This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: October 19, 2018
In the last 50 years, America has updated the iPhones 10 times and the constitution zero times.— Nour Hadidi (@NourHadidi) October 13, 2018
when i feel bad about my social skills i remind myself how one time rachmaninoff decided he was gonna be pals with stravinsky (who'd casually mentioned he liked honey) so he showed up at his house in the middle of the night with an enormous jar of honey and no explanation— iris (@iris__ks) October 13, 2018
Halifax is like if a CBC Radio 3 playlist became a city— Jordan Foisy (@JordanFoisy) October 14, 2018
Nothing but respect for people that just chill on escalators. You're on magic stairs pal what's your hurry— Fall Daniel (@ItsDanSheehan) October 13, 2018
Meet new people.— Spooky Skoog (@Skoogeth) October 14, 2018
Go out on a date.
Fall in love.
Move in together.
Tell her your murder dreams.
Get a dog.
Take a pottery class.
Become a serial killing team.
Buy a house.
Use the basement as a kill room.
[I don't know who Pete Davidson is and I'm not looking it up. I'm going to assume he's a baseball player] looks like Pete Davidson really STRUCK OUT— pixelated (something halloween-related) (@pixelatedboat) October 14, 2018
I sincerely hope Ariana Grande left Pete Davidson because he keeps breaking during sketches.— Guy Branum (@guybranum) October 15, 2018
Ariana had to learn the hard way what all women find out eventually: that sometimes you think a guy is amazing and funny and loving and sexy, but it turns out he's just tall— kate-EEK (@katefeetie) October 15, 2018
Inspiring words from Ted Cruz at the debate: pic.twitter.com/0c84tqO4LN— pixelated (something halloween-related) (@pixelatedboat) October 17, 2018
Friday is fine pic.twitter.com/GCCvgv2M9K— fargod (@FarbodNBA) October 16, 2018
2018's most legit two-person halloween costume right here 🎃 🔥 pic.twitter.com/Stewi4FrIW— Ian Laking (@IHLaking) October 16, 2018
"Yeah, he called her a horseface, but she clowned his dick" - History Books— Aisha Brown (@Aieeesha) October 17, 2018
It's a shame Bela Lugosi didn't live to hear Bela Lugosi's Dead but I understand why it had to happen in that order— I Know What You Did Bransummer (@bransonreese) October 16, 2018
So when your daughter comes home from school crying because boys called her names the president routinely uses to denigrate women, just explain to her that we cut marginal tax rates for corporations and everything will be fine.— stuart stevens (@stuartpstevens) October 17, 2018
Scooby Doo was tryna teach us young that monsters and ghosts aren't real and what we need to be scared of is white men and their many masks and tricks!— 🦍 auntie auntie (@KillaKo__) October 17, 2018
This is my favorite thing I've ever seen on Facebook pic.twitter.com/vpWpk5JUOV— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) October 18, 2018
imagine being the guy who holds a puppy like such a monster that Vladimir Putin has to come in and save the day pic.twitter.com/k8dZl464NF— J.D. Durkin (@jiveDurkey) October 18, 2018
I've waited until now to bring out my perfect Twitter Halloween name, because I didn't want y'all to feel bad about yours 💀— DEA(nne smi)TH (@DeAnne_Smith) October 19, 2018
me: *jokes about wanting to die*— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) October 19, 2018
person online: my grandma died from death and its NOT funny