This
— Julie Ann Horvath (@nrrrdcore) March 4, 2018
website is
freeeeeeeeee pic.twitter.com/qyVKe5hVSE
MAZEL TOV, @POTUS! We didn't think you could do it but in just ONE year you've played more golf than Reagan, Kennedy, Truman, Carter, George W. Bush, and your boy Andrew Jackson COMBINED! I can't think of a better reason for us to spend $56,014,937! Amazing day for the USA! https://t.co/n0xae7A569
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) March 3, 2018
My daughter just tried pizza for the first time. pic.twitter.com/yiPNJgUBJg
— Jody Avirgan (@jodyavirgan) March 3, 2018
March 4I'm at the mall w my daughter & her cousin, and, bc I cramp their style, my kid has asked me walk behind them at a distance. So now I'm just a 51 yo man following two 12 yo girls around a mall
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) March 3, 2018
I bet he won't pass it! #iwasntgonnawatchbutisawthis pic.twitter.com/B5qc1J8Nrb
— Leslie Jones 🦋 (@Lesdoggg) March 5, 2018
Kobe Bryant: 1
— Ben Mankiewicz (@BenMank77) March 5, 2018
Alfred Hitchcock: 0
Cary Grant: 0
Peter O'Toole: 0
Richard Burton: 0
Barbara Stanwyck: 0
Susan Lucci: 0@tcm #Oscars
A mood: pic.twitter.com/7v0ZesAofd
— N'Timi, son of M'Baku (@UncleTimi) March 4, 2018
What a touching acceptance speech from Guillermo del Toro! pic.twitter.com/YmMdZcAtPR
— pixelated boat [ASMR] binaural ~4 hours~ (@pixelatedboat) March 5, 2018
men are incredible. he even started it with actually *chef's kiss* pic.twitter.com/BJTPNBRN92
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) March 5, 2018
March 5Mark Hamill introducing himself to Gal Gadot is pretty much the highlight of the #Oscars pic.twitter.com/86HrCM18Ut
— Red (@SurvivingGrady) March 5, 2018
So nervous, can't believe he's coming to the show tonight pic.twitter.com/VtVg4tUTJN
— Mark Forward (@MarkForwardd) March 5, 2018
ahhh I can't get a date because I'm a shitty person who sucks ass pic.twitter.com/YBOQuqBqcX
— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) March 5, 2018
RT to die instantly pic.twitter.com/vBhm3lm2qx
— Dream Reamer (@Dream_Reamer) March 5, 2018
"You think I'm going to jail?"
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) March 5, 2018
- Sam Nunberg, the second he realized he was going to jail. pic.twitter.com/SLYrroj9Vy
Hold up... pic.twitter.com/KzrkaaPZZs
— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) March 6, 2018
Oh, mate pic.twitter.com/Sib9N1MKJ7
— Becca (@pangopup) March 5, 2018
California Gov. Jerry Brown took office in 2011 with a $27 billion deficit. He won voter support for huge tax hikes on the rich in 2012, and voters reauthorized them in 2016. Brown leaves office w/a $6.1 billion surplus.
— John Nichols (@NicholsUprising) March 6, 2018
Take a note: Taxing the rich works. https://t.co/urzKR1QWic
March 6Twitter deleted my video so here I am posting it again for the CULTURE pic.twitter.com/GaDI0T2jEZ
— Subtweet Shawn (@1ShawnT) March 5, 2018
The porn star who had an affair with the president is suing him because he forgot to sign the NDA his idiot lawyer drew up without an alias, which also describes "still images" sent in the affair and Jesus Christ I do not have enough bourbon in this house right now.
— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) March 7, 2018
Donald Trump cheated on his pregnant 3rd wife with a porn star, Stormy Daniels, who's now suing him.
— Emilia (@PoliticalEmilia) March 7, 2018
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the man who won the Evangelical vote.
first they came for the muslims and i did nothing
— m i t h (@ManInTheHoody) March 7, 2018
then they came for the mexicans and i did nothing
then they came for women and i did nothing
then they wanted tariffs so i resigned
-a short poem by Gary Cohn
really down to only the most loyal advisers at this point pic.twitter.com/QMF6X5Tzcw
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) March 6, 2018
We're in The Bad Place pic.twitter.com/HHK4uDRoVu
— Brodie Lancaster (@brodielancaster) March 7, 2018
March 7i always wonder why twitter is free when it blesses us with moments like this pic.twitter.com/bH8kXgePbt
— c 🐾 (@marveljedi) March 6, 2018
Amazing, Norman Rockwell invented Twitter pic.twitter.com/NZRenxlUMr
— Kate Preusser (@1nceagain2zelda) March 7, 2018
tweet: why tf is this squirrel on my flight
— reaghan (@reaghanhunt) March 7, 2018
quote tweet from account called "squirrel on plane": i paid for my ticket mind ur business
150k RTS 400K FAVS
300 replies
-you win the internet today sir🤣
-[reaction gif]
-[notice of meme acquisition]
-[meme acquisition rejection]
Like, do male writers get these kinds of responses? pic.twitter.com/SDjfJ6HEaS
— Maris Kreizman (@mariskreizman) March 7, 2018
With all these headlines, I just assumed Steel Tariffs was Stormy Daniel's co-star.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) March 8, 2018
March 8God: I'm bored. What if Watergate and the Lewinsky scandal were happening at the same time but — get this — this time, everyone's dumb as shit
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) March 8, 2018
it's called soft crossfit and it's going really well thank you. pic.twitter.com/qj9uuljEXo
— Clint Falin (@ClintFalin) March 8, 2018
my work here is done pic.twitter.com/olLcZCsDLK
— Greg Beef (@vrunt) March 7, 2018
my son asked why the mcdonald's arches were flipped over and i told him Ronald died
— ceeks (@70Ceeks) March 8, 2018
— Bootleg Stuff (@Bootleg_Stuff) March 9, 2018
Trump: Your father is looking down, he's very proud of you.
— jordan (@JordanUhl) March 8, 2018
Steelworker: Oh, he's still alive
😳 pic.twitter.com/wm75sor50i
March 9This lady sat down in front of my homie during Black Panther. He text me asking what he should say. I said "Not a damn thing." Gotta take an L for the culture. Plus, Anyone sneaking in a whole bag of Tostitos AND the salsa got nothing to lose. pic.twitter.com/o0EijLBdA5
— Roy Wood Jr- Ex Jedi (@roywoodjr) March 8, 2018
David Brooks: College kids are a mob of unruly leftists.
— (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March 9, 2018
Chris Cillizza: Trump's presidency is the best reality show ever.
Tucker Carlson: America isn't paying enough attention to men.
The collective noun for a group of clueless, entitled white dudes is an Actually.
video games are very bad bc they promote guns, which by the way are very good
— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) March 9, 2018
I'm consistently overthanked for Friday.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 9, 2018