September 30
I want this headline to be about this photo SO badly. pic.twitter.com/FkZ02pkbAD
— Caro (@socarolinesays) October 1, 2017
The last five people Trump has attacked on Twitter:
— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) September 30, 2017
Latina mayor dealing with crisis
Dying senator
NFL commish
Kim Jong Un
Black NBA star
October 1
hi i know twitters exploded last few years & some of u r new here but we all actually agreed to stop pumpkin spice jokes on here in 2014 so
— elijah daniel (@elijahdaniel) October 1, 2017
Baked Alaska harasses a black man who tells him to stop filming, asks cops for help, is told repeatedly to leave. https://t.co/yPGqyarw2E pic.twitter.com/joBZZFodqP
— Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) October 2, 2017
October 2
Tom Petty died twice in one day because he's fucking Tom Petty
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) October 3, 2017
Why didnt Trump call #StephenPaddock a son of a bitch?
— Black Aziz Ansari 👏 (@Freeyourmindkid) October 2, 2017
remember when australia had one mass shooting incident then banned guns and like...didnt have one again? an interesting thought....
— chloe (@contrachloe) October 2, 2017
i mean i fucking love pizza but if pizza violently killed 30,000 people a year i'd be like okay maybe none of us should have pizza
— Dave King (@DaveKingThing) October 3, 2017
Who cares if Kim Jong-un gets a nuke? Nukes don't kill people, PEOPLE kill people.
— Bob Cunningham ❄ (@BCunningham215) October 2, 2017
... see how fucking stupid that sounds? #GunControl
so this just happened... : pic.twitter.com/mPz7z6ZGI3
— allie rose (@aallz__) October 3, 2017
things more regulated than assault rifles:
— MiaAAAAAAAAAAH 👻 (@im_a_mia) October 2, 2017
- Kinder Surprise Eggs
- Sudafed
- birth control pills
- fucking lawn darts
- Camembert cheese
October 3
There is more we can do, and we need to do it. Love to my hometown. #VegasStrong pic.twitter.com/eOQPUCYziY
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) October 3, 2017
Drinking Game: Every time Trump says "I'd give our response to Puerto Rico an A+," remember that Puerto Ricans have nothing to drink.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) October 4, 2017
Trump is every Fred Willard character in a Christopher Guest mockumentary pic.twitter.com/6GPu05qCob
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) October 3, 2017
Twitter does it again pic.twitter.com/VcamBICoXE
— Mans Not Hot Ent (@Just_JayyTee) October 4, 2017
Deactivating pic.twitter.com/xUNtP4xMB2
— brynn (@hard_candyjpeg) October 4, 2017
the most impressive scene in any spy movie is in Casino Royale when james bond is in a hotel shower and knows immediately how to use it.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) October 4, 2017
October 4
I'm glad I already solved this hotel shower when it was a puzzle in "Myst." pic.twitter.com/jkjphXyAje
— Bethany Nowviskie (@nowviskie) October 4, 2017
Fox News is having a hard time coping with the Las Vegas shooter being a rich white guy. https://t.co/S9iuuEYHBi pic.twitter.com/04ONWk9348
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) October 4, 2017
It's that time of year again where I remind you all that there's no evidence in the text that the Monster Mash takes place on Halloween. It's just a fun party for monsters that could be in April for all we know.
— Chris Schleicher (@cschleichsrun) October 4, 2017
TREBEK: i want to quiz a bunch of nerds and in the middle we'll have them tell dumb stories from their lives
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) October 4, 2017
EXEC: sold
TREBEK: but i'm going to run it like a weird backwards riddle show from the mirror dimension
EXEC: what
A Magical thing called "Something" pic.twitter.com/z5nUi7flWr
— Mark Forward (@MarkForwardd) October 5, 2017
What a headline!! 🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/eLIsA69sPP
— Holly O'Reilly (@AynRandPaulRyan) October 4, 2017
Who is at the controls!?? pic.twitter.com/zECVvzvofD
— Tom Namako (@TomNamako) October 4, 2017
How to be an adult:
— TechnicallyRaarrrghh (@TechnicallyRon) October 4, 2017
Make lists
Complain about being tired
Never complete lists
I am so tired
I like how "two" is spelled a little strangely so you're prepared early on for how insane "eight" is going to be.
— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) October 5, 2017
It's official. Enough time has passed so that we can now respectfully talk about gun control with regards to the Pulse massacre in Orlando.
— )))David Cross((( (@davidcrosss) October 4, 2017
Hannity looks like he made a YouTube video to explain why he was kicked off a harbor cruise for being too drunk, while still drunk. pic.twitter.com/FDoE9qg8tV
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) October 4, 2017
October 5
I adapted it. pic.twitter.com/iYhARRkT6h
— dennis calero (@DennisCalero) October 5, 2017
wow, little boys, you can be anything when you grow up! sexual predator businessman, sexual predator president, stay-at-home sexual predator
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 5, 2017
THIS YEAR HAS FELT LIKE THE POLITICAL EQUIVALENT OF WHEN A BIRD GETS INSIDE THE HOUSE
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) October 5, 2017
Dear God. It ACTUALLY fucking happened pic.twitter.com/h5J6ibytAU
— King Nathan, XV 🇹🇹 (@RodriguezDaGod) October 6, 2017
October 6
A CLOSER LOOK: More on Moron https://t.co/IrmFR5k9TE
— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers) October 6, 2017
Things we confirmed this week:
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) October 6, 2017
NRA is terrorist organization.
Breitbart is a white supremacist organization.
Donald Trump is a moron.
just imagine, an accused sexual predator in the White House
— Simon Maloy (@SimonMaloy) October 6, 2017
the White House!
where the president lives! pic.twitter.com/caDdP4CRyM
Hey Moron, where's your tweet about this? Our economy LOST 33,000 jobs last month. 1st September loss in 7 years. YOU SUCK. pic.twitter.com/wDyz1XR2cF
— Keith Olbermann (@KeithOlbermann) October 6, 2017