A very happy looking spoon, Bryan Adams might be a racist loon, Michael Jordan should dunk on coronavirus soon, pondering different Sir Mix-a-Lot moons, and much more from this week in funny tweets.<br>
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<b>May 9</b><br>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Reading news from South Korea and Germany feels like seeing career updates from more successful people your age</p>
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheDweck/status/1259268748801802240?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">the meals i cook at home, where i am like, "huh, pretty good!" if i were served that exact meal in a restaurant? i'd throw a brick through the window</p>
— Jen Statsky (@jenstatsky) <a href="https://twitter.com/jenstatsky/status/1259332943324917761?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 10, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">The Tyra Banks show was actually psychotic lmaooo <a href="https://t.co/piZYoVkPLo">pic.twitter.com/piZYoVkPLo</a></p>
— Messica Simpson (@helloryry) <a href="https://twitter.com/helloryry/status/1259217416401412096?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">The last thing the world wants right now is raw, unsanitized bat. <a href="https://t.co/mf3VaZTz3D">https://t.co/mf3VaZTz3D</a></p>
— Robby Slowik (@RobbySlowik) <a href="https://twitter.com/RobbySlowik/status/1259262822892163081?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">One of the all-time great clips from Little Richard... <a href="https://t.co/O8SArV3rCC">pic.twitter.com/O8SArV3rCC</a></p>
— Childless Gambino (@Mr_Xecutive) <a href="https://twitter.com/Mr_Xecutive/status/1259144336861736960?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<b>May 10 </b>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">someone tell Michael Jordan the coronavirus said it was better than him</p>
— david ehrlich (@davidehrlich) <a href="https://twitter.com/davidehrlich/status/1259665768284905475?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 11, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Sorry, I just don't get it <a href="https://t.co/OicQvl3m5i">pic.twitter.com/OicQvl3m5i</a></p>
— Frail Old Woman (@TheHubrisGuy) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheHubrisGuy/status/1259393781754806272?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 10, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">The Last Dance just keeps getting better <a href="https://t.co/557bGh13bu">pic.twitter.com/557bGh13bu</a></p>
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) <a href="https://twitter.com/ben_rosen/status/1259623871285653504?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 10, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Remember when Vanessa Hudgens got in trouble for saying, "It's a virus, I get it, like, I respect it, but at the same time I'm like, even if everybody gets it, like yeah, people are going to die, which is terrible but like, inevitable?" and then that became U.S. policy?</p>
— Gianmarco Soresi (@GianmarcoSoresi) <a href="https://twitter.com/GianmarcoSoresi/status/1259619527488348164?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 10, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">My mom is a prosecutor and every year she brings up the fact that Mother's Day is the day with the lowest crime. I think that says a lot about how many moms commit crimes throughout the year, but can't today because they're too busy being celebrated.</p>
— Fin (@gofinurself) <a href="https://twitter.com/gofinurself/status/1259520758033891343?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 10, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<b>May 11</b><br>
 
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">...thus proving that squats and push-ups can be done anywhere...? <a href="https://t.co/9wGAiZTR3f">https://t.co/9wGAiZTR3f</a></p>
— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) <a href="https://twitter.com/chelseaperetti/status/1259905922337390592?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 11, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">BRYAN ADAMS: 🎶 wrote my first real racist tweet / my career already in decline / blaming the Chinese for my lack of income / was the summer of COVID one-nine 🎶 <a href="https://t.co/gvy9k4XlEc">pic.twitter.com/gvy9k4XlEc</a></p>
— Born Miserable (@bornmiserable) <a href="https://twitter.com/bornmiserable/status/1260045153374359553?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 12, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I like big butts and I cannot lie.<br>
My brother likes small butts and cannot tell the truth.<br>
We each guard a door, one leads to the biggest of butts, the other to certain death.<br>
<br>
SOLVE YE NOW THE DILEMMA OF MIX-A-LOT.</p>
— Mobile Suit GunDan HeavyArms (@DanUmthun) <a href="https://twitter.com/DanUmthun/status/1260009307459842050?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 12, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">what <a href="https://t.co/k6KvZT1Dc6">pic.twitter.com/k6KvZT1Dc6</a></p>
— carter hambley (@carterhambley) <a href="https://twitter.com/carterhambley/status/1260052112991543296?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 12, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/5hvpB7BwbB">pic.twitter.com/5hvpB7BwbB</a></p>
— Christian Spieldenner (@swankysilkworm) <a href="https://twitter.com/swankysilkworm/status/1259923309506027526?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 11, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">michael jordans competitiveness was next level <a href="https://t.co/XjDtgW4yy8">pic.twitter.com/XjDtgW4yy8</a></p>
— sean mcgowan (@seanmacgo) <a href="https://twitter.com/seanmacgo/status/1259962109611446273?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 11, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Still thinking about when I began an email to my tutor with "I hope you had a good weekend" and he just replied "Hi Alice, I didn't"</p>
— Alice (@etabecila) <a href="https://twitter.com/etabecila/status/1259875135449751552?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 11, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<b>May 12 </b>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Fuck it. I'm doing it: Men of Middle Earth as bad ex boyfriends who ruined your life:</p>
— Alex Arrelia (@AlexArrelia) <a href="https://twitter.com/AlexArrelia/status/1260280698390425605?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 12, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Wine glasses are wild. Like "Oh, drunky wants a drink? Here, have this THIN GLASS STICK w/ a bowl of liquid on top."</p>
— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) <a href="https://twitter.com/ArielDumas/status/1260396543682764801?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 13, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">sometimes tiktok is good <a href="https://t.co/A37aYQyiPi">pic.twitter.com/A37aYQyiPi</a></p>
— 𝙨𝙝𝙧𝙞𝙢𝙥 𝙗𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙝 (@shrimpbinch) <a href="https://twitter.com/shrimpbinch/status/1260243722169655297?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 12, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">my wife witnessed a miracle today &amp; yelled across the house with an urgency that had me sprinting. I thought something terrible had happened but when i came into the kitchen she said: Look... <a href="https://t.co/KHw0XsQLJU">pic.twitter.com/KHw0XsQLJU</a></p>
— Matthew Burnside (@MatthewBurnsid7) <a href="https://twitter.com/MatthewBurnsid7/status/1260289800512442378?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 12, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Quarantine fun with the kiddos.<br>
<br>
Wait for it... <a href="https://t.co/WnsMtvKZqx">pic.twitter.com/WnsMtvKZqx</a></p>
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) <a href="https://twitter.com/RexChapman/status/1260418249646276610?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 13, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<b>May 13 </b>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I dunno guys. I'm hard pressed to see how this was a massive deep state coup when Obama warned Trump directly, to his face, about Flynn. That's not super secret spy work.</p>
— Amanda Carpenter (@amandacarpenter) <a href="https://twitter.com/amandacarpenter/status/1260658318541905920?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 13, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Can you imagine Ronald Reagan mishandling the response to a new, deadly virus? <a href="https://t.co/5Uohv5LiRE">https://t.co/5Uohv5LiRE</a></p>
— Liam Stack (@liamstack) <a href="https://twitter.com/liamstack/status/1260559796018823171?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 13, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">i would like to talk about this video of snoop dogg listening to the frozen soundtrack in his parked car <a href="https://t.co/v46yLAwFwl">pic.twitter.com/v46yLAwFwl</a></p>
— amy brown (@arb) <a href="https://twitter.com/arb/status/1260613289769222144?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 13, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Run out of gloves during quarantine? Just use chicken skins! <a href="https://t.co/1HumRQTAPa">pic.twitter.com/1HumRQTAPa</a></p>
— Tony Sloth's Pro Stoner (@SeattleSloth_) <a href="https://twitter.com/SeattleSloth_/status/1260568081446944780?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 13, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">She like 600months old <a href="https://t.co/8n96RZCXI5">https://t.co/8n96RZCXI5</a></p>
— Juan Pablo 🎖 (@SnipedPaulie) <a href="https://twitter.com/SnipedPaulie/status/1260698583910748161?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 13, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Roger Ebert just absolutely bodying an entire subset of nerds <a href="https://t.co/EkRJN6W0HZ">pic.twitter.com/EkRJN6W0HZ</a></p>
— Jacob deNobel (@Jacob_deNobel) <a href="https://twitter.com/Jacob_deNobel/status/1260677674663415809?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 13, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<b>May 14 </b>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Remember precedented times? Those fucking ruled.</p>
— Michael Schaub (@michaelschaub) <a href="https://twitter.com/michaelschaub/status/1261090970273296384?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 15, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">This is why the internet was created <a href="https://t.co/CQ5hePpBQV">pic.twitter.com/CQ5hePpBQV</a></p>
— Brad Kelly (@BradKelly17) <a href="https://twitter.com/BradKelly17/status/1260940714826969088?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 14, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I thought my stimulus check came in the mail today and it was a warrent for my arrest 😩</p>
— P ♡ (@queenpalba) <a href="https://twitter.com/queenpalba/status/1261157686428569601?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 15, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Me: fully knows that gf bread means gluten free bread<br>
<br>
My smooth brain: girlfriend bread :)</p>
— shev (@cardamummy) <a href="https://twitter.com/cardamummy/status/1260815894449582081?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 14, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">How to more cases than anybody in the world <a href="https://t.co/VA9bPJiQ6i">pic.twitter.com/VA9bPJiQ6i</a></p>
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) <a href="https://twitter.com/sarahcpr/status/1261085326887604224?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 15, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<b>May 15 </b>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">owned <a href="https://t.co/UcCDva68EH">pic.twitter.com/UcCDva68EH</a></p>
— Ad Infinitum (@Ad_Inifinitum) <a href="https://twitter.com/Ad_Inifinitum/status/1261303166148149250?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 15, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">When u order a pizza it's fun to specify extra round</p>
— Sara Hennessey (@sara_hennessey) <a href="https://twitter.com/sara_hennessey/status/1261348385744797697?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 15, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">It's 2006. I'm working at Esquire, assigned to write about George Clooney. He invites me to his house. Now, understand something: Celebrities never invite you to their house. Except for George Clooney, apparently. The house! Amazing.</p>
— Chris Jones (@EnswellJones) <a href="https://twitter.com/EnswellJones/status/1261340757207642112?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 15, 2020</a></blockquote>
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Vish Khanna

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: May 15, 2020

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