TAYLOR SWIFT FAN, Megan Thee Stallion stay at home husband, got called big man, America's not Finland, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

June 30

The news is always like: "America has banned wheelchair ramps because they weren't in the Bible. Finland has made ice cream free."
— Jesse Case (@jessecase) June 30, 2023

Ya know, it would be a real shame if the entire wedding industry - a lot of which consists of members of the LGBTQ community - decided to straight up refuse to provide services for straight marriages in reliance upon this and the cake ruling from a few years ago. https://t.co/uxDbdhKrkF
— Bradley P. Moss (@BradMossEsq) June 30, 2023

And so it starts... pic.twitter.com/E7mhAqRMDw
— JustMePam (@PamelaApostolo1) June 30, 2023

Time to email my student loan providers and let them know they can refuse to accept my gay money
— Chris Stedman (@ChrisDStedman) June 30, 2023

conservatives: yaaaaay lgbtq people can legally be discriminated against and young people will be tied to debt until they die yaaaaaay

young people: we want america to collapse

conservatives: what's happening to americas youth? why are they so radical and hate us?
— pudding person (@JUNlPER) June 30, 2023

We need to inform the orcas about the Supreme Court
— Shenanigans (@Shenanigans_luv) June 30, 2023

I thought church and state were separated, did they get back together
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) June 30, 2023

june was supposed to be Pride but it ended up being Prejudice 😭
— Annie Wu (all socials: @annie_wu_22) (@Annie_Wu_22) June 30, 2023

Orcas have done more for social justice than the Supreme Court has this year
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) June 30, 2023

do yall want oppenheimer marketing or not https://t.co/QIHYzeaY5P
— ashley ray is on vacay (@theashleyray) June 30, 2023

The Animaniacs have elected a new Pope https://t.co/CfPc3wDDx9
— mischajaye (@lilastromech) June 30, 2023

there should be a The Bear for workin concessions at the movie theater
— cock sportello (@BenShh1) June 30, 2023

pic.twitter.com/BcMdr4WF55
— Z. Emerson 🍒 (@World0fEcho) June 30, 2023

  
July 1

"The rich are good people deep down"
Seen in Seattle, Washington pic.twitter.com/hJuCQphesY
— Radical Graffiti (@GraffitiRadical) July 2, 2023

He doesn't know what he's doing. https://t.co/YaFWjwZpL8
— Ben Collins (@oneunderscore__) July 1, 2023

"Elon must be destroying the site on purpose he can't be that stupid!" Last week a billionaire imploded, literally, because he thought he could outsmart the laws of physics. Never being told "no" makes a person stupid.
— skullsinthestars (@drskyskull) July 1, 2023

honestly Elon big ups on the recent changes. I know I have a problem and the only thing stronger than my addictive personality is my desire to not pay you $8
— Robert Evans (The Only Robert Evans) (@IwriteOK) July 1, 2023

Elon Musk (greatest genius of our time) running a social media platform: "what if we don't let people look at the website".
— Existential Comics (@existentialcoms) July 2, 2023

I like that the three working theories for why Twitter broke are:

1.) Twitter is DDoSing itself because Elon is an idiot.

2.) Twitter is losing servers after the company ignored bills because Elon is an idiot.

3.) Twitter hopes to force people to pay because Elon is an idiot.
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) July 1, 2023

lmao pic.twitter.com/kyDwT1Roq9
— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) July 1, 2023

Elon Musk is like a Scooby Doo villain who dresses up as a ghost to scare everyone away from the theme park but forgets that his business is theme parks
— Matthew Sweet (@DrMatthewSweet) July 1, 2023

July 2

Here's A Comic About Infinite Possibilities pic.twitter.com/a03E9ln5uA
— Smooth Dunk (@SmoothDunk) July 2, 2023

Elon Musk fixing twitter.

pic.twitter.com/TyR7WWW2nb
— Joe G 🟧 (@EastEndJoe) July 2, 2023

can't wait for this guy to put a microchip inside my skull pic.twitter.com/9LlDWd9y7m
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) July 2, 2023

you boy, what number post is this? pic.twitter.com/314AtCAZ6O
— Lucy (@LMAsaysno) July 2, 2023

too young to go to facebook. too old to go to tiktok. too ugly to go to instagram. pic.twitter.com/0pD0pOm2WL
— David Mack (@davidmackau) July 2, 2023

America was such bitch on Friday and now expects us to attend her birthday party on Tuesday? I don't think so, sweetie.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) July 2, 2023

dogs aren't actually afraid of fireworks, they just really hate america
— molly conger (@socialistdogmom) July 3, 2023

this is a very lynchian jump scare https://t.co/uCHehVM80q
— dom nero (@dominicknero) July 2, 2023

people in 1981: Indiana Jones will never make a movie with Fleabag

people today: omg he actually did it
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) July 3, 2023

Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig should have won Oscars for this pic.twitter.com/D61ipIHDvX
— Erik Anderson (@awards_watch) July 2, 2023

not my mom dragging me 14 years ago pic.twitter.com/oY9w1ZvnIR
— sammy (@SaaamRosss) July 2, 2023

 
July 3

wish there was an old book that would protect me anytime i wanted to be an asshole
— Fucked Up (@FUCKEDUP) July 3, 2023

We're off to a good start, but there is more to be done pic.twitter.com/3igce4zE0m
— Stop Cop City (@JoshuaPHilll) July 4, 2023

I don't think AI should be used to make content…BUT…if there were a way for the paw patrol to tell my son by name that if he doesn't go to bed they will arrest him…
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) July 4, 2023

People are wondering what Rickie Fowler was looking at after he won the Rocket Mortgage Classic yesterday. pic.twitter.com/EzycGurxXk
— Shooter McGavin (@ShooterMcGavin_) July 3, 2023

Big Tech: We are creating the future. We will synthesize human consciousness. We will cure every disease and make intergalactic travel possible.
Me: I want to post sentences and look at other people's sentences
Big Tech: That's too hard
— Arriving 30 minutes early (@InternetHippo) July 4, 2023

ATTENTION: Hollywood

Do you have the guts to tell this man's story, warts and all? pic.twitter.com/S2xIpnjkwD
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) July 3, 2023

Barbie leading Oppenheimer in Asia-Pacific geopolitical controversy is wild https://t.co/4kvDwVqioR
— G. L. (@gldivittorio) July 3, 2023

Single Misogynist Ready To Settle Down And Hate One Woman For Rest Of His Life https://t.co/nqH3awCvke pic.twitter.com/sthIlcg8nP
— The Onion (@TheOnion) July 3, 2023

So much to take in here pic.twitter.com/HvmsWmZFAu
— GummyFredo™ (@GummyFredo) July 3, 2023

 
July 4

It's her day now pic.twitter.com/0zpKoKPyXO
— Sugar Pusher 🍭🧚🏻🎸 (@HGWelp) July 4, 2023

Taking away my dog's phone next July 4th pic.twitter.com/yXd13ebNB8
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) July 5, 2023

if you think fireworks are too loud try being alone with my thoughts
— albert (@albert12798) July 4, 2023

Happy 4th from my favorite meme of all time pic.twitter.com/y7wVtEJl4Y
— 𝕭𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖙𝖆𝖓𝖞 🦇👻🕯️📚 (@GothHistorian) July 4, 2023

shout out to the women in the hot dog eating contest who ate 2 dogs in 5 minutes… no competitive streak no urgency just taking the stage for a light lunch
— glennis ❤️‍🔥 (@theglennisshow) July 4, 2023

One day we will invent the technology to eat hot dogs indoors https://t.co/kK6z9RFZgP
— James Holzhauer (@James_Holzhauer) July 4, 2023

Wow, Kevin Costner really stocks a fridge before he leaves you https://t.co/yxnIm2zvpZ
— have a lovely bowl of ennuitabix (@bethwritesstuff) July 4, 2023

You will never believe who she is saying this to pic.twitter.com/WKzGGqK2Fv
— fiona (@JUSTAPARTYG1RL) July 4, 2023

a big aspect that drives conservatism is being mad about other people being happy
— pudding person (@JUNlPER) July 4, 2023

Could Sitting For Hours In A Traffic Jam While Going To Work Be Better Cardiovascular Exercise Than Going For A Light Run Before Working From Home?
We Only Talk To Health Experts Who Say Yes. pic.twitter.com/OusSkwqPBd
— The Vertlartnic (@TheVertlartnic) July 4, 2023

I love signs like this at small businesses that imply some complicated behind the scenes drama or power struggle and appeal to a core clientele who may be genuinely hype that Mark's back pic.twitter.com/aZcqsiwTu4
— Matthew Perpetua (@perpetua) July 4, 2023

Got called "big man" by a barista once. Loved it. Rode that high all day. Got called "big boy" by a waiter today. Awful. 0/10. The vibe is in shambles.
— Thomas 'TomSka' Ridgewell (@thetomska) July 4, 2023

His genes didn't even try https://t.co/LeFqKQAepE
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) July 5, 2023

Ball gown. T-shirt gun. Cussing like a sailor lmao my girl https://t.co/VqoV1idGx0
— Princess Papí 🥭 (@fonzfranc) July 4, 2023

Today's job market combines the abusiveness of 1900s jobs and uselessness of 2000s jobs. Somebody will be like "I do growth onboarding for a cupcake company that has a compliment on every wrapper." And you'll be like "oh that sounds fun" and they'll be like "actually they hit us"
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) July 5, 2023

Just removed the word "URGENT" myself from subject line when replying to an email that clearly wasnt urgent. Felt so good to take my power back. It was added in again by the recipient literally one reply later but for a minute I lived like a king.
— Mike Townsend (@townsendyesmate) July 4, 2023

As far as I'm concerned, this will never ever stop being funny. 😂 pic.twitter.com/OUdNHRjPj3
— Peter Girguis (@pgirguis) July 5, 2023

 
July 5

It's even funnier seeing the clip of it https://t.co/3dSxWHZV7k pic.twitter.com/0ZfBHPaoyO
— Nicholas (@NicholasJLevi) July 5, 2023

George Lucas: okay so then there's gonna be a whole mineshaft using child labour, and Indy is gonna backhand slap his little child sidekick and we're gonna rip a dudes heart out and dunk him in hell.
Spielberg:
Lucas: I just miss her a lot man
Spielberg: I know buddy. I know.
— Jarson (@PunishedOmbies) July 5, 2023

that's the cup of a carpenter pic.twitter.com/Cnjshv9KgY
— Seth on the Nihil (@lordsoftheseth) July 6, 2023

this is so intense https://t.co/QyErBXMop1 pic.twitter.com/EsbNIss2s4
— kedibone, literally. (@thatoivan) July 5, 2023

Everything is just going to be this forever isnt it https://t.co/kUvh6vBsRi
— andrew (@mrnastynodrama) July 5, 2023

for the potato fears not death pic.twitter.com/zeEgp8Aw1d
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) July 5, 2023

when they ask me what year the war ended pic.twitter.com/cfCBkLXIVS
— E.B. 🦇 (@ebhthree) July 6, 2023

In America we don't have healthcare we have a giant sphere that does nothing https://t.co/VgaRNze73E
— Against late capitalism 🪶 (@Inhumansoflate1) July 5, 2023

I don't know what they are feeding these kids, but Bron isn't supposed to look normal size standing next to them. https://t.co/MNxRZdcVOC
— Letting Go (@ProvideContext) July 5, 2023

just opened threads. it's basically a fake app from a tv show that a teenage girl uses right before being murdered by cyberbullies. not doing that again
— ringworm (@prawn_meat) July 6, 2023

social media managers having to post the same joke on 18 apps now bc of elon musk pic.twitter.com/nQMJASG0ga
— derek guy (@dieworkwear) July 6, 2023

the reason is known https://t.co/yiANqirD3K
— Kendall Rae (@KendallRaeOnYT) July 6, 2023

There should be a bat signal for Azealia Banks. https://t.co/s8aLmpOGfI
— Jennifer Wilson (@JenLouiseWilson) July 6, 2023

Met Usher backstage at his residency last year and my wife acted like a teenager with her first crush when they got to take a picture. It's like that sometimes. Just gotta be happy for her and then quietly delete all of his music from her phone like a real man.
— Boo Radley (@ClauGasol) July 6, 2023

I will never be this embarrassing when I'm Megan Thee Stallion stay at home husband
— Charles J. Moore (@charles270) July 6, 2023

July 6

great game everybody, hit the showers https://t.co/heXHXwKCtE
— johnny karate (@kdhatesu) July 6, 2023

Good Will Batman.
Directed by @orenbrimer pic.twitter.com/7LV6IW3xny
— Pete Holmes (@peteholmes) July 6, 2023

WELCOME TO THREADS pic.twitter.com/xyBj8G3wlO
— Brittlestar (@brittlestar) July 6, 2023

It is funny that Zuck rolled out a Twitter Killer and it took less than 24h for everyone to decide it is irrevocably Ass
— noah kulwin (@nkulw) July 6, 2023

I take it back, great app pic.twitter.com/5rvjoLdOUW
— pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) July 6, 2023

Well I'm never going back to threads pic.twitter.com/vIBBUWsSCh
— Octopus/Caveman (@OctopusCaveman) July 6, 2023

Whose fault is that man https://t.co/C37dxsm2eC
— eve6 (@Eve6) July 6, 2023

Yeah, I'm interested in Dune 2. Dune 2 identical posts on two different social media platforms.
— Amos Posner (@AmosPosner) July 6, 2023

How it started: How it is going: pic.twitter.com/F1W3qOZgnc
— Oliver Alexander (@OAlexanderDK) July 6, 2023

i love that twitter is malding over this. i love that elon buying twitter has continued to ruin his life in new ways. he never wanted this website and now it's torturing him. zuckerberg is many bad things but prodding elon and adding to his pain is so funny https://t.co/VE0G96dM6o
— pudding person (@JUNlPER) July 6, 2023

In four hours, 5M people signed up for an app from a guy they hate - because they hate the other guy more.
— Hoodlum 🇺🇸 (@NotHoodlum) July 6, 2023

I tried to make an entire conservative comedy special in 30 minutes and honestly it was even easier than I thought: pic.twitter.com/fFPdwzTh61
— Kat Abu (@abughazalehkat) July 6, 2023

In 2010-2014 people would show you a video and it would be something like this and you just had to politely wait for it to be over. https://t.co/a6JnjSD6ni
— Dan Hentschel (@danhentschel69) July 6, 2023

Climatologist say that Tuesday's temperatures were the highest in the last 125,000 years. But Twitter user @weatherguy1488 isn't so sure.
— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) July 6, 2023

the new york mayor literally did the george costanza scheme pic.twitter.com/x4UbZHCvk6
— pudding person (@JUNlPER) July 6, 2023

Today I learned that Albert Camus had a cat called Cigarette. This might be the Frenchest thing ever to have happened pic.twitter.com/U9YAUvbA1L
— David Hering (@hering_david) July 6, 2023

david attenborough: this is a baby seal, he is starving to death

me: :(

david: his mother has found food

me: :)

david: there is a polar bear nearby who will eat the pup

me: :(

david: the pup makes a lucky escape

me: :)

david: the polar bear will now starve

me: :(
— charly (@charlywhymn) July 6, 2023

huge night for girls who have never ever moved on from anything https://t.co/9F6wWq8LUr
— Natasha Roy (@natasharoyy) July 6, 2023

fuckin' c'mon man pic.twitter.com/zP950V3HAF
— Steve Sladkowski (@sladkow) July 6, 2023

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: July 7, 2023

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