This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: November 22, 2019
November 16
It takes insane luck to make it in comedy. You need that very rare set of parents who will neglect you emotionally as a child but support you financially as an adult
— Rachel McCartney (@RachelMComedy) November 17, 2019
My husband just walked in, told the dog how cute he is, and how much he loves him. Held his face in his hands, stared into his eyes, and gave him forehead kisses. Then left the room.
— LaLaLyds (@LaLa_Lyds) November 16, 2019
I'm sitting right next to the dog.
The most realistic part of Space Jam was Jordan gambling his entire life on one basketball game.
— anthelonious monk (@a_con) November 17, 2019
who names their daughter pregame https://t.co/4tjGtietyt
— pia🎏 (@BengalGalPia) November 16, 2019
Millennials venmoing the same $20 back and forth until one of us dies. pic.twitter.com/mVdtysafc2
— Katie Maraghy (@KatieMaraghy) November 16, 2019
This was literally a joke in the movie Spaceballs. We live in Spaceballs now https://t.co/yKRQKh6xFG
— Ike Barinholtz (@ikebarinholtz) November 17, 2019
Should've won the revolutionary war bro lmao https://t.co/dVAFiBwQ6b
— Plathanos 🐝🇩🇴 #HIVESZN (@SavinTheBees) November 16, 2019
The GOP should keep telling themselves no one cares. https://t.co/Pyg2Ge71LW
— Neera Tanden (@neeratanden) November 16, 2019
November 17
This is literally our landlord!!!!! Please, our dishwasher is broken!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! https://t.co/ZCGScuhbb7
— 🧷 morag 🧟♀️ (@cam_trnr) November 17, 2019
I regret to inform you Trump went to the hospital due to windmill cancer
— Thor Benson (@thor_benson) November 18, 2019
This didn't go viral on tik tok like I expected it to so I'm giving twitter a try pic.twitter.com/m6a1otzw7p
— john (@yumyumfattime) November 17, 2019
nobody:
— elijah ॐ williams (@tarebutton) November 17, 2019
gmail when you sign in from an unauthorized device: pic.twitter.com/j59FF5Wkem
interesting, when I watched this I actually thought, somebody save this woman https://t.co/Iq78xCieB3
— Krystie Lee Yandoli (@KrystieLYandoli) November 17, 2019
Sorry I'm late traffic is exactly how it's been every day for the past 5 years and I was not expecting that
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) November 18, 2019
IVE BEEN SCREAMING AT THIS FOR THE PAST 5 MINUTES. IM SORRY?!?!!! pic.twitter.com/7QZtpCSngR
— jordainchristian ➐ (@PIMPDADDEEX) November 17, 2019
Brad Pitt hearing Shania Twain for the first time pic.twitter.com/s902XsWSVw
— Adam Hess (@adamhess1) November 17, 2019
November 18
thinking about the signature that says reagan reagan https://t.co/y1qWAPkd2X
— in the air tonight drum fill on table 30sec early (@Lowenaffchen) November 18, 2019
I know a lot of people are attacking Biden over this and I get that he's wrong in terms of actual, available data, but for me marijuana was a gateway drug to ordering a telescope online that I forgot I bought until halfway through a conversation with my bank's fraud division. https://t.co/Rcg53sGxiJ
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) November 18, 2019
remember when Hillary melted straight the fuck down and threw an epic twitter shitfit when asked to testify about Benghazi? of course you don't. she calmly answered questions for eleven straight hours, because she had nothing to hide and she's not a pumpkinhead diaperload manbaby
— Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) November 18, 2019
Superman is an undocumented immigrant https://t.co/FHisBNtrVV
— Adam Serwer🍝 (@AdamSerwer) November 18, 2019
November 19
Why do we have to do this shit for every single thing that happens https://t.co/ChVmKb7dqf
— Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) November 20, 2019
Lakers gotta give this kid a 10-day 😳🔥
— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) November 20, 2019
(via @Lakers) pic.twitter.com/cGNwdvyg1n
The snitch him up 🤣💀😭 pic.twitter.com/u1Rc1Im2H7
— Theo🕊 (@CucumberTonic) November 19, 2019
jerry saw the video lol https://t.co/MAcwSQHHOj
— Jeremy Kaplowitz (@jeremysmiles) November 19, 2019
November 20
my son got in trouble for writing "Christopher Columbus sucked" on his Columbus assignment & saying he would "push him off his boat" & this teacher threatened him w detention, told him that Columbus discovered North Carolina, & straight erased his paper so guess what i get to do
— susanna blessed & highly favored #ProtectMaunaKea (@IndigenousAI) November 21, 2019
One of the funniest, most shade-throwing things about these hearings is Schiff's just total refusal to even pay attention to Nunes batshittery. Just the same whatever dude, "thank the gentleman". Ice cold.
— Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) November 21, 2019
Starting to realize why I have never got my deposit back pic.twitter.com/xXn4BcX6vW
— Krispy Scream (@mitchysuch) November 20, 2019
mayor pete inspired me to do this pic.twitter.com/dFMq7TsEeg
— hasanabi (@hasanthehun) November 20, 2019
Criminals are going to be very excited about this new legal principle that if you verbally deny the crime you are committing while you are committing it, you are innocent.
— Ezra Klein (@ezraklein) November 20, 2019
I had to do it. The Nunes face and expression demanded it. pic.twitter.com/ypULFzmGWQ
— Ellie Hall (@ellievhall) November 20, 2019
slightly concerned that the guy whose main activities are pedophilia and royal duties will no longer be doing royal duties https://t.co/DDq6RyeZHI
— Law Boy, Esq. (@The_Law_Boy) November 20, 2019
Oh shit, 3 POC hosts in a row! https://t.co/QD7Bq3qFgj
— Jacquis (@jacquisneal) November 20, 2019
somebody on twitter today: trump's weird hand-scrawled denial today sounds like a ramones song.
— Alex Kliment (@SaoSasha) November 21, 2019
me: pic.twitter.com/mynZjx0E0M
Jim Jordan: "Do you know what a quid pro quo is?"
— Ryan J. Reilly (@ryanjreilly) November 20, 2019
Guy appointed as an ambassador after donating $1M to Trump's inauguration: "I do."
November 21
Dude you need to get yourself a cast iron skillet. its the exact same as other pans but way heavier and more expensive and you can't ever clean it for some reason
— wife radicalized by STEM (@gloomfather) November 21, 2019
BERNIE VS. BERNIE @BernieSanders @JAdomian @TheUnderculture #NotMeUs pic.twitter.com/eGHhOnq1YS
— James Adomian (@JAdomian) November 21, 2019
My cat had surgery and they shaved his tail pic.twitter.com/8BPugzP8vV
— Don (@Donsutherland97) November 21, 2019
My girlfriend lives over 200 miles away serving life in prison and she just killed her cell mate, 3 guards, broke out and held an Uber driver at gun point for a 4 hour drive just to come see me for an hour. IF THEY WANNA SEE YOU THEY'LL MAKE THE EFFORT
— Devin Wagner (@iamdevinwagner) November 21, 2019
Homegirl got caught in the middle of doing a Tik Tok - and I am dead...😂🤣😭💀💀 pic.twitter.com/CP1IFXQF6a
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) November 21, 2019
All Prince Andrew had to do his whole life was nothing, and he still managed to completely fuck it up. Inspirational
— pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) November 22, 2019
Congratulations on your fake bestseller, @DonaldJTrumpJr https://t.co/24xTvYhQ3i
— Seth Abramson (@SethAbramson) November 21, 2019
nothing in this universe is stronger than the self-control Adam Schiff exhibits whenever Devin Nunes speaks
— shauna (@goldengateblond) November 21, 2019
Also if I was Rudy Giuliani I'd call Maury to find out where Donald Trump was 9 months before this kid was born.👀 https://t.co/QzB0S55fc1
— W. Kamau Bell (@wkamaubell) November 21, 2019
Doesn't this mean that he has followed the rules? https://t.co/9CEEGR5RG9
— Quinta "Pro Quo" Jurecic (@qjurecic) November 21, 2019
UPDATE: Republicans appear to have realized their mistake and removed this sign from the hearing room https://t.co/TYFBYM2BYU
— Lindsay Wise (@lindsaywise) November 21, 2019
November 22
Mr. Trump Gives Jon Voight A Medal
— Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) November 23, 2019
Don liked the way actor @jonvoight spoke about him, so he gave him an award! Pretty cool. pic.twitter.com/MZ2ByCvVab
pay @VicBergerIV for your close up hand work. https://t.co/yD8pDp4scw
— M i s t e r A m e r i c a (@timheidecker) November 22, 2019
Having a great time in Pittsburgh. Here through Sunday @PghImprov pic.twitter.com/8xPNNLlcSq
— Sam Morril (@sammorril) November 23, 2019
is everyone aware of the memes that teens are creating pic.twitter.com/SoWUij3yaN
— bug (@BUGPOSTING) November 23, 2019
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) November 23, 2019
Canadian road rage 😅 pic.twitter.com/T9pehBtrpW
— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden_) November 22, 2019
dude put some tonka truck wheels on a triangle and called it a day
— BAKOON (@BAKKOOONN) November 22, 2019