This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: March 2, 2018
Just spotted a cat on someone's porch, miaowing to be let in. Without thinking, I walked up to the door, rang the bell, nodded to the cat and left. It was only I rounded the corner I realised what I'd done as I heard the owner shouting FUCK ME SARAH THE CAT JUST RANG THE DOORBELL— Philip Larkin (@philiplarkin) February 24, 2018
This guy sent me this, and then blocked me.— Emilia (@PoliticalEmilia) February 24, 2018
So I'll respond here😊
I have a 4.66 GPA.
I'm taking four college level classes, at 14 years old.
I'm not stupid.
I think I'll worry and talk about whatever I want, thank you very much. pic.twitter.com/Vu2IwscPpe
Let this sink in:— Allen Marshall (@AllenCMarshall) February 25, 2018
The children who survived last week's mass shooting are now getting death threats from NRA supporters.
*watches slumdog millionaire once* pic.twitter.com/bOLnvK3a9G— Ziwe (@ziwe) February 25, 2018
KID's Top 4 LEAST-FAVORITE STAR WARS TOYS— Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) February 26, 2018
A) Luke Skywalker Off-Camera in Ugly Blue Sweater Featured In No Movie -- EVER
B) Cuddly Sarlaac Devours Victim Pillow
C) 3PO Show Me Where He Touched You Tape-Dispenser
D) R2-D2 Does Nothing But Hold An Egg-Cup pic.twitter.com/JS6hYMd0M6
Why are people defending the 2nd Amendment so scared of children armed only with the 1st Amendment?— Luisa Haynes (@wokeluisa) February 26, 2018
Loved me some #BlackPanther. Sure, raccoons and trees got superheroes first, but I'll take it!— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) February 25, 2018
It looks like this guy just quit comedy. pic.twitter.com/qil3hM4Wg5— Joe List (@JoeListComedy) February 25, 2018
when i make a typo in a tweet and people start to interact with it before i get a chance to delete and remake it pic.twitter.com/HMf3tZy4YQ— Ty (@STRAYEDAWAY) February 26, 2018
Every headline on the internet pic.twitter.com/v3YqSSk08E— Ernie Smith (@ShortFormErnie) February 26, 2018
happy anniversary pic.twitter.com/nnx0L6VLHt— nαdjα (@leiasjedi) February 26, 2018
only in louisiana will you walk outside to find your dog fighting a crawfish. pic.twitter.com/Q017t1uFlI— saydayoungan ✨ (@sayloravaraa) February 26, 2018
alex jones weepily begging a child to be nicer to him is suddenly the only kind of content I care about pic.twitter.com/omsFsmWSZZ— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) February 27, 2018
Ivanka Trump yanking my niece Emma out of her orthopedic shoes to give them to a billionaire. pic.twitter.com/OQB4SS6UCm— rob delaney (@robdelaney) February 27, 2018
Trump just said he finds his young son watching violent images and asks "how is this possible?"— Lawrence O'Donnell (@Lawrence) February 28, 2018
Wild guess: bad parenting?
the world has become a dead kennedys album cover pic.twitter.com/R3at2qVLRE— Dan Ozzi (@danozzi) March 1, 2018
i can't stop laughing help me pic.twitter.com/O1F7OZVXsn— Kat Kuhl (@wolvesarekuhl) February 28, 2018
I know things seem crazy here today, but don't forget there is a Belarussian escort w known ties to Oleg Deripaska in a Thai prison who says she can bring down Trump & Trump Org employees have locked themselves in a Trump hotel in Panama and are in an armed standoff w police.— Ken Gude (@KenGude) February 28, 2018
have just discovered Russian federation senator Valentina Petrenko's hair and need to share this news pic.twitter.com/vPXaolG0lV— Alex Bruce-Smith (@alexbrucesmith) March 1, 2018
BARISTA: what can I get you— A girl has no name (@This_is_a_dm) March 1, 2018
ME: medium roast please
B: ok, your gray roots are getting obvious and you have the silhouette of a potato
M: *under breath* damn
I CANT BREATHE pic.twitter.com/s8Ron3Uyu1— sandra (@louistomIinsan) March 2, 2018
Wow, LeBron. pic.twitter.com/EYXvUVCmak— Yahoo Sports NBA (@YahooSportsNBA) March 2, 2018
no name is the gem of Canada. every product is so unbelievably ominous i really laugh my ass off every time i go shopping pic.twitter.com/RK4lxkZqLC— katie🎀 (@piranhapIant) March 1, 2018
Trump says trade wars "are easy to win."— Kurt Eichenwald (@kurteichenwald) March 2, 2018
...ssame guy who said his casinos, airline, mortgage company, steak line, clothing company, housewares company etc. would be "great successes." All flopped.
The man knows NOTHING about bizness or economics. Everyone loses in a trade war.
Putin is making coy nuclear threats and China now has a forever president. I'm no expert in foreign policy, but this certainly seems like enemy powers getting ready to slap us in the face with their dicks.— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) March 2, 2018