June 2
John Goodman marries Phylicia Rashad after both of their spouses die in explosions. The Conner and Huxtable families merge Brady Bunch style.
— Ian Boothby (@IanBoothby) June 2, 2018
Jordan Peterson on frogs pic.twitter.com/kOT3BsT8Ap
— Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) June 2, 2018
— Tim Heidecker for DA (@timheidecker) June 2, 2018
June 3
I'm not being funny but if I was married to a man, and after some years we had a daughter, and then he started publicly announcing that he finally found a reason to see women as humans worthy of respect I would likely piss on his toothbrush
— obstreperYES (@sweet_deezus) June 3, 2018
Other Recommended Titles:
— Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) June 3, 2018
The Humility of Kanye West
The Compassion of Charles Manson
The Good People on Both Sides of Charlottesville
The Lighthearted Charm of Alex Jones
The Wit & Wisdom of Kim Jong Un
The Search For Melania pic.twitter.com/7vGCLCRguc
Watch: @TomiLahren claims nobody ever attacked Obama's wife and family. Guess what comes next. pic.twitter.com/20nN2l9auj
— Tommy Christopher (@tommyxtopher) June 3, 2018
Guys I just stood on the corner and yelled "Melania" while shaking a bag of jewelry for a solid 5 minutes. Nothing.
— Andrés du Bouchet (@dubouchet) June 3, 2018
June 4
Does this tweet seems suspicious to anyone else? pic.twitter.com/aviQcvMuFt
— popular comedy account "the pixelated boat" (@pixelatedboat) June 4, 2018
Get the hell outta here Steph are u kidding me pic.twitter.com/8WS3VlC5Gu
— Rob Perez (@World_Wide_Wob) June 4, 2018
Cleveland. Call me.
— Air Bud (@AIRBUD) June 4, 2018
Sometimes trump sits on his hand until it goes numb so it feels like someone else is pardoning him
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) June 4, 2018
If God doesn't like gay people, then why do we look like perfect angels & homophobes look like God didn't even try?
— Solomon Georgio (@solomongeorgio) June 4, 2018
June 5
Leaked audio from Donald Trump's live microphone during performance of "God Bless America"... pic.twitter.com/5KsGCN2b2q
— Bad Lip Reading (@BadLipReading) June 5, 2018
.@realDonaldTrump I just came and did diarrhea on American flag.
— Tim Heidecker for DA (@timheidecker) June 6, 2018
New cake purchase policy:
— Screenification (@ckvanderkaay) June 5, 2018
every cake request begins with "I'm gay, and I need a marriage cake." Wait for response, and if they're accommodating, then you can say, "Actually, I need a birthday cake for my son, I just wanted to make sure you weren't a piece of shit."
If selling someone a wedding cake is participating in their marriage, isn't selling a gun to a shooter participation in murder?
— Allen Marshall (@AllenCMarshall) June 5, 2018
weird that the person they went after from Ghostbusters was Leslie Jones.
— Sean T. Collins (@theseantcollins) June 5, 2018
weird that the person they went after from Star Wars was Kelly Marie Tran.
what on earth could explain this
When I was younger I thought cops were legally allowed to commit crimes and get away with it and then I got older and found out that wasn't true and then I got even older and found out it was
— Jules (@Julian_Epp) June 6, 2018
June 6
Real talk, on fourteen occasions I've thrown my hands in the ay-uh even though I wasn't a true play-uh. Feels good to come clean about that. I apologize to anyone I've hurt.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) June 6, 2018
Calling Trump "Commander of Cheese" is the first factually accurate thing Kellyanne Conway's ever said.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) June 7, 2018
Kevin Durant
— Rob Perez (@World_Wide_Wob) June 7, 2018
2017 Game 3
2018 Game 3 pic.twitter.com/HdR3nxI3jX
I am laughing so goddamn hard at this video of Trump inexplicably putting his water bottle on the floor, and Pence immediately doing the same for no reason whatsoever. pic.twitter.com/qEFPzKClYj
— Jules Suzdaltsev (@jules_su) June 6, 2018
Remember when "worst case Ontario" was just a joke on Trailer Park Boys?
— Jonathan Torrens (@TorrensJonathan) June 6, 2018
Doug Ford is worst-case Ontario. And it's not funny.
Today my 5 year old's walkie talkie picked up the signal from the construction workers nearby and he said to them "HAVE YOU FOUND YOUR POO IN THE PORT A POTTY" and one of them responded "What?"
— Hi it's Matt Collins (@mitchberghini) June 7, 2018
June 7
Go ahead and ask Rogan or Maron. They'll tell you that any half decent stand up comedian knows you must wear an anklet of small, jingling bells during your performance to help the audience identify you as 'jester'. Can't stand the ignorant young punks who show up anklet-less.
— James Hartnett (@jameshartnett) June 7, 2018
Hey felons, destroy your phones! Shred your documents! Tamper with your witnesses!
— Preet Bharara (@PreetBharara) June 8, 2018
Yours truly,@seanhannity
P.S. just kidding jeez
The American President leaves summit with Canada and the Europeans in a fit of anger so he can get to Singapore in time to pay the North Korean dictator's hotel incidentals is a weird turn of events
— Dan Pfeiffer (@danpfeiffer) June 8, 2018
June 8
discovered this bourdain quote about a year ago. i think about it every day. it, quite demonstrably, changed my life for the better pic.twitter.com/Vi0EOPIdON
— rob whisman (@robwhisman) June 8, 2018
THE SUPREME COURT OVERTURNED MUHAMMAD ALI'S CONVICTION 8-0 IN 1971. THERE IS NOTHING TO PARDON! pic.twitter.com/sMyalIQ173
— Ryan Parker (@TheRyanParker) June 8, 2018
Anthony Bourdain, the only celebrity who was honest about Toronto: pic.twitter.com/Co9dfOTdCL
— Jonathan Goldsbie (@goldsbie) June 8, 2018
Imagine how much of an asshole you have to be to make CANADA mad at you
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) June 8, 2018
Spare me talk of "good MPs" & "Red Tories" who worked to make Doug Ford premier, but will "rein him in."
— Tabatha Southey (@TabathaSouthey) June 8, 2018
It's like "Look, it's the Cannibal Army, plus Kevin. Kevin's a good guy, Kevin doesn't eat people. Kevin's just here for the tax cuts."
Kevin still let the Cannibal Army in.
