As per my last email, 1980s? phone for sale, the speaker unveiled, Canadian politician fails, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

March 18

My coworker pulled the grill cloth off some "vintage speakers" and found this pic.twitter.com/DumrqmFXPL
— stu (@rinbcage) March 19, 2022

I didn't know Hunter Biden had a child with a stripper. There's a kid out there whose mom was a stripper and whose grandpa is the president
— Ali (@haramcart) March 18, 2022

Netflix in her last ankle bag ngl like you already lost all the marvels, now u telling us no sharing with family, you keep canceling shows and u raising the price again? hang it up
— SALINA (@REDSEASHAWTY) March 19, 2022

The male urge to soak a pan until someone else washes it.
— Jacque Gorelick (@jacgorelick) March 18, 2022

My wife and I's friend booked us a table at a restaurant called The Manhattan Project and I'M the bad guy for asking if it's a fusion restaurant? That's a 10/10 joke
— Pete Stegemeyer (@itspeterj) March 19, 2022

March 19

one of my favorite things is when 22 year olds say "imagine being 35 with socials". What grand and life fulfilling different thing do you think you're gonna be doing at 35 buddy, this is all there is and it's only gonna get worse
— bfa agonistes (@superloafcat) March 19, 2022

the shift key is the most useless key on the keyboard. it doesn't do anything. don't 2 me
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) March 20, 2022

boy am I glad we didn't raise minimum wage it would be so bad if everything was more expensive now
— Lauren Hough (@laurenthehough) March 20, 2022

I totally respect you're not religious, darling, as nor am I. If you could at least wait until I'm fucking dead though that'd be smashing. https://t.co/05sbPD4mo8
— Tim Curry (@NotTheTimCurry) March 19, 2022

Today The People's Convoy was defeated by one person riding a bike in downtown DC. pic.twitter.com/gZTYZs1xfl
— Zachary Petrizzo (@ZTPetrizzo) March 19, 2022

Robert Pattinson, everybody. 👏👍 pic.twitter.com/Dqpq8RUD0k
— Jim Cummings (@jimmycthatsme) March 19, 2022

My daughter said she can't wait to have kids. I asked her why and she said "so they can bring me stuff when it's in another room."
— Holly Ballantine (@HollyBallantine) March 19, 2022

pic.twitter.com/em6NxhFUpi
— James Fridman (@fjamie013) March 19, 2022

Ok I was very high last night pic.twitter.com/lXLMK5JC44
— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) March 19, 2022

March 20

This broke me. pic.twitter.com/qgnUmKyyju
— Soren Spicknall (@SorenSpicknall) March 20, 2022

Selling my degree. Still in good condition.Never been used.
— Netsoe🌹 (@Netsoe_) March 20, 2022

For all the people that think they are bad at responding to emails:
I emailed a professor 12 years ago asking about source recommendations for a paper I was writing for a class during my undergrad. He replied to my email TODAY.
— Hannah Jung (@academijung) March 20, 2022

My favorite genre of sxsw insta stories is bartenders and servers posting which cheap ass celebrities didn't tip
— Lauren Hough (@laurenthehough) March 20, 2022

towing is actually a wild concept bc why are you taking my car
— badgyalchichi (@adannayaaa) March 20, 2022

Canadian politicians on any really important issue, like creating deeply affordable housing or addressing climate change pic.twitter.com/OWhEnXwHKS
— A.W. Peet (@AWPeet2) March 20, 2022

catholic school be like "no long hair for boys" meanwhile there is a picture of a boy with long hair for boys in every classroom. And hes like the main boy
— holly "high endothelial venule" plantjoys (@plantjoys) March 20, 2022

March 21

Valid criticism of millennials pic.twitter.com/YPeGK0BeOL
— 2Terrible 2Dumb (@TokyoDilf) March 22, 2022

i hate that my dad is afraid to show emotion pic.twitter.com/dFg1xi9xq9
— ryan kahl (@IdiotRyanKahl) March 22, 2022

The eight most beautiful words in the English language pic.twitter.com/ITHZzSsReZ
— Will Sloan (@WillSloanEsq) March 22, 2022

i think Jennifer Coolidge should have been the Batman
— devastating ghost (@warlock333333) March 21, 2022

Should've built the fence a little higher/better. Whatever
— Jurassic Park Updates (@JurassicPark2go) March 22, 2022

Dog thinks there's only one squirrel in the world and so every time she sees it she's like "that's that guy I was telling you about!"
— David Iserson (@davidiserson) March 22, 2022

We removed all COVID restrictions, including indoor masking. So why are cases rising?
— CBC Pitchbot (Satire) (@CBCPitchbot) March 21, 2022

Well it happened, someone had a big issue w me wearing a mask…on public transport.

I DON'T have the energy today. So I looked them in the eye & just kept putting more and masks on over my original mask until she got so frustrated she finally walked away. I think I got to 4 or 5
— Layla Benson (@BaelaLayla) March 21, 2022

business travel is fake. you don't need to go there
— internethimbo (@InternetHippo) March 21, 2022

This made me laugh more than it should have 😁 pic.twitter.com/eYbHQA6x97
— Jabs 🌻 (@CyberSnark) March 21, 2022

Man at the garage today saying miss do you know 3 of your tyres are bald?? Listen sir I'll tell you what I know about this car.. it's black x
— Charlynne Richards 🤍 (@Charlynne__) March 21, 2022

March 22

Car rental agreement says if I don't bring it back full, they'll charge $3.99/gallon

Gas here is $6/gallon
— Mila Carditis (@GrainSurgeon) March 22, 2022

babe r u okay u didnt say cows when u saw cows
— pigeon (@fringeffect) March 22, 2022

i don't understand why white ppl would want to use AAVE when they have terms like "watch it buster" or "oh for pete's sake", or my personal favorite "why i oughta", these are so fun to hear
— abs (@tropicanapussy) March 22, 2022

If I were the host of this show it would be over in like a minute. I know where Italy is pic.twitter.com/MZALi7WoZ4
— Zach Dunn (@zachbdunn) March 22, 2022

School is like ok lemme get you up to speed on all the wars you missed before you go to your job forever
— Sam Taggart (@samttaggart) March 22, 2022

So to sum up, the "truckers" got O'Toole removed, Pat King arrested, and united the Liberals and NDP. #cdnpoli
— Moe Jr (@mhashimjr) March 22, 2022

Are we all saving gift bags bc we saw our moms do it or am I the only one getting yelled at by my husband?
— Megan Gailey (@megangailey) March 23, 2022

I can't get over the fact that Ted Cruz yelled at Montana airport employees "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" and they had to call the cops on him because he was so pissed that he was missing his flight back to DC to ask Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson if babies are racist
— Laura Bassett (@LEBassett) March 22, 2022

March 23

Was really hating this gritty reboot of Hee Haw until I realized it was the Ketanji Brown Jackson confirmation hearings.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) March 23, 2022

dudes at house parties: this song was on Tony Hawk Pro Skater
— 𝓥𝓮𝓻𝓸𝓷𝓲𝓬𝓪 (@friedurethra) March 23, 2022

Whoa! pic.twitter.com/UXg7nDnMuu
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) March 23, 2022

i guess he's with jod now pic.twitter.com/7EhJMYBEdR
— andy™ (@andylevy) March 23, 2022

March 24

a funny subtype of right wing guy is guy who thinks he's bad ass because he eats meat. posting a picture of yourself eating a steak like "that's right i bought this at the store"
— internethimbo (@InternetHippo) March 24, 2022

My mom doesn't think I have adhd bc it doesn't run in the family pic.twitter.com/qIOOSSxyHp
— connor Wood (@fibulaa) March 24, 2022

I was robbed at a gas station in NJ last night. After my hands stopped trembling..I managed to call the cops and they were quick to respond and calmed me down..... My money is gone.. the police asked me if I knew who did it..I said yes.. it was pump number 9…
— ICE T (@FINALLEVEL) March 24, 2022

cvs is making me wait to talk to a pharmacist to pick up my migraine meds because their system says I am 13 months pregnant
— amy brown (@arb) March 24, 2022

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: March 25, 2022

Latest Coverage