June 29
3 WOMEN AND 30 DUDES WHAT IS THIS A COMEDY CLUB LINEUP ? https://t.co/sn43FUh158
— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) June 29, 2019
You get 3 wishes https://t.co/1FxzTHCk6b
— ♡ Adorable (@SuperAdore) June 29, 2019
On the 6 train tonight, a couple takes a table out and starts a ping pong game....#I❤️NYC pic.twitter.com/WqztzK9xSx
— Mary Karr, Author (@marykarrlit) June 29, 2019
Puta madre i thought they threw the mf off a plane https://t.co/lYarV873KS
— lil mexico (@till_dxwn18) June 29, 2019
here's the biggest reason why fahrenheit is better than celsius for weather:
— adam (@burgerkrang) June 30, 2019
69 degrees fahrenheit - nice
69 degrees celsius - everyone is dead
the perfect video doesn't exi- pic.twitter.com/VCB1JQhj77
— rae paoletta (@PAYOLETTER) June 29, 2019
Thomas coming out of his tank to shame mankind pic.twitter.com/g7MhdzZkou
— Lizard Queen (@ragbonehair) June 29, 2019
Why is this bee notice styled like a wedding invitation pic.twitter.com/ij13lp34Pb
— Theodore McCombs (@mrbruff) June 29, 2019
We love a friendly neighborhood Spiderman pic.twitter.com/TI7UmSo61I
— Justina (@Juustinaaaa) June 29, 2019
June 30
Kawhi's just gonna announce by updating his LinkedIn profile, isn't he?
— Ryan Nanni (@celebrityhottub) June 30, 2019
BREAKING: Knicks have signed an old SLAM Magazine cover featuring Antonio McDyess for 42 mill over 5 years.#NBAFreeAgency
— Adam McKay (@GhostPanther) July 1, 2019
Beyoncef https://t.co/HE7Iuqla0O
— 𝖿𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖿𝗂𝗏𝖾 𝗌𝗂𝗑 (@wybmf) June 30, 2019
Y'all wild for this one 🤣 pic.twitter.com/ee0HkLrqpi
— Mike Tyson (@MikeTyson) June 30, 2019
me: i hooked up with this girl i met at the bar last night
— the hipe (@TheHyyyype) June 30, 2019
friend: nice, was she hot?
me: dude she could be the next dalai lama
friend: holy shit
The ideal woman according to guys' Hinge profiles pic.twitter.com/iAdy8WaKwH
— Gina (@ginadivittorio) July 1, 2019
I have so many questions 😳😳 pic.twitter.com/brkxk8uQkZ
— BlackEntertainment🗣 (@IlovebeinBlack) July 1, 2019
My favorite part of THE ROCK is when Ed Harris visits his wife's grave and her headstone says "His wife" pic.twitter.com/lKpefkHWSe
— Mike Leffingwell (@mikeleffingwell) July 1, 2019
was so confused by my wife's grocery list until I got to the store pic.twitter.com/uPIjw3oegu
— Ryan Perry (@rynprry) June 30, 2019
Tragic that the Dalai Lama's love of boobs or whatever has cast a shadow over an otherwise brilliant system of government, of picking a random baby and raising it to be a god-king
— niraliberalism🌹 (@niralshah) June 30, 2019
July 1
Good morning. Let's all have a great week! pic.twitter.com/rCnRZpZEF6
— Tom Segura AKA Drip Daddy Dollaz (@tomsegura) July 1, 2019
Anthony Jeselnik on political correctness https://t.co/DhmFwIfX51 pic.twitter.com/P8fa8kQCOE
— Good One (@GoodOnePodcast) July 1, 2019
Someone please call 911... pic.twitter.com/VHfe2kGWd9
— April (@ReignOfApril) July 1, 2019
Only in America. pic.twitter.com/iNV3VQtdkq
— Only in America (@Crazzyintheusa) July 1, 2019
old town road is literally about horses.
— nope (@LilNasX) July 1, 2019
What if you woke up one day and you were the only one in the world who remembered that John Lennon and Paul McCartney jacked off together once?
— Dave Shumka (@daveshumka) July 1, 2019
This is still the fucking funniest video on the web pic.twitter.com/rT8jWlzlHu
— Harrison (@prodbyharrison) July 2, 2019
The owner of my AirBnB has a dog named Kevin. His human-sounding name terrified me at first. pic.twitter.com/8CrUV1hMOp
— decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) July 1, 2019
gather your horses bisexuals. we pick up lil nas x at dawn. https://t.co/ZcwxTSVg7m
— taylor thee rapidash (@ItsRadishTime) July 1, 2019
— Cute N Squishy (@Cute_N_Squish) July 1, 2019
July 2
It would be funny if Kawhi were texting other NBA players super mundane stuff all the time without mentioning free agency. "Heads up, 'Bron. Shawshank's on TNT right now."
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) July 2, 2019
Dude deciding to breakdance during this melee is my favorite guy ever...🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/RXy7bpf9h6
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) July 2, 2019
I reviewed another cheap wine pic.twitter.com/egqx94aOjn
— Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) July 2, 2019
This looks like they're about to drop a power ballad about the same lion cheating on them pic.twitter.com/ytUzRIgcqA
— Marc (@MarcSnetiker) July 2, 2019
I can't believe the president went to north korea anyway remember when he violently raped that woman and no one gave a shit
— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) July 2, 2019
A white contractor shows up to the job of a black homowner with a racist confederate flag on the back of his truck. The homeowner turns him away. pic.twitter.com/P6lsS7UG89
— Brother Tyrone X (@tyrone345345) July 2, 2019
if you don't love this team you're a cop pic.twitter.com/W9Pf5a7opv
— ertz&pugh&tobin&rapinoe (@carIisIe) July 2, 2019
DOCTOR: for fuck sake stop letting your kids jump on the bed
— average joe (@jazz_inmypants) July 2, 2019
MAMA MONKEY: ok
[doctor gets a call at 1 am]
MAMA MONKEY: you're not gonna believe this
Our Morgan > Your Morgan #USAvENG #ENGUSA #FIFAWWC pic.twitter.com/4YNRJA9Pau
— Tom Brady is not a system QB (@DailySports_1) July 2, 2019
EVERY word? https://t.co/QV3v7F7Q3q
— ًㅤㅤㅤㅤ (@UziVerd) July 2, 2019
good morning pic.twitter.com/ANbOKezUTG
— rogan (@sluggn_) July 2, 2019
Original deleted, so I saved you a screen shot pic.twitter.com/G9tLiqgele
— David Frum (@davidfrum) July 2, 2019
The sense of time I have as a millennial is so weird...
— Sandstone (@quartzen) July 2, 2019
1970: About 30 years ago
1980: About 20 years ago
1990: About 10 years ago
2000: About 10 years ago
2010: About 1,000 years ago
2016: About 10,000 years ago
2018: About 1,000 years ago
Last week: About 1,000 years ago
when you try pulling the hotel blanket from where it's tucked pic.twitter.com/6I837GjKv5
— Up Top Culture (@UpTopCulture) July 3, 2019
You know what's really stupid.. that in 5-7 years we're gonna have to watch some dumbass Oscar nominated movie about a sympathetic border patrol agent that gave a kid a bottle of water once
— $1k Dressin (@blacboijoi) July 3, 2019
Gays: He lives like 40mins away. It'll never work.
— Lana Del Gay 🏳️🌈👻 (@McClellandShane) July 2, 2019
Lesbians: pic.twitter.com/7ZyRd2A0Vk
I like that landlords are sticking with that dark ages-ass title
— Keanu_reevebooks (@TheVictasticK) July 2, 2019
嘘みたいなほんとの映像😅 ◆ pic.twitter.com/HrbxZ2a4Yd
— もふネコねこちゃんねる (@mofunekoch1) July 2, 2019
Brave of you to stand up to a pair of shoes. Maybe one day you'll stand up to the man who insulted your wife, your father and our country. https://t.co/H29FJMDwT5
— Sean Casten (@SeanCasten) July 2, 2019
July 3
Map to twitter pic.twitter.com/Fjm5j57b9r
— Geoffrey (@geofflapid) July 3, 2019
i know this isn't the point but these are fucking 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 pic.twitter.com/wRimjU9Ed6
— Trey Smith (@SlimiHendrix) July 3, 2019
Can everybody just Please look at this cat pic.twitter.com/GEPe1XzurJ
— danee, goddess of dinosaurs 🦖 (@itsdaneesaur) July 3, 2019
I am profoundly sad to hear that after 67 years, MAD Magazine is ceasing publication. I can't begin to describe the impact it had on me as a young kid – it's pretty much the reason I turned out weird. Goodbye to one of the all-time greatest American institutions. #ThanksMAD pic.twitter.com/01Ya4htdSR
— Al Yankovic (@alyankovic) July 4, 2019
well now Ursula has to be white because who else would steal a black woman's voice https://t.co/1Zldve7rPO
— ashley ray (@arayyay) July 3, 2019
convinced my 44 year old therapist to confront her husband about not liking her instagram posts and left the session feeling so empowered by the realization that while she can't make me better, i can make us both worse.
— Dana Donnelly (@danadonly) July 4, 2019
Jake Gyllenhaal looks so goddamn much like Disneyland Woody pic.twitter.com/2FUPTZq07t
— ✨ Hamish Steele ✨ (@hamishsteele) July 3, 2019
Blocking negative vibes all Summer '19 😂 pic.twitter.com/QOFgdUxQ6R
— Anna-Lysa Gayle (@ABC7Annalysa) July 4, 2019
July 4
Trump just said the army took over the airports during the Revolutionary War.
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) July 5, 2019
That's, um, 127 years before the airplane was invented. https://t.co/gnzaibATR5
Posting this before it gets deleted. pic.twitter.com/ABTFFHi2Q9
— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) July 5, 2019
The dumbest ever. I mean, since fucking Jamestown. The "Rockets' Red GLARE" not FLARE...was the war of 1812, not the 4th of July, and there were no airports OR airplanes. Who in God's name is writing this crap for this washed-up psycho?? https://t.co/gYHGEWWzpT
— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) July 5, 2019
Let's do an episode of drunk history but the guy telling the story hasn't had anything to drink and he's the president of the United States
— Jason Isbell (@JasonIsbell) July 5, 2019
RACIST TWITTER: Mermaids are WHITE!
— Stone (@StoneAgeRadio13) July 4, 2019
EVERYONE ELSE: Mermaids aren't REAL.
What if Baby Shark was by Lady Gaga? pic.twitter.com/vsbstaagyC
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) July 4, 2019
Melania hasn't been this wet since she sat next to Obama at George H.W. Bush's funeral. pic.twitter.com/J6El5dr6Iz
— Daily Trix (@DailyTrix) July 4, 2019
Im not racist i listen to 50 cent is a new one not gonna lie https://t.co/bT0gTB2OrV
— C.H.A.V (@EarthToG) July 4, 2019
Allegedly must be the officers last name https://t.co/vfhDUwHM3u
— Shady™ ➐ (@6illeh) July 4, 2019
REMBER pic.twitter.com/9DhaE3WX8O
— whatever forever (@wrong_rachel) July 4, 2019
if you guys think there were no airports built in 1776 you have not been to LaGuardia
— Jason Gay (@jasongay) July 5, 2019
today is the 7th anniversary of san diego accidentally setting off their entire show at the same time, resulting in the funniest and most efficient fireworks show ever
— tiger swan lady (@mrs_hippiequeen) July 4, 2019
(CAUTION: LOUD 😂) pic.twitter.com/4qJ2h63HFy
July 5
— Unusual Videos 🤔 (@UnusualVideos) July 5, 2019
That movie "yesterday" except I'm the only one to remember animal collective so I get a floor tom and delay pedal and I get sent to inpatient psychiatric care
— Ryley walker (@ryleywalker) July 5, 2019
Arizona Governor Doug Ducey says, after Nike's decision to pull "Betsy Ross flag" sneakers that he is pulling incentives for company to have a plant there. Two days later, shows up to 4th of July party with Nikes on his feet! (📷 from @CoconinoDems) pic.twitter.com/MdKJAWkBqQ
— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) July 5, 2019
My mom is pretty relaxed about earthquakes. pic.twitter.com/KNAYOwiTSD
— Ursula Lawrence (@UrsulaLawrence) July 6, 2019
On trial because he speaks of the pompetus of love https://t.co/vEXE7ANCsr
— Jason Isbell (@JasonIsbell) July 5, 2019
Can't possibly imagine why Dwight Howard keeps getting shipped around the league pic.twitter.com/LJd8i0eSAt
— Old Social Posts (@OldSocialPosts) July 6, 2019
