This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: October 11, 2019
Β
October 5
My parents do this every time I go back to uni lol this is my fave video EVER the cuties π pic.twitter.com/W4VLaBY2P1
β Holly (@hollyowensxx) October 5, 2019
the media just isn't gonna let this rest until they get the joker inspired shooting spree they want lmao https://t.co/WfYCh4eL61
β laura lux (@DarthLux) October 5, 2019
a damn problem pic.twitter.com/nqqSszkedx
β Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) October 6, 2019
We should file a class action suit against Trump for lost sleep.
β The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) October 5, 2019
They're doing nothing, and they must be stopped! https://t.co/Hjj9Uj7uvf
β southpaw (@nycsouthpaw) October 5, 2019
October 6
Chen Biao: 100% That Trade Daddy π₯ #SNL pic.twitter.com/6XYbDYEOJX
β Saturday Night Live - SNL (@nbcsnl) October 6, 2019
This is a great deal for anyone who is at this airport convenience store and is also a horse. pic.twitter.com/yzMKlyyGjs
β Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) October 6, 2019
Of course the "Stop looking at my dick" sweatpants my daughter bought for herself are $69 pic.twitter.com/oWFKbRLcAB
β Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) October 6, 2019
A cool thing about Twitter is that a lot of you are quite smart and I learn stuff from you. And a lot of you are also very funny and make me lol. The price of enjoying the content of these two groups is sifting through the excruciating stupidity of the dumbest motherfuckers alive
β Ben Dreyfuss (@bendreyfuss) October 6, 2019
Disgusting footage that showcases the current state of the health care system in the US. This is why it's imperative that we all go out and VOTE to make an actual change!! pic.twitter.com/o33OBkiphG
β Gattsu (@ChampagneKony) October 7, 2019
Okay this has to be one of the best tiktok videos I've seen yet π #avengers pic.twitter.com/prMZGCqZWs
β em (@Em_bexxx) October 6, 2019
Wife hates this, but too bad. pic.twitter.com/QRPvbaG7TQ
β Wizzurd (@WizzurdX) October 6, 2019
George Bush said he'd support an amendment to the Constitution to ban same sex marriages, yet here we are.
β FunctioningSadaholic (@JacobDisagrees) October 7, 2019
I keep saying it but again, the rich have class unity, do you? https://t.co/oR0sxJNUts
you've entered: mid to late 20s. these are your choices
β Brandon Wardell (@BRANDONWARDELL) October 6, 2019
a. start a podcast
b. enroll in grad school
c. work at a "chill" startup. you never leave the office but there's a ping pong table and a nap room. they have kombucha on tap in the kitchen
d. start a half-ironic cover band
October 7
boomer: stop renting and just buy a house
β Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 7, 2019
millennial: your asking price is too high
b: so stop spending money on avocado toast
mill: ok we'll save more
b: stop saving you're ruining the economy
mill: ...
b: did you know we did Woodstock
this guy buying a ticket for a book https://t.co/hbXEZnitJy
β Lukile (@_lukile_) October 7, 2019
My cat didn't notice 9/11. https://t.co/TiV6MoOH64
β Chris Regan (@ChrisRRegan) October 8, 2019
The Joker always reflects his era. Heath Ledger's depiction represented fear of pure, nameless chaos and shifting justification. Joaquin Pheonix's depiction reflects anxiety of radicalization and descent into violence. Jared Leto's reflected 2016 was dumb as shit
β Bram Stoker's Menshevik (@MenshevikM) October 7, 2019
Dick's Sporting Goods is doing more to keep Americans safe from assault weapons than Congress. https://t.co/vDxjPMCxt2
β Beto O'Rourke (@BetoORourke) October 7, 2019
Well this certainly LOOKS official. https://t.co/CC7oLGt5cq
β grahamclark (@grahamclark) October 8, 2019
If the Deep State was really a thing, and DEMs controlled it:
β BrooklynDad_Defiant Savage! (@mmpadellan) October 8, 2019
- Hillary would be President
- trump, Pence would be in jail
- Kavanaugh and Bill BarrΒ would be impeached and disbarred
- Obama would be on SCOTUS
- FoxNews would be outlawed
- the pee tapes would play endlessly
Been one year since the best interaction in human history pic.twitter.com/8vqAmDXgiY
β Parker (@panoparker) October 7, 2019
computer: enter password
β rudy mustang (@rudy_mustang) October 7, 2019
me: mypulloutgame
computer: password weak
all 8 of my kids: daddy why are you crying
October 8
I want a Joker type movie, but about the fucked-up circumstances that led that guy to become Mr. Bean
β Joe Rumrill (@2tonbug) October 8, 2019
Hoping Ellen pranks her guests by having Dick Cheney suddenly crawl out from under their seat and shoot them with his gun
β Rajat Suresh (@rajat_suresh) October 8, 2019
I can't get over this. Celebs are insane. pic.twitter.com/wKe2d00LzW
β Bustopher Walken (@Douchetoevsky) October 8, 2019
I just stumbled across an Instagram account which is an exact replica of LeBron's account.. but giraffes. pic.twitter.com/uhhX36lbYS
β NBA Buckets (@NBA_Buckets) October 8, 2019
On this, the eve of #MisterAmerica, I present to you 8 years of @timheidecker interrupting @greggturkington #OnCinema pic.twitter.com/49k31z6KNd
β Justin Gaynor (@justingaynor) October 9, 2019
BREAKING: The president is refusing to be impeached on grounds that if he were impeached, then he would be impeached.
β Randi Great and Unmatched Wisdom Singer (@rmayemsinger) October 8, 2019
Here I am on Conan - May 2017
β Joe List (@JoeListComedy) October 8, 2019
Check out the full set on my website. And for the love of god share this with some friends. Comedy. pic.twitter.com/ag0j2sacpr
museums: why doesn't anyone go to museums anymore
β drewtoothpaste (@drewtoothpaste) October 9, 2019
also museums: thanks for the $22. here are 87 bolted down ipads. tap on them
October 9
Hate when the name of a tv show asks me a question. Am I afraid of the dark? Fuck you. Am I smarter than a fifth grader? Look at me. No.
β vineyille (@vineyille) October 10, 2019
Could just say "fascists"? https://t.co/p7WWqa8UAt
β Lara Witt (@Femmefeministe) October 9, 2019
take on me- a-ha pic.twitter.com/8IUO1hH7Fy
β bill hader dancing to (@billhaderdancin) October 10, 2019
Beard Chomsky rocks pic.twitter.com/RT8BT9Zdxo
β Nando (@nandorvila) October 9, 2019
Every time the George Bush discourse starts anew I repeat this story: I once met a truck driver in Jordan who named his son after the man who threw his shoe at George Bush
β Meher (@_meher) October 9, 2019
JOKER ENDING EXPLAINED! those names were the people who worked on the film
β ΕΊach (@zachsilberberg) October 9, 2019
I aspire to be like the planet and get hotter and hotter until I die
β Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) October 9, 2019
Trey Gowdy looks like Meryl Streep if she was playing a used bookstore cat on Portlandia pic.twitter.com/rHsdSTN8sw
β Matt πswalt (@MattOswaltVA) October 9, 2019
October 10
Tf we supposed to do https://t.co/sFhvExkvhD
β βΩ (@WrongN1K) October 10, 2019
straight friend asked me if gay twitter was a separate app
β ned is a dumb name (@lilbynxh) October 10, 2019
Why didn't the joker ever try CBD or drinking water
β Lil Sasquatch (@lilsasquatch66) October 10, 2019
That morphine drip is a beast...π€π³ππ€£π pic.twitter.com/4aQK5uJHGc
β Rex ChapmanππΌ (@RexChapman) October 10, 2019
The delivery here makes this even funnier pic.twitter.com/Edywcie5Yf
β jordan (@JordanUhl) October 11, 2019
Returned a library book as Elizabeth Warren today pic.twitter.com/URexv2UTMm
β Molly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) October 10, 2019
October 11
this is bad for obvious reasons, but also why is rand paul dressed as austin powers https://t.co/ps9LvoK0R5
β jack allison (@jackallisonLOL) October 11, 2019
Shout out to the top 5 parks in the world, national, state, dog, theme and Rosa.
β George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) October 11, 2019
Dead-end job pic.twitter.com/prdjXrZNvG
β pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) October 12, 2019
Another wooden ball. Would it kill the makers of avocados to include a different toy, like a mood ring or a novelty eraser?
β Steven (with a ph) (@SJKSalisbury) October 11, 2019
I laugh wit tears every time I see this pic.twitter.com/FBcGR2vRvx
β FOST (@GeorgeFoster72) October 11, 2019
me: im depressed
β Christopher Ashman (@CAshmanActor) October 11, 2019
therapist: try a good walk
me: will that work
therapist: yes *subtly gives a 'thumbs up' to my dog*