May 12
I have had it up to here with animals pic.twitter.com/HHbeAyOC7Z
— Zdzisław Palaszczuk (@grime_lord) May 12, 2018
"Should I roll one or two blunts?"
— Stoned 2 the Bone (@stoned2thabones) May 12, 2018
Me: pic.twitter.com/otQecUnIj7
May 13
George W. Bush reminds me of 1 million dead Iraqis. pic.twitter.com/37Gr1Hx7Dr
— Saeen (@_Saeen_) May 14, 2018
The opening crawl for Solo has leaked. Ugh. I'm sick of Disney pandering to SJWs: pic.twitter.com/BivdNLjFS4
— popular comedy account "the pixelated boat" (@pixelatedboat) May 14, 2018
May 14
I like how the most essential part of a surprise party is gaslighting the person into believing you don't care about them
— Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) May 14, 2018
People have asked me what it's like to do standup as a progressive man of color during the Trump era. This piece of audio is from an incident that happened last Saturday night (5/12/18) in Ann Arbor, MI and gives you a small taste of what it's like. https://t.co/oyVqhgOTOP
— Hari Kondabolu (@harikondabolu) May 14, 2018
Cop: We've found the man who stole your identity and was impersonating you
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) May 14, 2018
Me: Where was he?
Cop: Eating Cheetos and crying in his car
Me *impressed* he really went for it
Ladies & Gentlemen: SCOTT FOSTER! pic.twitter.com/hChYnpeSor
— Rob Perez (@World_Wide_Wob) May 15, 2018
I took every shot from behind-the-scenes featurettes where Dr. Strange is in front of a greenscreen, and edited him into a waterpark. pic.twitter.com/kiD8JTZLgH
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) May 15, 2018
May 15
1970 - Russ Meyer tried to make a screenplay more credible by randomly crediting Tom Wolfe. He was sued. pic.twitter.com/hOXZA5ElGL
— Kliph Nesteroff (@ClassicShowbiz) May 15, 2018
Wait, are you telling me that tweeting some crazy shit at a fellow madman wasn't the magic solution to a nuclear challenge that's eluded presidents of both parties for decades?
— Jon Favreau (@jonfavs) May 16, 2018
— Paul Feig (@paulfeig) May 15, 2018
May 16
the people who stole preoccupations' gear have also released a statement:
— Michael Rancic (@therewasnosound) May 16, 2018
"We truly appreciate the seriousness of the feedback we've received, and we will continue to be open to listening to issues and concerns from all perspectives."
Do you think the people who founded GoFundMe understood they were starting a healthcare company?
— anne v clark (@annevclark) May 16, 2018
Yanni or Laurel? Don't ask me. I can't hear sh*t
— Marlee Matlin (@MarleeMatlin) May 17, 2018
When u did not major in history pic.twitter.com/PvztNJQ9wM
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) May 17, 2018
— popular comedy account "the pixelated boat" (@pixelatedboat) May 17, 2018
The woman who pooed on the floor of that Tim Hortons reminds me a bit of Strombo. Both are a bit edgy, both are a bit 'metal', and both are canucks who can get people talking!
— James Hartnett (@jameshartnett) May 16, 2018
Fingers crossed that the Queen biopic has lots of scenes where Brian May studies astrophysics and teaches the rest of the band about astrophysics.
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) May 16, 2018
Michael Keaton closed his commencement speech at Kent State with "I'm Batman."
— TODD SPENCE (@Todd_Spence) May 16, 2018
And this is why Michael Keaton is the best. pic.twitter.com/20H1B99aCl
May 17
when I say ''fuck the police'' or ''fuck ICE'' and you say, ''hey, my dad is a cop,'' that still includes your dad
— towanda forever (@holyscum) May 17, 2018
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing us that racism is just disagreement.
— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) May 18, 2018
The New York Post caught up with that racist lawyer Aaron Schlossberg — and it was ugly pic.twitter.com/AlUdqwm3UN
— Jon Levine (@LevineJonathan) May 17, 2018
May 18
This is getting too easy. What an absolute train wreck this guy is. EVERY time!!! #Embarrassment #TimeForPasture #DazedConfused #Basta
— Michael Avenatti (@MichaelAvenatti) May 18, 2018
Unfair!' Rudy Giuliani explodes when CNN's Cuomo plays clip of him saying presidents must obey subpoenas https://t.co/AszT6ZZx9D via rawstory
Hey, Marty and I have our new NetFlix show on at the end of the month. This month, not just any month. Here's a trailer. The only trailer. All other trailers are fake trailers. @NetflixIsAJoke pic.twitter.com/2tdbtxuPtq
— Steve Martin (@SteveMartinToGo) May 18, 2018
