffisrael25) September 24, 2017
September 25
When you lied on your CV about having previous sheepdog experience. pic.twitter.com/fecGfhE9YD
— Paul Bronks (@BoringEnormous) September 25, 2017
Your hand. It's...photoshopped? Jesus, Donny. pic.twitter.com/2UlF5mSlmn
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) September 25, 2017
Here's forty seconds you'll never get back... pic.twitter.com/ChLCP0P5um
— Harry Shearer (@theharryshearer) September 26, 2017
September 26
Some people are scared of earwigs entering their ears but I'm more worried about cockroaches.
— Jemaine Clement (@AJemaineClement) September 27, 2017
┳┻|
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) September 27, 2017
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻| _
┻┳| •.•) this seems excessive
┳┻|⊂ﾉ
┻┳|
My teacher left the room during a test so we all started sharing answers. Then I look up and she was staring right at me 😳👩🏽🏫😩 pic.twitter.com/yPMpgazbMv
— Me (@josephxmorales) September 26, 2017
TWITTER USERS: It would be nice if you stopped people making death threats.
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) September 26, 2017
TWITTER: OK, but what if those death threats could be LONGER?
September 27
You can criticise Hef, but before he came along American men had to masturbate while staring at a fire hydrant, imagining its top was a boob
— Pixelated Boat (@pixelatedboat) September 28, 2017
Twitter is suffering what most shows do in their later seasons by introducing a bunch of characters no one really cares about
— The Stephen Harper (@stephenaharper) September 27, 2017
So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Give me five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now where were we? Oh yeah. The important thing was I had an onion on
— James Hamblin (@jameshamblin) September 27, 2017
Wow the United States is getting really smart at catching terrorists. pic.twitter.com/P8r4IjfXbW
— Zaid Ali (@Za1d) September 27, 2017
Trump : "We can wipe North Korea off the map."
— Gord Macey (@GordMacey) September 28, 2017
"Can you get supplies to Puerto Rico?"
Trump : "It's not that easy because of a big ocean."
September 28
Hugh Hefner lived so long that his first wife's name was Mildred and his last wife's name was Crystal.
— Tommy (@tommygunz07) September 28, 2017
All true Canadians know there is only one proper use of the new 280 character limit on Twitter. |
— Matt B. (@tederick) September 28, 2017
Tous les vrais Canadiens savent qu'il n'y a qu'une bonne utilisation de la nouvelle limite de 280 caractères sur Twitter.
I have yet to write a sentence that better explains the Trump presidency https://t.co/ISwASE8Lwi pic.twitter.com/m2a4YsEBsD
— Asawin Suebsaeng (@swin24) September 28, 2017
.@MoniquePressley is my hero
— Judd Legum (@JuddLegum) September 29, 2017
This is an absolutely brutal takedown of Tucker
Worth watch (on loop) pic.twitter.com/qq314v5qdl
I just want to say, for me, today has been one of the funniest days on this app. pic.twitter.com/PtTJWp34yp
— KYLE + (@kyalbr) September 28, 2017
di—did the cat write this pic.twitter.com/sNOa9A2iIW
— erin chack (@ErinChack) September 28, 2017
September 29
According to my wife, "Let's fuck up this breakfast buffet" is an inappropriate thing to say in front of the kids.
— Hi it's Matt Collins (@mitchberghini) September 29, 2017
Jared Kushner: I forgot my email address.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) September 29, 2017
Also Jared Kushner: I'm going to solve the Middle East.