March 4
Dylan: Wanna smoke some grass?
— John Lyon (@JohnLyonTweets) March 4, 2017
Beatles: No thank you.
*band never has another hit song and is quickly forgotten*
Journalists know: When leaders go berserk, furiously denying there's anything going on, blaming others--that's when you're getting close.
— Nicholas Kristof (@NickKristof) March 4, 2017
"Woodward, I have evidence Nixon wire-tapped phones!"
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) March 4, 2017
"Not now Bernstein, I'm investigating Bewitched getting cancelled due to low ratings!"
"We need a CEO as POTUS" - the reason we elected a guy who couldn't find oil in Texas & a guy who couldn't run a casino in Atlantic City.
— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 5, 2017
March 5
Here are the tweets Roger Stone deleted. pic.twitter.com/2S0mFvKcsu
— Lili Loofbourow (@Millicentsomer) March 5, 2017
It's starting to feel like men are just too emotional to be president.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) March 5, 2017
this headline really made me laugh. pic.twitter.com/8RyaJ5bzvQ
— Stephanie Allynne (@StephAllynne) March 5, 2017
This man advises Trump, which is bad, but I can't pretend I don't enjoy watching him. pic.twitter.com/2nwe8cyXnx
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) March 5, 2017
me: i let my cat drink the bathtub water while i was in it
— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) March 5, 2017
priest: once again kind of weird but not a sin
March 6
"I apologize for referring to slaves as 'immigrants.' I meant to say 'interns.'" -- Ben Carson, tomorrow
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) March 7, 2017
A brain surgeon is officially the dumbest man on Earth. We live in an amazing time.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) March 7, 2017
"Now you're in the Sunken Place" pic.twitter.com/e29hs8d60g
— Jordan Peele (@JordanPeele) March 7, 2017
March 7
Republicare: A Play in Three Acts pic.twitter.com/DM5pwTvHE9
— shauna (@goldengateblond) March 7, 2017
i'm the person republicans are talking about. i own a hundred iphones and my body is dying. i refuse to buy healthcare. get me another phone
— leon (@leyawn) March 7, 2017
The Republican health plan. pic.twitter.com/Ej3ZOhMou8
— avalanche engineer (@tristanreveur) March 7, 2017
March 8
Apparently the Statue of Liberty lights went out due to a power failure. But I would argue women are also protesting due to a power failure.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 8, 2017
I saw a guy in an Audi almost run over a woman in an electric wheelchair, which I think is basically Paul Ryan's healthcare plan.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) March 8, 2017
Happy #InternationalWomensDay! Even if you can't actually name one. pic.twitter.com/r7q3nyku6k
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) March 8, 2017
March 9
Local Scene Inadvertently Continues "Day Without A Woman" Protest https://t.co/lLwPoqHzT5
— The Hard Times (@REALpunknews) March 9, 2017
The GOP kept their eyes on their own paper when they wrote their shitty Obamacare replacement. Might we recommend cheating instead? pic.twitter.com/LZEuBhsgUc
— Full Frontal (@FullFrontalSamB) March 9, 2017
Anyone know how to get raccoon-blood stains out of a rented white tux? Long story. Thanks!
— (((mike sacks))) (@michaelbsacks) March 10, 2017
this how ppl with androids text:
— cool as h*ck turtle (@dubstep4dads) March 10, 2017
Hey It " s Jeff
Sorry I Sent That 4 Hour Ago It Just Went Thru. Wats Up Lol
March 10
the #1 craziest thing in KONG: SKULL ISLAND is photographer brie larson only taking a prime lens to a new island. #2 is the monkey. too big
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) March 10, 2017
This BBC interview is amazing. Just wait until the mum rushes in... 😂 pic.twitter.com/LGw1ACR9rg
— JOE.co.uk (@JOE_co_uk) March 10, 2017
