July 13
Mike Pence doing exactly what Jesus would do, folding his arms and looking over the prisoners' heads like they're not there. https://t.co/Vb17Slx41Y
— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) July 13, 2019
the cut to woody harrelson deserves an emmy https://t.co/XSIRuuynnH
— Robby Kalland (@RKalland) July 13, 2019
I just heard DJ say, "Party people...we're having some technical difficulties." And I can't stop laughing.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) July 14, 2019
July 14
college in america https://t.co/oI4oj6zIBo
— jaboukie (@jaboukie) July 14, 2019
My parents are replacing their coffee machine, which is 7 years old.
— Calla Wahlquist (@callapilla) July 14, 2019
Me: that's not that old, I have sheets older than that.
Mother: well perhaps your sheets aren't getting as much action as our coffee machine.
I'm going to need an ambulance.
No one really talks about how INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS is ultimately a film about a woman who gets so annoyed by a dude who won't stop flexing his knowledge of film trivia that she embarrasses him in front of all his work friends and then murders him in a movie theater.
— thomas. (@handsome_pal) July 15, 2019
Look at how Jay hugged her lmfaoooo omfg. He don't want no smoke https://t.co/LrOO5DbSV9
— Yasmine. (@ZamnnnYazzo) July 14, 2019
"racially charged" makes it sound like y'all out here buying triple K batteries
— Kwame Mbalia (@KSekouM) July 15, 2019
Am I an asshole? pic.twitter.com/QaiQ32GO9O
— Run the Boot, Dammit (@ClutchandCoast) July 15, 2019
called my parents yesterday extremely concerned about the hurricane & asked them to take the cats & go up north for the weekend. they assured me they were fine and that no matter what they'd take care of my cats. I got this txt today(yes that's hose water and no im not amused😂) pic.twitter.com/PdSbJF9jEh
— shayne (@shaynenicolee) July 14, 2019
This is how I want women to celebrate their successes. None of that 'humble' shit.pic.twitter.com/BrwwXGeAXj
— Dr Esther (@EstOdek) July 14, 2019
July 15
10/10 church sign pic.twitter.com/93RArm2Kmb
— Jeremy McLellan (@JeremyMcLellan) July 15, 2019
Me: I actually don't have anything to talk about in therapy today
— Sam Reece (@SamanthaaaReece) July 16, 2019
My therapist:pic.twitter.com/8f5viiQMwY
oh fuck yeah I'm WOKE
— Zachary 🏳️🌈 (@1Lumberzack) July 16, 2019
W- white guy
O- overestimating my
K- knowledge on
E- extremely complex issues
DOCTOR: How would you describe your anxiety?
— Michael Tannenbaum (@iamTannenbaum) July 16, 2019
ME:
pic.twitter.com/pLdk98tzax
My friend who doesn't have twitter sent this from her flight. It belongs on Twitter. pic.twitter.com/qG6d54V5Dd
— Alafair Burke (@alafairburke) July 15, 2019
RICK ASTLEY: What do you want for your birthday?
— Greg (@GrowlyGrego) July 15, 2019
WIFE: the UP dvd
RICK ASTLEY: No.
July 16
a male bee's testicles explode during sex, killing him instantly. that means if u see a bee flying around, chances are he's a virgin. lol fucken nerd
— Kellen (@captainkalvis) July 16, 2019
Grimes in the studio pic.twitter.com/4TXzMFhxCb
— Cadence Weapon (@cadenceweapon) July 16, 2019
FWIW. The only people to ever try to leave America en mass because they did not love it were White Southerners.
— Jonathan Ladd (@jonmladd) July 16, 2019
lol this guy owns pic.twitter.com/JPlLCCs2XV
— Adrenochromaniac (@lib_crusher) July 17, 2019
Shout out to the top 5 pots in the world, tea, flower, crock, shit or get off the, and Home De.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) July 16, 2019
skin gancer https://t.co/hsu5CtgoJS
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) July 17, 2019
July 17
Your daily dose of antidepressant pic.twitter.com/7MXYSyobOf
— Awwwww (@AwwwwCats) July 17, 2019
The seating capacity at Williams Arena is 8,000. https://t.co/Dlt4oEBj6V
— Caitlin Byrd (@MaryCaitlinByrd) July 18, 2019
July 18
I showed my cat the Cats trailer. pic.twitter.com/tSGVi24Amk
— Janna Layton (@JKBartleby) July 19, 2019
Not really a humane solution in my opinion pic.twitter.com/bXQL5Y8RWg
— brandon (@BrandonMH1) July 18, 2019
Just having fun with that app that shows you what you'll look like in 40 years pic.twitter.com/HN6GebNBUg
— Bram (@brumthefirst) July 18, 2019
me checking my bank account in the line at Starbucks before ordering my iced coffee pic.twitter.com/MU0oqOiIzf
— armani (@stfuarmani) July 19, 2019
husky doesn't quite have a grasp on "shake" 🐶🐾 pic.twitter.com/hJdwaF8iyX
— 𝕽𝖊𝖓.🕊️ (@eliterenno) July 18, 2019
July 19
"that's @JAdomian, everybody, and he's a genius." -@TeamCoco
— Theodore🌹Roosemoji (@theo_dillon) July 19, 2019
brony sanders' #comicon2019 appearance on conan. #friendshipismagic #feelthebern pic.twitter.com/Xc4e5Fz3f3
This is the pain scale chart at my physical therapy. pic.twitter.com/OOH1NKpqmd
— Maureen Johnson (@maureenjohnson) July 19, 2019
imagine trying to explain this tweet to someone in 2008 https://t.co/edf6UQc2Wg
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) July 19, 2019
A$AP Rocky forced to preform at Trumps 2020 Rally after being freed from Sweden pic.twitter.com/ja3PaSlGY2
— Jimmy (@jimmy_koski) July 19, 2019
My uncle went to play tunes last night infront of the whole family n pornhub pops up😂😂😂 idiot pic.twitter.com/IguM79TJsF
— DMC (@prinnyd33) July 19, 2019
Quick, guess which famous person is randomly in the front row at this show. Wrong pic.twitter.com/dlA6I0ruPN
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) July 20, 2019
