This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: June 15, 2018
Imagine being intimidated by this guy. This guy! pic.twitter.com/Uugxj5YoPj— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) June 9, 2018
If you can't get along with Canada you're not human.— God (@TheTweetOfGod) June 10, 2018
I'm having a yard sale but no one is coming, so in actuality I'm just sitting on my lawn surrounded by my saddest possessions.— Andrew O. (@TheOrvedahl) June 9, 2018
DID YOU KNOW: Mrs. Doubtfire was originally titled: Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dad.— Chris Locke 😐 (@chrislockefun) June 9, 2018
This is how I spend my downtime on movie sets. https://t.co/mck5j1MwAD— Hannibal Buress (@hannibalburess) June 9, 2018
Hey Canada, we would understand if you want to build a wall on your southern border.— YS (@NYinLA2121) June 9, 2018
SAD TWEETS ARE NOT CHECKS OR BALANCES https://t.co/lPyDK379EH— Dan Pfeiffer (@danpfeiffer) June 10, 2018
Fox & Friends accidentally said this about the Singapore summit: "regardless of what happens in that meeting between the two dictators."— Adam Best (@adamcbest) June 10, 2018
This gaffe is probably the most honest thing ever said in the program's history. pic.twitter.com/eooBanu9b2
"Just tell us what Vladimir has on you. Maybe we can help." pic.twitter.com/DLc7YJFXqT— Guy Verhofstadt (@guyverhofstadt) June 10, 2018
This picture is trending in Chinese social media right now. pic.twitter.com/enAu8PesPk— Jen Zhu (@jenzhuscott) June 10, 2018
I will never get over America's lack of self awareness as it turns its back on people fleeing persecution as it simultaneously beats its chest over being a free country founded by people who fled persecution.— jordan (@JordanUhl) June 10, 2018
Sleep easy fellow citizens. Donald Trump and Dennis Rodman are negotiating for the nuclear fate of mankind.— Adam McKay (@GhostPanther) June 11, 2018
why do I feel 100% convinced that in a few hours a translator is going to have to slowly and painstaking retell Donald Trump's electoral college victory— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) June 11, 2018
HOW IS THERE ALWAYS A TWEET HOW GOD HOW https://t.co/3OPCLuGQMY— andi zeisler (@andizeisler) June 12, 2018
why does the news tonight look like the exit confessional from a reality show called batshit house? pic.twitter.com/tFLWTrXTHH— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) June 12, 2018
"Anything sounds more important with quotation marks and a generic Chinese person saying it." -Chinese Proverb https://t.co/R5oJVyJ63w— Jenny Yang 👲🏼👲🏼👲🏼 (@jennyyangtv) June 12, 2018
making Canada our enemy then embracing North Korea is possibly the most perfect metaphor for how I dated in my twenties & it doesn't work— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) June 12, 2018
Me, apologizing for how sexually forward my dog was being: "Sorry. All she cares about is butts and snacks."— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) June 12, 2018
Older lady dog owner: "What else is there?"
1985, 1992, 1994, 2002, 2003, 2005, 2006, 2008, 2010, 2011, 2012 and 2016. And 2018.— Kurt Eichenwald (@kurteichenwald) June 12, 2018
Those are all the years North Korea said they would not pursue nukes or would denuclearize. They lied. Trump fans are cheering he got a cat to meow again. And he abandoned a key ally to do it.
Fox News is state propaganda.— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) June 12, 2018
Fox News is state propaganda.
Fox News is state propaganda.
Fox News is state propaganda.
Fox News is state proppic.twitter.com/VcYCOuj5Ns
Me: can I get a Coke— thomas🏳️🌈 (@Barknado69) June 12, 2018
IHOB Waiter: is bepsi okay
First wife was his cousin. Cheated on the second wife with the third wife. Cheated on the third wife with a married woman. PARTY OF FAMILY VALUES, Y'ALL. (Literally so with the first wife.) https://t.co/0MbtgAs6CJ— shauna (@goldengateblond) June 13, 2018
This is basically shot for shot a scene from The Office https://t.co/zidfb8PTuz— Joe Perticone (@JoePerticone) June 12, 2018
Kim can you please do single payer healthcare next https://t.co/SJKqdAKLfA— Natalie Shure (@nataliesurely) June 13, 2018
North Korea solved! It was just as easy as giving Kim everything he wanted and asking nothing in return. Why didn't previous presidents ever think of that? https://t.co/wzRc3ZBNH6— David Frum (@davidfrum) June 13, 2018
Me: "Help! My face is dripping off of my skull!!"— Chris Locke 😐 (@chrislockefun) June 13, 2018
911 Operator: "What chalice did you drink from?"
Me: "The WRONG ONE, obviously!"
Might I also humbly suggest organizing your society differently so not everyone is miserable all the time https://t.co/mT6db604HS— Rob Rousseau (@robrousseau) June 13, 2018
The same people who say stick to sports or stick to comedy or stick to singing songs said let's get trump in office because he's not a politician. They didn't say to him stick to shady real estate deals.— h. jon benjamin (@HJBenjamin) June 13, 2018
Its nice to hear Trump senses a 'special bond' with Kim Jong Un because Trump is very good at sensing such things. Except for a few rare mistakes like the 19 women who accused him of harrassment. And the dozen officials he appointed who left since he took office. But otherwise...— Merrill Markoe (@Merrillmarkoe) June 13, 2018
Because i cant fucking drive karen https://t.co/YC8trPLy0l— Coyote on the bus 🤗 (@GIowlust) June 13, 2018
Sad to see Italian-Americans having to choose between their two great passions, mob movies and racism https://t.co/JzDM1GT1Mh— Joe (@BenghaziExpert) June 13, 2018
Old tweets from Fox News hypocrites are endless... https://t.co/XHxffXKaXp— andy lassner (@andylassner) June 13, 2018
This is like the time Trump said he lost "hundreds" of friends on 9/11. Zero. He lost zero friends on 9/11. He attended zero 9/11 funerals.— Lawrence O'Donnell (@Lawrence) June 14, 2018
Zero parents of fallen Korean War soldiers have spoken to Trump. Zero. https://t.co/d8msLHo1P0
Very cool! Trump saluting one of Kim Jong-un's generals. He should try to get North Korea into the G9 with Russia! pic.twitter.com/v1BGAw0EgG— Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) June 14, 2018
Before the Civil War, one Bible passage was (mis)used again and again by slavers as an argument FOR slavery.— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) June 15, 2018
Guess which Bible passage Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions used today to defend the cruel practice of harming immigrant children?
Remember when every reporter in Washington spent the better part of a week standing up for this ghoul who deserves every conceivable indignity? https://t.co/0cmv5YNptq— David Klion 🔥 (@DavidKlion) June 14, 2018
But my emails. https://t.co/G7TIWDEG0p— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) June 14, 2018
Trump: "Manafort has nothing to do with my campaign."— Eli Stokols (@EliStokols) June 15, 2018
[Narrator: He was the campaign chairman]
It's important to remember that regardless of who you are or who you're dating, if you get loudly engaged weeks into a relationship I am absolutely going to make fun of you.— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) June 15, 2018
In this video Trump says when Kim Jong-Un speaks, "his people sit up at attention. I want my people to do the same."— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) June 15, 2018
Some are arguing he means HIS STAFF, not THE people.
This isn't any better.
Kim MURDERED the generals that were not loyal. pic.twitter.com/d2Rs6qsO76
Trump lies of Manafort: "Paul Manafort worked for me for a very short period of time...He worked for me, what, for 49 days or something?"— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) June 15, 2018
He worked for Trump for 144 days, from March 29, 2016 to August 19, 2016.
Dear people citing The Bible:— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) June 15, 2018
It's a cool book with some wonderful passages but it also has ghost sex & giants & super babies & demons. It's why we don't make laws based on Game of Thrones, My Little Pony or Legend of Zelda.