A new way to enjoy cat, anti-maskers are taken to the mat, where applying for jobs right now is at, treadmill science earns a tip of the hat, and much more from this week in funny tweets.<br>
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June 27
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">She started seeing a guy that can pronounce gnocchi, it's over bro you gotta move on</p>
— Ron Iver (@ronnui_) <a href="https://twitter.com/ronnui_/status/1277040323500228608?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I CANT BELIEVE I MADE A CUSTOMER GET IN THE VIDEO OMG <a href="https://t.co/T1ETvIN0UH">pic.twitter.com/T1ETvIN0UH</a></p>
— ( ͡ ͜ʖ ͡ ) (@dianacortes00) <a href="https://twitter.com/dianacortes00/status/1277001638339850242?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 27, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Oh to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand</p>
— Joe Johnson (@JoeJohnsonIce) <a href="https://twitter.com/JoeJohnsonIce/status/1276895737595392003?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 27, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">hey Im a restaurant worker PLEASE DONT EVER GO TO RESTAURANTS AGAIN</p>
— brendan joyce (@nicetryofficer) <a href="https://twitter.com/nicetryofficer/status/1277071457894445056?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Imagine wearing a rhinestoned Bebe t-shirt in the year of our lord 2020. <a href="https://t.co/gkG7YdirPO">https://t.co/gkG7YdirPO</a></p>
— sam greisman (@SAMGREIS) <a href="https://twitter.com/SAMGREIS/status/1277029661541691392?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
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June 28
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">What if u put ur fingers in a girls mouth to be sexy and she just made a really loud whistle with them that called a horse over</p>
— Matt Moir (@distastefulman) <a href="https://twitter.com/distastefulman/status/1277423967905755136?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 29, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Laying on a skinny dude chest like layin on da porch</p>
— KAiWiZZLE (@GinaDaPas) <a href="https://twitter.com/GinaDaPas/status/1277128074220277762?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">A transphobe, a racist, a homophobe and an anti-semite walk into a bar.<br>
<br>
The Bartender says "Hey, aren't you that lady who wrote Harry Potter?"</p>
— She/HerWhoMustNotBeNamed (@BurgundyBitch72) <a href="https://twitter.com/BurgundyBitch72/status/1277187928767283202?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">It's embarrassing that it's so simple <a href="https://t.co/7RUcMRBQqN">pic.twitter.com/7RUcMRBQqN</a></p>
— Rex Parker 🐈🐾☕️🐾🐈 (@rexparker) <a href="https://twitter.com/rexparker/status/1277352520751493120?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
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June 29
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">people wearing masks without covering their nose <a href="https://t.co/YNSIh2FTqL">pic.twitter.com/YNSIh2FTqL</a></p>
— irl prince zuko (@gerrieyaki) <a href="https://twitter.com/gerrieyaki/status/1277611907160162310?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 29, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Can you imagine a bunch of white guys in a rock reggae band called the Police releasing a song telling a sex worker to get off the streets in 2020</p>
— Atossa Araxia Abrahamian (@atossaaraxia) <a href="https://twitter.com/atossaaraxia/status/1277786804800888832?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/i6vsYyvaih">pic.twitter.com/i6vsYyvaih</a></p>
— Ron Steslow (@RonSteslow) <a href="https://twitter.com/RonSteslow/status/1277697775203790848?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 29, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Fox News has done to our parents what they thought gangsta rap would do to us <a href="https://t.co/7tv5SRb6Xz">pic.twitter.com/7tv5SRb6Xz</a></p>
— Seltzer In Place (@VernorsHerzog) <a href="https://twitter.com/VernorsHerzog/status/1277572383021371393?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 29, 2020</a></blockquote>
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June 30
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">The internet is undefeated...🤣🤣 <a href="https://t.co/WygnqtHu1U">pic.twitter.com/WygnqtHu1U</a></p>
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) <a href="https://twitter.com/RexChapman/status/1277996621410832384?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I have a Carl Reiner story that I hold very dear to me. I figured I'd share it today, on the day of his passing, because I hope it will bring some other people some joy the way it does me.</p>
— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) <a href="https://twitter.com/AshcanPress/status/1278063982767738882?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Thank you for the inspiring words, Coronavirus. <a href="https://t.co/KtMoigzVB4">https://t.co/KtMoigzVB4</a></p>
— David B. Larter (@DavidLarter) <a href="https://twitter.com/DavidLarter/status/1278071280760164352?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">judge: do you swear to speak the truth and nothing but the truth<br>
<br>
me: yeah<br>
<br>
judge: who do you like<br>
<br>
me: omg dare</p>
— suki (@desukidesu) <a href="https://twitter.com/desukidesu/status/1278087370978533376?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Do you think during the plague there were a bunch of court jesters who were like fuck I miss court jesting</p>
— David Spector (@spectordeforce) <a href="https://twitter.com/spectordeforce/status/1277860870371057666?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">A year ago my partner cut the tip of his finger off, he had it stitched back on hoping it would heal. A few weeks later they took the stitches out saying it healed well. We ended up tripping on lsd and when he went to touch my face his finger fell off on me.<br>
THE TRAUMA</p>
— tay🍄 (@paradoxtay) <a href="https://twitter.com/paradoxtay/status/1278046624636219392?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I don't think most people in the United States realize that they can't leave their country.</p>
— The Public Archive (@public_archive) <a href="https://twitter.com/public_archive/status/1278192703100973056?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Just witnessed three Instagram girls fake picking up garbage at the beach for content. Gloves, a picker upper, no garbage bag...</p>
— Woodrow (@danielwoodrow) <a href="https://twitter.com/danielwoodrow/status/1278069632776261633?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
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July 1
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Left: abolish the police<br>
<br>
Liberals: we'll rename the Pentagon the Maya Angelou War Center</p>
— cancela lansbury (@gossipbabies) <a href="https://twitter.com/gossipbabies/status/1278423766306033666?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Applying for jobs in the middle of a pandemic <a href="https://t.co/wRLgclUIL2">pic.twitter.com/wRLgclUIL2</a></p>
— Dan (@kingdeficit) <a href="https://twitter.com/kingdeficit/status/1278484065356783616?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">My gym just went bankrupt. Who's the quitter now?</p>
— Raag Agrawal (@raagagrawal) <a href="https://twitter.com/raagagrawal/status/1278498758225952768?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">follow me for more recipes <a href="https://t.co/zrGRxIHRIk">pic.twitter.com/zrGRxIHRIk</a></p>
— JB (@ghostofjohnbro) <a href="https://twitter.com/ghostofjohnbro/status/1278375806658654208?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">what a way to announce to the world that you've never had a woman sit on your face <a href="https://t.co/mWj0nbJ9Lh">https://t.co/mWj0nbJ9Lh</a></p>
— chelsea (@cee_ryan) <a href="https://twitter.com/cee_ryan/status/1278441617242894349?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">this page is from a medical textbook that was published in wait for it...2017. <a href="https://t.co/R5DV7ZqxJM">pic.twitter.com/R5DV7ZqxJM</a></p>
— lindsay (@lindsaaaytweets) <a href="https://twitter.com/lindsaaaytweets/status/1278335484041838592?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Happy Independence Day, Somalia💙💙 <a href="https://t.co/nQKOQFGSRC">pic.twitter.com/nQKOQFGSRC</a></p>
— jamad (@Jamaaad) <a href="https://twitter.com/Jamaaad/status/1278507245303664641?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
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July 2
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">you think anyones ever gotten a lap dance to the national</p>
— rava (@rava) <a href="https://twitter.com/rava/status/1278817797221437440?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">orgy organiser: Hello welcome to the orgy :)<br>
me: thanks im looking forward to fucking everybody</p>
— no (@punished_picnic) <a href="https://twitter.com/punished_picnic/status/1278888561757085698?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 3, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Lockdown has provided important research time for science <a href="https://t.co/3F0szNPLxo">pic.twitter.com/3F0szNPLxo</a></p>
— Theo Shantonas (@TheoShantonas) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheoShantonas/status/1278745107035041798?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">just a reminder washington<br>
these ideas are free<br>
there is no charge <a href="https://t.co/4Vjt906TWu">pic.twitter.com/4Vjt906TWu</a></p>
— darth™ (@darth) <a href="https://twitter.com/darth/status/1278811571989311488?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">For anyone who feels like they "wasted" quarantine because they didn't write a novel or learn a new language or get shredded, I have good news: Quarantine ain't over get back inside.</p>
— Ashley Clements (@TheAshleyClem) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheAshleyClem/status/1278736327073165313?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Cause if you like it, then you shoulda put a mask on it</p>
— Dan Rather (@DanRather) <a href="https://twitter.com/DanRather/status/1278856726230429696?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 3, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Well that's just awkward. <a href="https://t.co/nE4PE7E7QS">pic.twitter.com/nE4PE7E7QS</a></p>
— Josh Jordan (@NumbersMuncher) <a href="https://twitter.com/NumbersMuncher/status/1278844346272493569?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 3, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">if y'all can retweet this enough times that Disney calls, that'd be greatly appreciated <a href="https://t.co/GrKlIRxg3J">pic.twitter.com/GrKlIRxg3J</a></p>
— Julian Bass (@thejulianbass) <a href="https://twitter.com/thejulianbass/status/1278714517770440707?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
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July 3
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">It's not lost on me that Jonathan lived through slavery and did nothing <a href="https://t.co/PmtImFCWzG">https://t.co/PmtImFCWzG</a></p>
— Obelisk of Wokeness (@SweatyKeef) <a href="https://twitter.com/SweatyKeef/status/1279050857154326529?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 3, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">If I do enough acid today I can eat the sun and cool us all down!!!</p>
— Nick Flanagan (@theflans) <a href="https://twitter.com/theflans/status/1279106811883225094?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 3, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Sports officials unable to find non-Indigenous team names, despite entire universe <a href="https://t.co/O64WhdWSmT">https://t.co/O64WhdWSmT</a></p>
— Walking Eagle News (@TheEagleist) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheEagleist/status/1279111304985432070?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 3, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">The conflicting info from doctors has been exhausting-<br>
<br>
First they said "masks don't help"<br>
<br>
Then it became "we learned more and masks do help"<br>
<br>
Then it was "yup, we still think masks help"<br>
<br>
Then "continue wearing masks"<br>
<br>
Now "for the love of god, wear a mask"<br>
<br>
Which is it?!</p>
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) <a href="https://twitter.com/McJesse/status/1278936856357306368?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 3, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">A play in three acts <a href="https://t.co/FhwGik1mWL">pic.twitter.com/FhwGik1mWL</a></p>
— Zack Smedley 🏳️‍🌈 (@Zack_Smedley) <a href="https://twitter.com/Zack_Smedley/status/1279034914466344960?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 3, 2020</a></blockquote>
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Vish Khanna

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: July 3, 2020

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