May 19
May The 19th Not Be Your Nervous Breakdown
— Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) May 19, 2018
when you marry a cvs receipt pic.twitter.com/JmJgj4lGz0
— J.Cyrus (@JCyrus) May 20, 2018
So half of the right is arguing for door control, and the other half is telling teenage girls to have sex with any boy who wants it to prevent mass shootings. Welcome to the modern American conservative movement.
— Jerry (@js_edit) May 20, 2018
May 20
you know, i can do a cartwheel too pic.twitter.com/3ce4GhnDgg
— Humor And Animals (@humorandanimals) May 20, 2018
We really need a mashup DJ equivalent of Chopped
— several gay monsters (@Orcanist) May 21, 2018
"DJs, open your box. Inside you will find:
The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack on vinyl
The stems for Anaconda by Nicki Minaj
A cheese grater
...and a download code for the third volume of Homestuck music
The timer starts now."
Today is a good day to remind everyone that Hillary Clinton has a JD from Yale and Trump can't even spell his wife's name.
— Kaivan Shroff (@KaivanShroff) May 20, 2018
me & my only 2 friends who always like my tweets pic.twitter.com/e58tlf631U
— mister police ⛄️ (@uwebolI) May 20, 2018
May 21
— popular comedy account "the pixelated boat" (@pixelatedboat) May 21, 2018
I think it's hilarious that so many Republicans believe that President Obama sent a spy into the Trump campaign to get dirt, and then didn't use any of the dirt and just let Trump win the election. Brilliant plan!
— Woke Romney (@MoMoneyMitt) May 21, 2018
WAITER: Would you like Parmesan cheese on your meal?
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) May 21, 2018
ME: Yes
WAITER: Say when
ME: Well now makes the most sense
Conservatives will ban schools before they ban guns.
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) May 21, 2018
the existence of Tom Holland and Tom Hollander suggests the existence of a potential Tom Hollandest
— David East (@davideastUK) May 21, 2018
If @BarackObama calls his production company Tan Suit Productions it would be the greatest troll in history.
— Travon Free (@Travon) May 21, 2018
"Go away, this doesn't concern you." pic.twitter.com/vzIuebYjyf
— ANIMALS R US (@Animal_R_Us) May 21, 2018
May 22
Learn a lesson from Jack, kids. Stay in school. @JackPosobiec pic.twitter.com/dyZUX3v329
— Tea Pain (@TeaPainUSA) May 22, 2018
When news anchors mate, do they both cry out "This just in!"?
— Michael McKean (@MJMcKean) May 22, 2018
(HBO pitch meeting)
— Wenzler Powers (@WenzlerPowers) May 23, 2018
Producer: So basically the show is about a bunch of robot cowboys that fuck and fight each other
HBO Executive: Wow, that sounds like a lot of fun!
Producer: It won't be!
Do I agree with everything Tomi Lahren has to say? No.
— Josh (@joshnorthsouth) May 23, 2018
But do I feel that she should be able to visit my city without having a drink thrown at her during brunch? Also no.
May 23
This is the headline to beat today. pic.twitter.com/D8ZQ9Au7oc
— Maggie Serota (@maggieserota) May 23, 2018
time to go viral by writing an obvious thing in all caps a bunch of times.
— bobby (@bobby) May 24, 2018
repeat after me.
IT'S WRONG TO MICROWAVE A CHILD.
IT'S WRONG TO MICROWAVE A CHILD.
IT'S WRONG TO MICROWAVE A CHILD.
IT'S WRONG TO MICROWAVE A CHILD.
IT'S WRONG TO MICROWAVE A CHILD.
OH NO I HAVE PURCHASED AN UNHEALTHY FOOD
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) May 23, 2018
THIS WAS A MISTAKE
NOW I HAVE TO EAT ALL OF IT VERY QUICKLY SO THAT IT IS BANISHED FROM MY HOME
Tomi Lahren spells her name like it was already taken on AOL.
— Daniel Kibblesmith ☃️ (@kibblesmith) May 23, 2018
Say hello to the NFL's newest ref! pic.twitter.com/qf1YMSdYcQ
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) May 24, 2018
NFL is pretty chill when it comes to violence against women and brain damage but i guess free speech is where they draw the line
— your own personal jesus (@Kappa_Kappa) May 23, 2018
[cloud watching]
— Consider John frazzled (@FrazzleMyGimp) May 23, 2018
GIRLFRIEND: That one looks like a ring.
ME: I think it looks like two people taking it slow despite the pregnancy.
The airport is a lawless place. 7am? Drink a beer. Tired? Sleep on the floor. Hungry? Chips now cost $17
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) May 23, 2018
May 24
— Rian Johnson (@rianjohnson) May 24, 2018
Transcript of my exclusive interview with @ArmsControlWonk pic.twitter.com/OtZSo7MrV5
— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) May 24, 2018
Sorry I couldn't hang out this week, I was reading the updated privacy policy from every website I've ever visited
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) May 25, 2018
May 25
Love to hear from the "pro-life" crowd about how they feel about losing almost 1500 children.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 25, 2018
I mean I get both sides but we can't really know how bad throwing a drink at Tomi Lahren is until we try throwing other stuff at her.
— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) May 25, 2018
