My email is sent, fart fetish discontent, what Drake and Lil Wayne might've meant, fresh Beethoven content, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

September 24

i need to know what she's preparing for pic.twitter.com/p50YNBmUaR
— griff (@grifferslol) September 24, 2021

STOP MAKING ME WATCH VIDEOS JUST WRITE DOWN HOW TO DO THINGS
— Dr Charlotte Lydia Riley (@lottelydia) September 24, 2021

pic.twitter.com/YAkuPJsVE0
— syd (@sydbricks) September 24, 2021

doctor at my check up asked me if i had "any feelings of depression or anxiety" and i said "don't we all" and she said "no" lol
— Aly Dixon (@aly__dixon) September 24, 2021

Saddest tweet I've ever seen pic.twitter.com/jHhdmIh817
— Conceptual Canute, Anarchomonarch 🏴👑 🚼 🇲🇴❌💉 (@Cnut_real) September 25, 2021

"Who's gonna do your maintenance if you don't have a landlord?"

The same maintenance workers the landlord calls except now I will call them.
— Themperor Kennedy🐸🏳️‍🌈 (@kennedytcooper) September 24, 2021

never been angrier in my life for not coming up with an idea for first pic.twitter.com/rDjkGpFe0I
— Beth (@bourgeoisalien) September 24, 2021

Hell yeah the Boss is still cranking 'em out pic.twitter.com/nw8cnaTGOB
— BILL OAKLEY (@thatbilloakley) September 25, 2021

Saving up my points for the big prize. 🍔 pic.twitter.com/Or9xKclgg4
— Dan White (@atdanwhite) September 24, 2021

this is the best day of my life pic.twitter.com/HbGvqR22OZ
— mara marina ☭🔮🎃😈 (@marinaxdove) September 24, 2021

September 25

I found it. The best apple variety in the orchard. pic.twitter.com/1mYdvnb8a0
— Kim Bellware (@bellwak) September 25, 2021

No one talks about this. pic.twitter.com/ZJHSbsldS4
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) September 25, 2021

NOOOOO!!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/09seLIVn1f
— g (@ows_luh) September 25, 2021

I tried to explain to a lifelong tall person that when you're short, people just pick you up sometimes. Like, you're 22, and at a party, and everyone's drunk and someone just lifts you up. She was mystified
— mattie kahn (@mattiekahn) September 26, 2021

pic.twitter.com/AqiEQMvA78
— cow divorce (@piss_jorts) September 25, 2021

Just had to show a cop my driving passport on my way to buy alcohol with my age passport.

Maybe later I'll go to Costco with one of my capitalism passports.
— Derek Silva (@Derekcrim) September 25, 2021

If i ever do one of thos tweets like "sorry I haven't had good tweets lol i'm in love and having sex" that means im chained up in someone's basement
— helena (@freshhel) September 26, 2021

never been more scared of a dog pic.twitter.com/wLvWuEHfKR
— Rob N Roll (@thegallowboob) September 25, 2021

September 26

Me eating:

My white shirt: let me taste it.
— Deejay Combs (@DeejayCombs) September 26, 2021

I JUST FOUND THIS PLS THIS IS SO FUNNY 😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/XgieEd7qcg
— hi guys (@surgeon18012021) September 26, 2021

trying to get my team to pass me the basketball https://t.co/xu1R5nwPBG
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) September 27, 2021

pic.twitter.com/dPFlaiZ0lZ
— ginger ale mom (@ohnowaytay) September 27, 2021

ADHD is basically just your brain stuck on side quest mode
— (Boo!)tz👻🤍 (@BootyHaver) September 26, 2021

Am I high right now what is happening pic.twitter.com/itBaV1XUNK
— 🩸🗡Kristi🪓🪚YamagucciSlain🔪🩸 (@wapplehouse) September 26, 2021

just remembered the time grimes told everyone on tiktok that she didn't know you were supposed to teach your baby words pic.twitter.com/rSjQFxSxcK
— c a i t (@kittynouveau) September 27, 2021

pic.twitter.com/eV4CPiLRZg
— ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (@ijustbluemyself) September 26, 2021

September 27

Email from your university three seconds after graduating pic.twitter.com/hvQZidXrL4
— darren i (@MegaDarren) September 27, 2021

If you are a spicy nugget, I know of a place where you can get a job… pic.twitter.com/GrZOOzIKTW
— нυɴ✟er collιɴѕ 𖤐 (@Hunter_Collins) September 28, 2021

No one:

The spatula stopping me from closing the drawer: pic.twitter.com/t9EZ5XeDgS
— trina (@treeens_) September 27, 2021

These middle school kids were outside my school fighting when I left so I came out with my teacher voice and was like "I KNOW y'all not out here fighting!" And the ringleader was like "then you don't know shit Bc that's what we doing!" 😭😭😭😭😭😭
— DJ Quik Stan Account (@kissmequann) September 27, 2021

you should be able to decline an incoming thought
— trash jones (@jzux) September 27, 2021

"I only lost my sense of smell." that's your nervous system right there, my guy. thats your brain.
— jason c. (@netw3rk) September 27, 2021

Just had my phone incorrectly autocorrect "ducking" to "fucking," which means I've won, I've finally broken its spirit. How does failure taste, demon box.
— Sonny Bunch (@SonnyBunch) September 28, 2021

Finally saw Tenet. No sound. On a plane. On an iPhone. Owned by a guy three rows in front of me. And I have to say: Mr. Nolan, you've done it again.
— Osita Nwanevu (@OsitaNwanevu) September 28, 2021

September 28

so nicki said "i never fucked wayne i never fucked drake," and both drake & wayne said "i never fucked nicki." but there was 0 line in the song saying wayne & drake never fucked each other. in this essay i will
— ben ♡ (@benxta_) September 28, 2021

The pandemic ends pic.twitter.com/Fsw7SQXlkc
— Jay McKenzie (@JamesFourM) September 29, 2021

Ok I just did and now it's more offensive? https://t.co/NnFbQTVGR3
— alicia (@nerdjpg) September 28, 2021

Unless we can put on the best talent show this town has ever seen https://t.co/RqAfQha2d4
— Marc (@MarcSnetiker) September 29, 2021

pic.twitter.com/IbAm3DaawW
— ben mekler (@benmekler) September 29, 2021

Bruh said by any means necessary.🤔😂 🐊 pic.twitter.com/V89Sy0auce
— J- 🌎✨ (@MajorFactor2) September 29, 2021

Insurance company not gone believe a word you say https://t.co/2eo5b3fifG
— Meech. (@bg_meech) September 28, 2021

September 29

i just sat in a drive thru line for 30 minutes but i couldn't bring myself to leave bc i thought about this picture pic.twitter.com/e0hC1OgzyE
— emilio (@emilio__oilime) September 30, 2021

Shakespeare's shit is so timeless cause everybody's got that friend named Polonius that hides behind their tapestries
— Sam Saulsbury (@SamuelSaulsbury) September 29, 2021

1950s housewives were right, you do have to drug yourself to get through the days
— Queen Kitten 👑 (@ElaniKitten) September 29, 2021

this doesn't feel "popular" or "cool" to admit online but I digest dairy pretty easily
— bailey (@baileybenns) September 29, 2021

I know it's not just me, but whenever I hear of a restaurant standing up against the tyranny of masks or vaccine passports or whatever, I tend to assume that they're also not that wild about following the health code.
— Matt Blair (@mjblair) September 29, 2021

no worries, we've proven our ability to tackle a crisis together https://t.co/tAOKlW42WU
— Emo Philips (@EmoPhilips) September 30, 2021

September 30

every damn time pic.twitter.com/cygjas0UbE
— Rob N Roll (@thegallowboob) September 30, 2021

running out into the street with a baseball bat like i just got an amber alert pic.twitter.com/PaLDf1HZUm
— carter hambley (@carterhambley) September 30, 2021

would u choose dinner with machine gun kelly or $38.26
— bill (@BillRatchet) September 30, 2021

If they made The Sopranos in today's woke society it would be about Tony Soprano going to therapy
— pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) September 30, 2021

Finally, someone is putting the "party" back in "search party." pic.twitter.com/D6IOVnSyvA
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) September 30, 2021

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: October 1, 2021

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